Imajerk17 Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 lol, I agree. But I don't think the girl is weird. I think she was just bothered by question evasion on your (PhillyDude's) part. People have different levels of 'paranoia" and touchiness about questions. I'd totally ask a guy questions like when's your birthday and are you interested in having kids in the future. I'm not saying those are particular questions I'd ask (in fact, they may not be; I'm usually not interested enough in a guy in the beginning to know what his parenting potential is). But it's possible something would come up organically in the conversation which makes me ask those things, and I would be bothered/annoyed at the guy evading such basic questions, especially with responses like "why do you need to know that?" It sounds both defensive and offensive. I fall on the "unparanoid" side of the spectrum. Of course, I'm not giving my social security # and home address to people, but a birthday and my general attitude toward kids, yes, I'll give that out. The girl you're talking about is probably not that touchy about those questions and was bothered that you were. I talked to a guy from OkCupid months ago who was paranoid about just meeting someone online. We'd been talking online for about two weeks (lightly), and when it came time to make phone contact, he would not give me his #, he would only take mine and call me, and even when he did, he went out of his way to make his # anonymous so that it wouldn't come up on my caller I.D. and I couldn't "call him back." I asked him why he did that, did he think I'd keep calling or stalk him even if we ended up not hitting it off. He didn't say "yes," but he said something like "Well, you have to understand, this whole Internet dating thing is new to me. You would feel the same way..." And I was thinking, no, I wouldn't. It's freaking 2011 (then it was), internet dating is pretty ubiquitous and relatively harmless. True, you don't meet people in your home, but you generally are okay with having a quick phone call without worrying the person's gonna stalk you if you're not interested. I was really bothered that he thought I'd badger him even if he weren't interested in me. (And he was the one who had contacted me and pursued possibly meeting in the first place). Dude's probably married. Yes I am being serious here.
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 I think she was to have phone sex too because she was so excited when I asked her...."so how do your thighs look? :lmao::laugh: OMG! I'm sorry, Dude, but I just bet that there were so many things "wrong" in this 2:00 a.m. conversation that her "that's it, I'm done" was not specifically related to your adamant refusal to tell her your birthday.
Imajerk17 Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 (edited) lol, I agree. But I don't think the girl is weird. I think she was just bothered by question evasion on your (PhillyDude's) part. People have different levels of 'paranoia" and touchiness about questions. I'd totally ask a guy questions like when's your birthday and are you interested in having kids in the future. I'm not saying those are particular questions I'd ask (in fact, they may not be; I'm usually not interested enough in a guy in the beginning to know what his parenting potential is). But it's possible something would come up organically in the conversation which makes me ask those things, and I would be bothered/annoyed at the guy evading such basic questions, especially with responses like "why do you need to know that?" It sounds both defensive and offensive. I fall on the "unparanoid" side of the spectrum. Of course, I'm not giving my social security # and home address to people, but a birthday and my general attitude toward kids, yes, I'll give that out. The girl you're talking about is probably not that touchy about those questions and was bothered that you were. I talked to a guy from OkCupid months ago who was paranoid about just meeting someone online. We'd been talking online for about two weeks (lightly), and when it came time to make phone contact, he would not give me his #, he would only take mine and call me, and even when he did, he went out of his way to make his # anonymous so that it wouldn't come up on my caller I.D. and I couldn't "call him back." I asked him why he did that, did he think I'd keep calling or stalk him even if we ended up not hitting it off. He didn't say "yes," but he said something like "Well, you have to understand, this whole Internet dating thing is new to me. You would feel the same way..." And I was thinking, no, I wouldn't. It's freaking 2011 (then it was), internet dating is pretty ubiquitous and relatively harmless. True, you don't meet people in your home, but you generally are okay with having a quick phone call without worrying the person's gonna stalk you if you're not interested. I was really bothered that he thought I'd badger him even if he weren't interested in me. (And he was the one who had contacted me and pursued possibly meeting in the first place). That said though, I think there's a time and place for everything. I actually don't agree w/ the "kids" question on a first phone call. That seems to me to be a question that can wait until a little later. I would be turned off if a woman started "grilling" me early on. It's a little like us asking before we've even met what you look like in a bathing suit. Of course it's important to us, but why do we need to know now. As long as you have a body shot of you in jeans or a dress or something, that's enough. Now on match, whether you want kids or not is what you are prompted to answer when you fill out your profile. That's just a good common-sense idea to me. You get a one-two word answer to tide you over until a more in-depth answer is appropriate. Edited April 1, 2012 by Imajerk17
