sal_para Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 Hi guys, Been dating a girl for 3 months. We’ve tended to see each other on weekends and speak once / twice midweek plus swap text messages in between. It was a pretty full on first few weeks but we both agreed not to sleep together as we didn’t want it to be just about that. 6/7 weeks in we had an argument about it as we still hadn’t slept together– she called me from a drunken Sunday night out and asked me to come over. I said I couldn’t due to work the next morning and it boiled over into her saying something was wrong that we hadn’t slept together. We got over this and we ended up sleeping together last week. I didn’t use protection - which she wasn’t too happy about, but we carried on and all seemed fine afterwards. After sleeping together, we spoke on the phone the next day and a few days later and things seemed ok, although conversation was brief and she wasn’t very chatty. She was due to go home this weekend to see her parents so we agreed to chat next week. I dropped her a text this Friday to ask how her day was, talked a bit about mine and got this: “That’s good. Have a good weekend x” She didn’t really answer my question or talk about herself at all. I have noticed lately her messages have been short one liners, one or one or two words. I’ve always seemed to be the one recently instigating calling / texting which I try to keep to every 2-3 days to give her space. I’m not sure whether this stems from how sleeping together turned out. She hasn’t raised anything more around it so I’ve left it for now until she does. I’m not sure if its a case she’s getting bored of me texting her, if she’s losing interest or if it’s a simple case of her having stuff on this week and focusing on being away. I now feel quite uncomfortable about whether to call her at the end of the weekend (which is what I usually do when she’s away) or to wait much longer and give her more space. Thoughts?
IHaveNoWords Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 I'd give her space. Let her come to you. You can't really know what's going on in her head if she won't let you in, which can be frustrating, but there's nothing you can do about it. I've been having second thoughts about my relationship, too. I stopped texting him as much. And instead of giving me space, he smothered me, and would text me even more. It's not attractive, and it makes matters worse. So just give her some space, and see what happens. Plus, if she sees that you aren't falling all over yourself to get to her, then that might make you even more attractive in her eyes. Girls are complicated creatures, unfortunately. All I can say is give it time. I hope everything works out.
betterdeal Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 I think you have two options to consider: 1. As IHaveNoWords suggested, step back a bit, take it easy and let the wind blow in whichever direction it goes; or 2. Be honest about your feelings e.g. ask what's up, tell her your concerned that things have cooled down between you, you miss her, but you understand if she needs some space or, if she wants to call it a day, you'll respect that. Small talk texts may come across as annoying or avoiding whatever is bothering her. And even then, it might be something completely unrelated that's bothering her. If you can keep a bit of an open mind while bearing in mind your needs from the relationship, you'll be on the right path.
Author sal_para Posted April 2, 2012 Author Posted April 2, 2012 Thanks guys, I've spoken to her and she's fine. I'll see how things go and maybe talk about it more when the moment is right. I think a few days space definitely helped and things seem back to normal.
Author sal_para Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 Hi guys, An update on the situation. We spoke and texted a few times and she seemed ok. I checked on her a few days later and she said she was really busy and stressed and couldn't meet me as she was seeing her sister. I told her I was here for her if she needed me and to call me whenever. She seemed cool with that and thanked me. Next day I called her no answer so I left a voice message to check she was ok and to call me. I've not had any reply which is the first time she's done so. Part of me thinks back off completely, another part says text her and ask her if the problem is me. What do you reckon? Your thoughts and feedback would be much appreciated, thanks.
TaraMaiden Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 this is blowing hit-and-cold, isn't it? my advice? Back off completely. Let her come to you and clarify things. if she contacts you and says - "hey, haven't heard from you for a while, whassup?" Explain you backed off because it seemed like things have been blowing hot and cold, and you're not sure where you stand any more... if you don't hear from her all week - there's your answer..... 1
betterdeal Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I agree with Tara. Go and do something more fun and enjoyable instead of worrying about her.
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