SJC2008 Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 are they bad at conversaton? I'd say they are bad at conversation. I mean how can a 32 year old woman with a degree who is not shy and is funny as hell just not contribute anything to a conversation?? We had a great 1st date (this last woman, not a new one) and things seemed to flow fine. Called her a couple days later to arragne a second date and it was radio silence and I had to scramble, I mean dig deep and use filler just to break the silence. How could someone be that bad?? Hell go on a rant how you had a hard time find picking out good oranges at the grocery store or whatever. Say SOMETHING, I mean come on. Guys or gals ever run into this?
Author SJC2008 Posted April 1, 2012 Author Posted April 1, 2012 Thanks for the response but at that point I can assure you it wasn't a lack of interest as she hinted she wanted a second date and sounded enthusiastic when I asked her out again. I mean I'm not saying I'm the greatest conversator but she'd literally sit in silence until I said something.
wildgeese Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 Do you mean it was great in person but bad over the phone? Some people just aren't good phone conversationalists.
FrustratedStandards Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 Yep. I think it's chemistry. I'm a great talker too, but sometimes it just doesn't click with a guy. Unfortunately it happens more often than not.
Author SJC2008 Posted April 1, 2012 Author Posted April 1, 2012 No it's not chemistry. You mean to tell me that EVERY man that can hold a convo with that there is chemistry? Please tell me that so I can clown the $hit out of you and make you look bad. That would mean if I can hold a convo with you there is chemistry?? Uh.... No. If your college educated arse cant ask one question or just talk about anything or even have the brain to come up woth poontles filler like I did then... Houston we have a problem. Oh but wait, I'm the man so it's my job to "take the lead"'while your sorry arse couldn't even say "Yeah tell me what your favorite part of the show was" or "That reminds e of.....". Yeah I'm out of touch because it's not possible that an edicated grown woman couldn't hold a convo worth a fu.k. I say ok lol my doctorate holding uncle is on his 4th wife so don't hold your breath LOL.
Author SJC2008 Posted April 1, 2012 Author Posted April 1, 2012 (edited) I know I asked for opinions and I'm not tying to set anyone up to argue my point but my point but my point is, is that some people are bad conversators ya know? I mean, if all you can come up with question wise on a 3rd date is "So you had class today?" then come on?? I mean we're adults and regardless of educaion background and all that bs is that really all the best you can come up with? You can't even try at all? Like a "Yeah on the way over here some a hole cut me off....." Just to try and get something going? I mean I even tried to make it easy, I asked her what movie star she thinks is good looking and she answred and didn't even ask me in return which I think most people would do. That's why I get frustrated. I really think me and this woman could of had a great thing develop between the two of us but I felt like it was "all on me" for lack of a better term. I mean if leading the convo and using poinless filler to keep $hit going is part of the courting process and she (any date in general) doesn't have to contribute anything and it's really on me then I'm totally fu.ked for real man. Edited April 1, 2012 by SJC2008 left something out
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 (edited) Pretty over the top and uncalled for snapping at FrustratedStandards, she just gave you a short response on her opinion...and in part It can be true. So you want to clown the $hit out of her? I hope you realize you're the only one looking like the clown. An apology would be appropriate, you snapped for no reason. To answer your question, chemistry makes things flow a lot easier and is more natural than trying to click with someone you having nothing in common with or can relate to/share and opinion. When you don't necessarily "click" It becomes more of an interview like process and you find yourself fishing for things to find in common with each other to try and create that link. However with that being said, I also have a good ability to talk with most people and the majority of the time develop a good conversation. The decision for me is whether I want to put in that effort or not with the person but typically will in most situations out of respect or otherwise not associate with them and just consider them incompatible for me because I'd like someone who can hold a conversation? what's the big deal? If I meet someone, even If I don't "click" I'm still going to talk to them like a human being and not dismiss them. I'm going to ask questions, find out what their interest are, determine if they are on the shy side, or maybe they're nervous or uncomfortable or just take some time to warm up but they actually want to be around you they just don't know how to express