Author PhillyDude Posted April 1, 2012 Author Posted April 1, 2012 :lmao::laugh: OMG! I'm sorry, Dude, but I just bet that there were so many things "wrong" in this 2:00 a.m. conversation that her "that's it, I'm done" was not specifically related to your adamant refusal to tell her your birthday. She was excited when I asked that
daphne Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 I had a conversation that went much the same way as yours, with a slightly different result. He proceeded to grill me about my habits, personal information and what not. I answered honestly, but realized very quickly that he wasn't particularly well adjusted or well mannered. When I asked him one very simple and unobtrusive question out of curiosity, he shut down and was, well of course rude. He brought up that he had children. I curiously asked how many. He said 100. Then turned back on grilling me. Then he told me what was wrong with all of the other girls he had met or talked to online and was generally negative and controlling. I politely excused myself and got off the phone, thanking my lucky stars that it didn't make it to the date. The man is very successful, one of the top 10 best looking I had seen online, but had a pretty bad personality. He wrote again asking to go out, and I declined and told him I didn't think our personalities would mesh well. I think if you do just a little bit of self reflection, you might realize how rigid, controlling and rude you often come across. This is a turn off, no matter your social status. 2
Jane2011 Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 (edited) That said though, I think there's a time and place for everything. I actually don't agree w/ the "kids" question on a first phone call. That seems to me to be a question that can wait until a little later. I would be turned off if a woman started "grilling" me early on. It's a little like us asking before we've even met what you look like in a bathing suit. Of course it's important to us, but why do we need to know now. As long as you have a body shot of you in jeans or a dress or something, that's enough. Now on match, whether you want kids or not is what you are prompted to answer when you fill out your profile. That's just a good common-sense idea to me. You get a one-two word answer to tide you over until a more in-depth answer is appropriate. Yeah, I see your point about the kids thing. I wouldn't ask it on a first phone call, likely, because it seems a bit jumping the gun in nature, sounds like you're in a hurry for commitment and a relationship, etc.. I'm just saying if it comes up in a REALLY organic way (however unlikely, but it could if the two people in question are just having a pretty chill, free-flowing conversation) and a woman asked that, the guy should just answer. Also, I'm just one woman. I wouldn't ask the question because I'm not that interested in having kids. For another woman, it might be something that really matters to her and that she'd just as soon know as soon as possible so that she could not waste her (and his) time. And if that's the case, the guy should just answer. He may not like it, but if that's one of her screening questions, so be it. I've talked to a couple guys who I think were really marriage and kids ready, and in a way, I'd be glad they asked me about that right off the bat so that they would know how I feel about it and just leave me out of their plans if the way I feel about it doesn't work for them. I wouldn't exactly see them as uncouth or inappropriate so much as no-nonsense and not desiring to waste time. In the end, though, the incongruent styles and expectations of people in the midst of screening phone calls are a good thing. The interactions may be a bit unpleasant (and ultimately judgmental of each other in some way), but it's effective in ruling out people you don't want and who don't want you. I'm happy when things come out during the phone conversation 'cause then I can just avoid the person altogether. Save myself a drive and a stupid date. And it's nice, in a way, when we can say things like "You know what, forget it." Click. Heh. The last guy I dealt with, I just started ignoring him. It's not exactly the picture of politeness in the OLD world. But that's okay. There's so little emotional investment in the beginning stages, few people really give a damn about "rejection" from a first phone call... Edited April 1, 2012 by Jane2011
