I have extreme anxiety around women, how can I fix that

[bson1257]

To make a long story short, I am 26 years old and never did anything with a woman. I am attracted to women, but when I am around them I suffer from extreme anxiety and this has prevented me from ever being in a relationship. I also have very low self esteem and confidence. I have no idea what to do but I am in a pretty bad spot.

[Emily441]

I'm sort of in the same spot as you, just reversed. I'm a young woman, and men intimidate me. I'm straight, but men make me nervous. Best thing I've learned is make eye contact, but not too much of it.

[jorgie4]

I am the same age...and although I'm not nervous around men and have had a number of casual/short relationships....I have no idea how to 'be' in a relationship, or how to make one work. I'm too independent, and so I can't seem to be able to adapt.

 

Anyway, my advice to you guys is to go and speak to a relationship counsellor. I'm at the stage now where I'm thinking it may be the best option...and possibly the only option! Sometimes you can't always work things out by yourself...

[baguette]

Grab some buddies and hit up some bars/clubs. Pump each other up, talk to girls, have some fun. The more you put yourself out there, the more you'll realize that talking to girls is not nerve-wracking at all. Bars/clubs are an easy place to start because girls sort of expect it there. Liquid courage comes in handy too.

[KathyM]

Getting into counseling would do wonders for you to relieve your anxiety. Counseling would probably include helping you to understand why you have anxiety about women (probably from a fear of being negatively evaluated by them), and the counselor would then challenge you on those fears, and would probably give you homework assignments to get you to be more comfortable with being around women. The counselor would probably give you incremental steps to take to gradually overcome your fear. For example, you might start out with going to places where a lot of women hang out, and spend time there, just getting more use to being around women. When your anxiety with that exposure is reduced, you might go on to join a class or activity where women are involved. You then might be asked to strike up a conversation with a woman in your class, and then gradually make it to the step of asking a woman out. Gradual steps is usually how people are guided to get over their fears. Gradually increasing exposure to what is feared is normally what would be recommended in therapy.