themselves and open up easily to someone they just met. If you don't understand that, or don't want to, or feel like a woman should meet you half way no matter what they just either walk away or put in the effort. Why don't you try talking about something she has an opinion on? Why don't you find out what she is interested in? where she's from, what are her dreams? And If she gives back a short response or doesn't reflect the same questions right back at you so what? Is it that big a problem for you to earn a little trust and respect from this person? Is it intolerable that just because someone has a degree they should automatically know how to date and open up and resolve a whole slew of personality traits that has nothing to do with an education? Honestly I think this post is about tooting your own horn...telling everyone how you met someone with a degree and you bested her in conversation and essentially "the man". It may have been frustrating or not what you expected but everybody knows that some people are more easy to get along with and talk to and others are not, big news flash there. "I really think me and this woman could of had a great thing develop between the two of us but I felt like it was "all on me" for lack of a better term. I mean if leading the convo and using poinless filler to keep $hit going is part of the courting process and she (any date in general) doesn't have to contribute anything and it's really on me then I'm totally fu.ked for real man." It's not your responsibility to change her, If you're not happy with her demeanor and conversational skills then just move on..not just slam her for it, that just makes you look like a douche..hell look at your replies, you don't sound like the most mature guy in the world. You can only control what you do, not what other people do, you need to accept it for the way it is. Don't lend her the "honor" of your patience and time because you feel that she could amount to something, that's just rude and pathetic man. Edited April 1, 2012 by Ninjainpajamas
Author SJC2008 Posted April 1, 2012 Author Posted April 1, 2012 Ok I was way overzealous with my responses and clowning was a figure of speech and I was not trying to offend her and if you know my history you should know that I don't post to toot my horn or brag. Can't get past a 3rd date because I'm to shy or whatever or my problem is. I'm not trying to demean anyone and anyone who knows my history would know my problem is putting woman on a pedestal and being to passive so tooting my own horn? and posting to show I bested someone with a degree in convo? No way and I'll stand my ground on that one. I've got more problems to worry about then besting someone in a convo. Problems like getting past a 3rd date is #1 on my list. I was litterlly blown away about how somene that rounded could just sit there with radio silence and if it made me sound naive then so be it. I know a degree doesn't make you witty as I have my fair share of ditsy moments too. I'm a down to earth laid back sincere man who is not egotistical at all and am just baffled why I can't meet somone. If I offended anyone and sounded like I was tooting my horn that was not my intention. The bottom line is that regardless of what happend the moral of the story is that it didn't happen like with every woman I've met in my entire life.
mostlyclueless Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 What are you talking about? You know she's not bad at conversation. You had a good first date with lots of "flow." She was just bad on the phone one time. Maybe she was distracted, or maybe she doesn't like talking on the phone, or maybe she had a brutal day and was totally sapped, or maybe you're bad at the phone and she was just responding to that.
Author SJC2008 Posted April 2, 2012 Author Posted April 2, 2012 @mostlyclueless: I see what you are saying and thanks for the feedback but we really only talked on the phone twice. Once after our first date and then another time. I noticed a little struggle on the second date when we were eating. I asked her if she liked to camp and she said no and I asked her what she liked to do and she said not camping (jokingly and we both laughed) and didn't say anything after that as to what her likes were nor did she ask me. Our second phone converstion was a little better but I had to put "carry" it. @ninjainpajamas: You bring up some good points about mabye she's dating shy but not asking general date quesions at all has nothing to do with trust and respect at all IMO. And I'm not saying I want to change her I don't I just don't understand how this woman drives me nuts in a good way and everything was great except the convo on the 3rd date and on the phone. So it would be worth the effor to me to get to know her better. As far as saying she has a degree and is well rounded that was to give background and not say "she can't hang with me". To me it came accross as disinterest or poor convo skills but the more I think about our dates, I think she may be inexperienced like me. The evidence (too much to go into detail here) is stacking up and looking that way.
