High school romance, what do you think?

[Toxhicide]

I felt like making this thread because I feel very good right now. I had recently broken up with my girlfriend (last Tuesday) but it took me three weeks to do it which was a very sad and painful process and I still feel a little bad about it, but you can go research that thread on your own.

 

Back on topic. I feel great right now. A feeling that I have not had in years is back in my heart for the same girl that I fell for in the seventh grade. I am in tenth now. For a quick history, I liked her when I first say her back then. A few months later, late September, I gave her some money I found in my pocket as a kind gesture. I know how ridiculous that was. The feelings died down a bit 'til the end of the year around a DC field trip. After the field trip, I consulted my mother and she told me to pass her a note that asked for her number with a box for yes and a box for "hell no" to make it comical. I agreed, and a few weeks before the end of school I did so. The only problem was that I gave it to her at the end of class and walked away. I remember looking right at her as I let the classroom... the next day her friend was talking to her (I was talking to her friend a few weeks 'til I did the note and I asked what she said), and she said that she threw the note away and that it was a no. Everything seems ridiculous on my behalf and logical on hers, but at that time it was devastating to me. Could not really like any other girl for a year and a half after that. End of ninth grade she was in my gym class and I felt nervous around her, not in a just nervous way.

 

So, history aside, I lost feelings for my girlfriend (irrelevant to this) and they have their full sight on this girl from three years ago. I get along with the friends of this girl quite well. One of the girls she hangs out with had a crush on me at the end of the 8th grade, and the others I have had in my classes and I talk to them periodically. Her guy friends, who I do not see outside of school (except when I was quite younger) I also get along with well.

 

My idea was to ask one of her guy friends (by guy friends I mean the guys in the group of people she hangs out with) if I could hang out with him and his friends that weekend. I might not be with the group of girls, but that becoming routine is key. Eventually I will hang out with the girls as well as they are all a group, which I will be able to talk to the girl that I like. From there I just get to know her well, get her to like me, ask for her number, etc, then ask her on a date sometime. I am quite certain I have no competition to get the girl. From what I can recall I have never heard of her being in a relationship, and if she was it would not have been too long. She is not ugly, though, I find her beautiful. Just to say, I am not ugly at all either. My last girlfriend is very pretty (and I still text her but obviously not as much, 80% of our texting traffic is down).

 

I am on Spring Break right now and plan to ask to hang out next week (in about 8 to 10 days from now). What are your opinions about all of this? Many of you have passed high school, so what might you girls do if a new guy came into your group of friends and started talking to you? What might you guys have done if you were me?

[RiverRunning]

I'm trying to go back to 15-or-16-year-old me (now nearly 10 years in the past for me). What would I have done? Probably acted awkward and uncomfortable and I probably would have fallen into near-silence, hoping he'd just leave me alone, even if I did have feelings for him. But I can't say I had a good high school experience.

 

I think that your current plan is a good one - you're going into her territory and mingling with her friends. I'd say spread your attention out a little bit at first. Coming on too strongly will make it obvious to everyone that you're only in the circle to hit on one girl. In the meantime, you can build friendships with the entire group up, along with a friendship with her. Her friends could be strategic allies in eventually securing a date.

 

I know you're in high school and this is advice I would normally give to those post high school, but I'll offer it anyway. You've not even been broken up for a week. I know that kids your age tend to move quickly in relationships, but give this a little bit of time. Be certain that you aren't rebounding (which is sure to reflect negatively on you - the girl you're chasing may be wary of dating someone recently out of a relationship).

 

It may be more difficult too, but I wouldn't be staying in touch with an ex either. I would delete her number from my phone and delete any and all text messages or Voicemails that come in from her. You can explain that since your relationship is over you feel it's best to cut contact and then proceed to do all that I've mentioned, but again that's up to you. You can let her know that you'll say 'hi' if you pass her in a hall at school or if you're interacting in classes together, but otherwise you want to minimize contact.

 

Why? Because if I were New Girl, I'd be wondering if you aren't still pining for the ex. I'd also wonder if she's not still a threat (not the first time in history that a high school ex-girlfriend has caused problems for her ex's new relationship). Being able to handle an ex constructively -i.e., not being mean to her and dealing with her when necessary - would indicate some seriousness to me. It would mean to me that you had really moved on from your past relationship and you were ready to start fresh.

[Dust]

I just stopped by to see RiverRunning try and go back to her 15/16 year old self!

 

To the OP good luck, just enjoy yourself and don't stress about this stuff.

[Toxhicide]

I'm trying to go back to 15-or-16-year-old me (now nearly 10 years in the past for me). What would I have done? Probably acted awkward and uncomfortable and I probably would have fallen into near-silence, hoping he'd just leave me alone, even if I did have feelings for him. But I can't say I had a good high school experience.

 

I think that your current plan is a good one - you're going into her territory and mingling with her friends. I'd say spread your attention out a little bit at first. Coming on too strongly will make it obvious to everyone that you're only in the circle to hit on one girl. In the meantime, you can build friendships with the entire group up, along with a friendship with her. Her friends could be strategic allies in eventually securing a date.

 

I know you're in high school and this is advice I would normally give to those post high school, but I'll offer it anyway. You've not even been broken up for a week. I know that kids your age tend to move quickly in relationships, but give this a little bit of time. Be certain that you aren't rebounding (which is sure to reflect negatively on you - the girl you're chasing may be wary of dating someone recently out of a relationship).

 

It may be more difficult too, but I wouldn't be staying in touch with an ex either. I would delete her number from my phone and delete any and all text messages or Voicemails that come in from her. You can explain that since your relationship is over you feel it's best to cut contact and then proceed to do all that I've mentioned, but again that's up to you. You can let her know that you'll say 'hi' if you pass her in a hall at school or if you're interacting in classes together, but otherwise you want to minimize contact.

 

Why? Because if I were New Girl, I'd be wondering if you aren't still pining for the ex. I'd also wonder if she's not still a threat (not the first time in history that a high school ex-girlfriend has caused problems for her ex's new relationship). Being able to handle an ex constructively -i.e., not being mean to her and dealing with her when necessary - would indicate some seriousness to me. It would mean to me that you had really moved on from your past relationship and you were ready to start fresh.

 

 

 

 

Yeah, I understand. I have been going through the process of "being broken up" for about three weeks, I just lost feeling for her. As for the other, I understand that I should talk to other people first. I just hope that I am able to talk with them all and make friends and more importantly make her my friend.

Edited April 1, 2012 by Toxhicide

[Toxhicide]

Also, I don't think that would happen. Why would you do that in this situation? It has been three years after the fact (mind you it all happened at the "beginning" of being a "teenager", before the real major parts of puberty).