dsw31 Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 (edited) I am well aware of the fact that the word narcissist is completely overused & just about everyone, & their mother, diagnoses just about everyone else as a narcissist. In fact,having a few narcissistic traits is completely normal & even healthy but, I'm not talking about a healthy kind of self esteem here.I'm talking about the true narcissist with no empathy. I'm in no authority to diagnose anyone but, with that said, I do KNOW that my ex was a narcissist.I also believe that I am a narcisissist but, a whole different kind.I am what's called an inverted narcissist (also called codependent narcissist).I am dependant on another narcissist for my supply.But aren't codependent's supposed to be the nicest,sweetest people,you ask? Well they are nice,in order to gain what they want.They want to control the uncontrollable.They think they can fix people. Pretty egotistical if you ask me! Let's explore... So ever since I could remember, I have always considered myself to be better than everyone else.I believe I'm smarter, prettier, funnier, and just plain better than %99 of people around me.Don't hate me for saying this people! I am aware that this all due to my own real insecurities! It's amazing how comfortable I feel saying whatever comes to mind on an anonymous forum! I have recently began to wonder if it's because I did not feel love from my father, as a child so, I manipulate everyone around me into falling in love with me. It's almost too easy with most people.So when I can get the love of the almighty fellow narcissist, that's when I'm hooked. So I met him 3 years ago.He is the MOST handsome,charismatic, funny, brilliant, all around amazing man! Except he has no empathy for people. I mean truley none.His mother could die & he would just go through the motions of feeling sad.Almost like a robot.I have noticed this before but, like I said, feeling like he was in love with me was the most incredible ride of my life. I am also aware that he never really loved me. He loved the supply that I was able to provide for him.Well I ruined things when I cheathed on him & he suffered the worst narcissistic injury ever & began to despise me.That's where things went incredibly wrong.I am crushed that I lost him but, I know I have a problem & I am going to try to become a better person. Do you guys have any thoughts on this? I could easily get my ex back but, I know it's toxic! I need to be able to forget him!! Edited March 31, 2012 by dsw31
Million.to.1 Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Well.. I suppose cheating on him was a way to subconsciously push him away, if you really knew it was toxic. But now that he despises you... you "need" to win back his love? Why did you cheat on him? You couldn't of been truly happy if this is what you choose to do while on the "ride of your life". You need to really understand your actions and your motives for this. It is dysfunctional behavior and you need to take responsibility for it. It's good that you are able to recognize this behavior in yourself... that is the first step.. awareness. If you know that you need to forget about him, then you must do everything you can to keep true to that. N/C would be the first step. Take away any temptation to try and win him back for the wrong reasons.
Author dsw31 Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 (edited) Well.. I suppose cheating on him was a way to subconsciously push him away, if you really knew it was toxic. But now that he despises you... you "need" to win back his love? Why did you cheat on him? You couldn't of been truly happy if this is what you choose to do while on the "ride of your life". You need to really understand your actions and your motives for this. It is dysfunctional behavior and you need to take responsibility for it. It's good that you are able to recognize this behavior in yourself... that is the first step.. awareness. If you know that you need to forget about him, then you must do everything you can to keep true to that. N/C would be the first step. Take away any temptation to try and win him back for the wrong reasons. I didn't know our relationship was toxic at first. I am coming up with all these new revelations just recently. I cheated because I am dependent on other people to feel loved & I was all alone that night so I called my best friend & slept with him.I know it is an awful thing to do but,I honestly never thought I'd get caught & never thought my narciscistic ex would dismiss me for it.I just miss him so much today Edited March 31, 2012 by dsw31
Nohbody Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 You might want to see a psychiatrist. And not ever cheat on anyone ever again. 1
wilsonx Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 or you could pm me your phone number and we will do a romantic dinner on a public bus as we egg pedestrians that happen to walk into the projectiles path
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