Shaun-Dro Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 are they bad at conversaton? I'd say they are bad at conversation. I mean how can a 32 year old woman with a degree who is not shy and is funny as hell just not contribute anything to a conversation?? We had a great 1st date (this last woman, not a new one) and things seemed to flow fine. Called her a couple days later to arragne a second date and it was radio silence and I had to scramble, I mean dig deep and use filler just to break the silence. How could someone be that bad?? Hell go on a rant how you had a hard time find picking out good oranges at the grocery store or whatever. Say SOMETHING, I mean come on. Guys or gals ever run into this? Your date is doing what most women today are emulating: putting all their pressure on the man to start things up, keep them entertained, and if the guy fails to do that, they move on to the next who will attempt it. It's a case of women feeling entitled to have their cake and eat it too. It's the modern-day princess attitude they sometimes aren't even aware of.
kaylan Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 (edited) I know I asked for opinions and I'm not tying to set anyone up to argue my point but my point but my point is, is that some people are bad conversators ya know? I mean, if all you can come up with question wise on a 3rd date is "So you had class today?" then come on?? I mean we're adults and regardless of educaion background and all that bs is that really all the best you can come up with? You can't even try at all? Like a "Yeah on the way over here some a hole cut me off....." Just to try and get something going? I mean I even tried to make it easy, I asked her what movie star she thinks is good looking and she answred and didn't even ask me in return which I think most people would do. That's why I get frustrated. I really think me and this woman could of had a great thing develop between the two of us but I felt like it was "all on me" for lack of a better term. I mean if leading the convo and using poinless filler to keep $hit going is part of the courting process and she (any date in general) doesn't have to contribute anything and it's really on me then I'm totally fu.ked for real man. Im sorry, I had to pick on you here. You cant ridicule people who dont talk much when you ramble on with incorrect words and typos. The incorrect word Im going to point out is a pet peeve on mine. I hate that people think its a word. Not conversate, but converse. Not conversator, but conversationalist. Basically my point is that you need to come across as a good conversationalist to us here, if you expect forum members to take your complaint about offline conversing seriously. Edited April 2, 2012 by kaylan 1
Author SJC2008 Posted April 2, 2012 Author Posted April 2, 2012 Im sorry, I had to pick on you here. You cant ridicule people who dont talk much when you ramble on with incorrect words and typos. The incorrect word Im going to point out is a pet peeve on mine. I hate that people think its a word. Not conversate, but converse. Not conversator, but conversationalist. Basically my point is that you need to come across as a good conversationalist to us here, if you expect forum members to take your complaint about offline conversing seriously. We all have our pet peeves so I'm good with that. I'm not going to apologize again. I didn't ridicule her I tried to give background to express my confusion to her lacking convo skills. Mabye she is a bad conversationalist but I wasn't ridiculing her or saying she was less then me. Maby she wasn't interested, mabye she's dating shy and not socially shy but according to another poster here that's impossible but I beg to differ.
Oxy Moronovich Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 Some women are just terrible at conversations. Degree and age don't change that. Some women are unable to get out of their comfort zone. They spend too much time alone or with familiar people. But when they come into contact with strangers they are bad at conversation.
Author SJC2008 Posted April 2, 2012 Author Posted April 2, 2012 Thanks oxy but what's strange is is that she's doesn't seem to have a shell to come out of as she put herself out there with a joke that she had no idea I was going to get on our first date and I got it! I know she has the witt to make good conversation and I may be going out on a limb but I have an inkling, as does a coworker of mine that she very well could be an older virgin. May sound crazy but the thought fleetingly crossed my mind before and HE told me the same thing without telling him it crossed my mind. Not saying I'm 100% but it's possible.
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 Honestly, I HATE filler questions like "what do you like to do for fun?" or "what your passions are"... it screams that we have nothing to talk about. Conversation should be totally organic. Ideally, you will be telling each other stories of your past experiences. You would tell her a story about something that happened to you (in a funny and witty way) and she will respond with "OMG this reminds me of a time when....." <her story> - then you can ask more questions about info you learned from her stories. You should also talk about situational things, like comments on the restaraunt, food, that homeless man that just passed by etc. That's how my best dates go. When someone asks me a scripted question, I immediately cringe, feel uncomfortable and am bored.
Star Gazer Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 No it's not chemistry. You mean to tell me that EVERY man that can hold a convo with that there is chemistry? Please tell me that so I can clown the $hit out of you and make you look bad. That would mean if I can hold a convo with you there is chemistry?? Uh.... No. NO, it means that in order to have a good conversation, you must have chemistry. It does not mean that IF you have a good conversation, you have chemistry.
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