Anela Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I have no problem sharing my birthday, although once I threw out a couple of things that happened on that day in history, and let them figure it out (it's easy enough - especially since one has been associated with Leonardo DiCaprio for years now).
johan Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I doubt she was asking to test out whether you were honest about your age. Any dummy can do the arithmetic and figure out what year corresponds to the age you reported in your profile. Did she suspect you forgot what age you were pretending to be or something?
Author PhillyDude Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 It's called smalltalk. It's important for building up a connection and establishing trust. When you refuse to share basic information they start to wonder what are you hiding from. And this isn't personal information? Why is it ok for you to ask about her likes and dislikes at 2am? You seem to want the conversation on your terms only. That's not how a conversation works. So talking about food, movies, music, and tv shows is not a good thing at 2am in the morning?
westrock Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 So talking about food, movies, music, and tv shows is not a good thing at 2am in the morning? That's a lot to talk about at 2am for anyone. People are not the most alert at that hour especially if they're talking to someone for the first time.
Author PhillyDude Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 That's a lot to talk about at 2am for anyone. People are not the most alert at that hour especially if they're talking to someone for the first time. So what should I have talked about?
RedRobin Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Why the walls, Phillydude? What's up with all of the questions and assuming the worst? What happened? To you?
Author PhillyDude Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 Why the walls, Phillydude? What's up with all of the questions and assuming the worst? What happened? To you? I guess because it's information about me that's unnecessary since it's no gaurauntee we are going to be in a relationship. It's so many other things to know about me besides that don't you agree?
RedRobin Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I guess because it's information about me that's unnecessary since it's no gaurauntee we are going to be in a relationship. It's so many other things to know about me besides that don't you agree? I have my wierd things too... that set me off (at least internally). I have my reasons, that if someone got to know me would understand. It's not just the birthday thing with you my friend... It is the tendency to assume the worst about most interactions. I understand. It is a protection mechanism (ok, shoot me for playing arm chair psychologist). At some point... hopefully sooner rather than later... you'll need to find a way to suspend judgement just a little... just turn that switch off just long enough to give someone a chance to show who they are. The fact that she was even willing to talk to you at 2 am... well, that was saying something BIG about her interest level in you... but for some bizarre reason, that totally didn't sink in with you. At least not enough for you to just make small talk and trust her enough to pleasantly answer her questions and see where it goes. Here's my diagnosis... develop an attitude of gratitude.
Author PhillyDude Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 I have my wierd things too... that set me off (at least internally). I have my reasons, that if someone got to know me would understand. It's not just the birthday thing with you my friend... It is the tendency to assume the worst about most interactions. I understand. It is a protection mechanism (ok, shoot me for playing arm chair psychologist). At some point... hopefully sooner rather than later... you'll need to find a way to suspend judgement just a little... just turn that switch off just long enough to give someone a chance to show who they are. The fact that she was even willing to talk to you at 2 am... well, that was saying something BIG about her interest level in you... but for some bizarre reason, that totally didn't sink in with you. At least not enough for you to just make small talk and trust her enough to pleasantly answer her questions and see where it goes. Here's my diagnosis... develop an attitude of gratitude. I also think her asking do I want kids and I didn't see a picture of her yet was kind of retarded too. We were supposed to talk about sending a pic of each other not birthdays and whether or not I want kids.
Art_Critic Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I also think her asking do I want kids and I didn't see a picture of her yet was kind of retarded too. We were supposed to talk about sending a pic of each other not birthdays and whether or not I want kids. But should her asking actually be a deal breaker or just a shocker.. ? The "if you want kids" question IS appropriate.. asking your age is but IMO asking for your birth date on the first call is a bit over the line.. we live in a society that it is too easy to steal another person's identity and the birth date is one of those protected items you don't give to strangers.. Heck I even protect my birth date from showing on my FB account... If a person knows your birth city and birth date they have almost all of your SS number .. if memory serves me right you only need the last 4
Author PhillyDude Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 But should her asking actually be a deal breaker or just a shocker.. ? The "if you want kids" question IS appropriate.. asking your age is but IMO asking for your birth date on the first call is a bit over the line.. we live in a society that it is too easy to steal another person's identity and the birth date is one of those protected items you don't give to strangers.. Heck I even protect my birth date from showing on my FB account... If a person knows your birth city and birth date they have almost all of your SS number .. if memory serves me right you only need the last 4 That question makes no sense because I can LIE and say I want kids-lol So what is she really going to accomplish with that question? That type of thing has to be discussed at a later time and who knows maybe the guy feels differently. But you can go on 4 dates and it not go any further so why ask something retarded like..."do i want kids" You know, I think I just figured out my problem and why I been struggling at dating for the past 10 years "I don't make a habit of saying things a woman WANTS to hear" LMAO This will change in April
RedRobin Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I also think her asking do I want kids and I didn't see a picture of her yet was kind of retarded too. We were supposed to talk about sending a pic of each other not birthdays and whether or not I want kids. Ok... next time someone asks you something you feel odd about offering, just laugh and say something like... "great question! It's 2 am and I'm a little tired. Its unusual for me to have such deep conversations this late. I'm really glad you are interested in knowing more about me. I'm looking forward to getting to know you better too. Sorry if I sound a little guarded right now. How about we pick this up over (fill in the blank) at (fill in the blank) place?"