Author PhillyDude Posted April 1, 2012 Author Posted April 1, 2012 Yeah, I see your point about the kids thing. I wouldn't ask it on a first phone call, likely, because it seems a bit jumping the gun in nature, sounds like you're in a hurry for commitment and a relationship, etc.. I'm just saying if it comes up in a REALLY organic way (however unlikely, but it could if the two people in question are just having a pretty chill, free-flowing conversation) and a woman asked that, the guy should just answer. Also, I'm just one woman. I wouldn't ask the question because I'm not that interested in having kids. For another woman, it might be something that really matters to her and that she'd just as soon know as soon as possible so that she could not waste her (and his) time. And if that's the case, the guy should just answer. He may not like it, but if that's one of her screening questions, so be it. I've talked to a couple guys who I think were really marriage and kids ready, and in a way, I'd be glad they asked me about that right off the bat so that they would know how I feel about it and just leave me out of their plans if the way I feel about it doesn't work for them. I wouldn't exactly see them as uncouth or inappropriate so much as no-nonsense and not desiring to waste time. In the end, though, the incongruent styles and expectations of people in the midst of screening phone calls are a good thing. The interactions may be a bit unpleasant (and ultimately judgmental of each other in some way), but it's effective in ruling out people you don't want and who don't want you. I'm happy when things come out during the phone conversation 'cause then I can just avoid the person altogether. Save myself a drive and a stupid date. And it's nice, in a way, when we can say things like "You know what, forget it." Click. Heh. The last guy I dealt with, I just started ignoring him. It's not exactly the picture of politeness in the OLD world. But that's okay. There's so little emotional investment in the beginning stages, few people really give a damn about "rejection" from a first phone call... I prefer to be hung up on during a first phone call instead of what one woman did 4 nights ago. she ended the conversation like this "Well let me go and do some homework" I knew that sounded off and I haven't heard from her since. lol
Jane2011 Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 I prefer to be hung up on during a first phone call instead of what one woman did 4 nights ago. she ended the conversation like this "Well let me go and do some homework" I knew that sounded off and I haven't heard from her since. lol Well, it's all the same, right? Easy come, easy go... I guess the whole OLD thing is pretty easy for me, because I never start to care until after in-person date 2 or so. Anything before that is just stupidness to me. lol...
Imajerk17 Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 I had a conversation that went much the same way as yours, with a slightly different result. He proceeded to grill me about my habits, personal information and what not. I answered honestly, but realized very quickly that he wasn't particularly well adjusted or well mannered. When I asked him one very simple and unobtrusive question out of curiosity, he shut down and was, well of course rude. He brought up that he had children. I curiously asked how many. He said 100. Then turned back on grilling me. Then he told me what was wrong with all of the other girls he had met or talked to online and was generally negative and controlling. I politely excused myself and got off the phone, thanking my lucky stars that it didn't make it to the date. The man is very successful, one of the top 10 best looking I had seen online, but had a pretty bad personality. He wrote again asking to go out, and I declined and told him I didn't think our personalities would mesh well. I think if you do just a little bit of self reflection, you might realize how rigid, controlling and rude you often come across. This is a turn off, no matter your social status. That (bolded) was actually a PUA tactic--don't give the girl a straight answer. You were supposed to find him mysterious and uncontrollable for that and be turned on! Yeah, sad to say, stories such as yours don't surprise me, as there are a lot of guys online with poor social skills. I hear about them from women I've met....
Star Gazer Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 I think if you do just a little bit of self reflection, you might realize how rigid, controlling and rude you often come across. This is a turn off, no matter your social status. This, this, a million times THIS.
Author PhillyDude Posted April 1, 2012 Author Posted April 1, 2012 Well, it's all the same, right? Easy come, easy go... I guess the whole OLD thing is pretty easy for me, because I never start to care until after in-person date 2 or so. Anything before that is just stupidness to me. lol... Well i mentioned that I was unemployed like a fool and then brought it up again on the phone and then it got to the point she was giving me job search advice-lol That can't happen in APRIL
FitChick Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 She might have wanted to do an astrological compatibility chart between the two of you to see if she should waste any more time. Next time say, "Why do you ask?" I've become a bit more cautious about giving out my birthday because of identity theft and having people google me. Creepy. Of course, it never stops me from googling them!
Author PhillyDude Posted April 1, 2012 Author Posted April 1, 2012 She might have wanted to do an astrological compatibility chart between the two of you to see if she should waste any more time. Next time say, "Why do you ask?" I've become a bit more cautious about giving out my birthday because of identity theft and having people google me. Creepy. Of course, it never stops me from googling them! I gave her my sign just not the exact date of my birthday
RedRobin Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 Just the thought of the family life makes me wanna puke Write that on your profile. Seriously. See what happens. You are aiming at the wrong targets, my friend. Just put it out there.
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