Lu17 Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 (edited) I've been in a LDR relationship since March last year. He's from USA, I'm from UK. We met at work in the Middle East. Everything was perfect then he had to leave the job in July. I was off Aug & Nov so I spent those two months in the states with him. Aug was really good. then sept and oct was a bit stressful, not much time to talk. He was still job hunting. then I flew out in Nov, the start was great, but then he always had this attitude like he didn't care so much anymore. which of course made me upset. Its really hard to talk to him. He has a hurtful past. I don't know if he's taken some remark that I said when he mentioned the future, I think he thought i didn't want to talk about the future. So he acts all casual for the next few weeks, we didn't really get on. and he was still stressed about the job situation. Taking a step away, and as i left we spoke about making it work, we need to chat more etc etc. Then he started his new job in Dec, Which keeps him very busy (for sure, not just an excuse) and our communication drops even more. So i feel rejected like he never texts anymore so I tell him. We then didn't get on great through January and he's now completely backed off going into February. So of course I panic (I should have given him space and let him work at his job) but no, I do completely the wrong thing - Emails, Texts telling him how i feel, don't want to end it blah blah blah.... YEP, BIG MISTAKE. So I push him further away. I said I wasn't going sit and wait for him I said he can take his time but he can't have me all to himself while he takes his time, I never knew what stage we were at taking a break, over for good. I did a lot of wrong things but I just wanted a straight answer from him. So I told him about a guy who had asked me to go to dinner, and thats when he said our lives are in different paths and if i have the opportunity then i should go. So thats it, it was over. I didn't see the guy. I don't think I ever will then we went NC for a week or so, he contacted me then we exchanged a few texts chatting as normal for a week or so and then he asked had i slept with that guy, I said no. He then (when I asked) told me he'd slept with a girl, just a date he'd been on. (i can't tell if its the truth). But it has since made me crazy again, I didn't say anything to him, perhaps just its a bit upsetting to hear but then as days have gone on, its taken me right back to that crazy girl of telling him how I feel by email, but I also mention I'll be in the states in a few weeks with work and would like to see him, which he says 'If we did meet, I would not want to give you the wrong impression. I would like to see you, but you know I can't commit to anything at this point in my life' Then the next day I got mad as he'd gone a whole day ignoring my text message. I know I know, I'm going about this completely the wrong way (this is why i'm posting this, i'll get to it in a bit). So the next day, we chat on Skype chat, I try to explain to him i feel like I've never known properly where we were at, its just like he never wanted to talk I know I've done stupid things but i just wanted answers. so he says 'I think it would be very difficult to make it work. Not only is the distance difficult, but you are beating youself up and causing me to push away from you even more because you are upset. I realize you are upset and I'm sorry for that. With that said you say very mean and negative things which again push me away in further. I'm not saying we could have made things work or could make things work in the future. I'm just saying that I would be more responsive to kindness and not crazy'. then when I bring up if i have a trip to the states he says he just doesn't know. I explain myself and say I can't carry on like this its making me crazy, i feel he doesn't want me to let go, and when i ask him he says he doesn't know. So I thought i need to drop it now we chatted a bit of general stuff. Then going off the advice of my friends I mailed saying - Just want to say thanks for finally talking to me the other night. Its kind of all I needed, just a bit of honesty. I know it seems like you told me that already in text but it was never clear how you felt. The reasons never justified, as I remember you saying you worry if I question the distance when you left the middle east. Our new job lives didn't justify either. I saw the distance and jobs as a test of how I felt, so I suppose the answer was there all along. I thought we'd get past that having managed to get past all those crazy months since you left in July. I thought things would get easier when you found a job funnily enough!!! Even though I regret half of my craziness, I don't care about it because at least I know that I tried to communicate. It may not have worked out as I'd hoped, but at least I know in the future it didn't happen for lack of trying. Its cool if you don't want me on FB. I just think highly of myself, I know I'm a good honest person, I know what I deserve and I don't deserve to be ignored but I understand. I'm fine about it all, I don't want to be with someone who doubted their feelings for me. Take care, know that I miss you & our few months of a whirlwind romance x So then my plan is to go 100% NC. Here's the next part. I was supposed to be going to the states but it got cancelled, (he knows this from the Skype conversation). But now there is a chance i'll be there in 10days. which i didn't tell him. What do I do ?? I thought about NC still, but the problem is he's a stubborn guy and he generally has this attitude like 'ahh it didnt work out' We had a lot of problems from sept - dec and then things just went down hill, but last March- Aug was great and I so wish we could just see if things could be like that again without pressure. I thought about waiting until the very last minute so we wouldn't have been in contact for 12 days or so and sending him something along the lines of - From 11th - 15th next week.. Come to see me in New York ?? Split the cost of my ticket from New York to Denver or the place where you'll be when you know ?? Or lose me forever ?? I'm stupid for even asking you this & it will 100% be the last time. But I know you are stubborn & something tells me you know deep down you are making a mistake not having the chance to see me. I don't have expectations I know where you are in your life and you know my job too. Have to just say here, he was always the one that would bring up the future, children. He sounds like a guy that doesn't want that but this job situation has really changed things. He's working so many long days and never knows where he'll be. So, my big question is, if the trip comes off. Do I tell him/ ask him ? Or do I stick to NC. ? In a way I feel this is a chance to sort this and just relax have fun like the start then take things slow learning from mistakes. If i don't ask him, I think he might contact me, but I'm always scared he'll move on or just remember the bad times. What would you do?? Edited March 31, 2012 by Lu17 mistake
Nohbody Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Either NC or just be upfront about everything and don't be surprised when it doesn't work out? Be honest and truthful, and hopefully all will work itself out.
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