RedRobin Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 That question makes no sense because I can LIE and say I want kids-lol So what is she really going to accomplish with that question? That type of thing has to be discussed at a later time and who knows maybe the guy feels differently. But you can go on 4 dates and it not go any further so why ask something retarded like..."do i want kids" You know, I think I just figured out my problem and why I been struggling at dating for the past 10 years "I don't make a habit of saying things a woman WANTS to hear" LMAO This will change in April It is not unusual for anyone to filter out those who aren't looking for the same things in life. Sure, you could lie, but how is that going to help you? Just answer the question. It's no big deal.
Author PhillyDude Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 It is not unusual for anyone to filter out those who aren't looking for the same things in life. Sure, you could lie, but how is that going to help you? Just answer the question. It's no big deal. Because if I go around saying I don't want kids to everyone I talk to I would never have a date lol
johan Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Are you sure she hung up? Maybe there was just a click on the line you mistook for a hangup?
Imajerk17 Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Last night I talked to this girl for the first time and I was asking her questions like where she lives and other things. She then asked how old I am and then asked.."when is your birthday? My response was..."My birthday is in June and I;m a cancer if that's why you were asking. Her response: That's not what I asked you, when is your birthday? My response: Why is it so important for you to have that information now? Her response: You know what, forget it and then hangs up HUH?? LOL Did I say something wrong or is every female in Philadelphia retarded? Or maybe I;m retarded and don't understand this whole birthday thing? You know, if this were someone else, I'd assume that the chick is weird. And I guess I am still somewhat predisposed to think this is the case. But from reading your threads, you kind of come across as George from Seinfeld. So I am also wondering if there is another part to this story you're not telling us; i.e., what did you do to annoy her before she hung up on you.
Author PhillyDude Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 Are you sure she hung up? Maybe there was just a click on the line you mistook for a hangup? Yes she hung up, I posted she said...."that's it I'm done" and then the phone went click Then I sent a text saying..."you are truly on medication"
Author PhillyDude Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 You know, if this were someone else, I'd assume that the chick is weird. And I guess I am still somewhat predisposed to think this is the case. But from reading your threads, you kind of come across as George from Seinfeld. So I am also wondering if there is another part to this story you're not telling us; i.e., what did you do to annoy her before she hung up on you. Only thing i can think of is not answering the "Do you want kids" question directly. I kind of eased passed it, ooozed around it, LOL
westrock Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Because if I go around saying I don't want kids to everyone I talk to I would never have a date lol Only thing i can think of is not answering the "Do you want kids" question directly. I kind of eased passed it, ooozed around it, LOL Where is all that going to get you? It sounds like you are not comfortable with who you are and what you believe in, afraid that if you give the "wrong" answer that you will be rejected even before the woman gets to know you. Do you think that if you lie and say "yes" to the kids question, or try to avoid answering it because secretly you are afraid she will reject you if you say no", that somehow she will overlook that lie when she finds out the truth? If so, then you are just lying to yourself. When she finds out you lied to her, she will not overlook that lie on the basis that you are a great person. If you don't want kids, say so, be honest and upfront. If she's looking for someone who wants kids and you don't, I can assure it is going to be a deal breaker, and no amount of her getting to know you is going to overcome that, especially if you lied at the outset.
Author PhillyDude Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 Where is all that going to get you? It sounds like you are not comfortable with who you are and what you believe in, afraid that if you give the "wrong" answer that you will be rejected even before the woman gets to know you. Do you think that if you lie and say "yes" to the kids question, or try to avoid answering it because secretly you are afraid she will reject you if you say no", that somehow she will overlook that lie when she finds out the truth? If so, then you are just lying to yourself. When she finds out you lied to her, she will not overlook that lie on the basis that you are a great person. If you don't want kids, say so, be honest and upfront. If she's looking for someone who wants kids and you don't, I can assure it is going to be a deal breaker, and no amount of her getting to know you is going to overcome that, especially if you lied at the outset. It's not many woman who is interested in the DINK lifestyle so that's why I have to pretend I want kids because if not then I would have to hire woman to go out with me. And who has that kind of money?
westrock Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 It's not many woman who is interested in the DINK lifestyle so that's why I have to pretend I want kids because if not then I would have to hire woman to go out with me. And who has that kind of money? If you want a relationship built on a foundation of pretending, all I can say is good luck. What are you going to do when she does the same back at you? How are you going to know what to believe? What if you find a woman who says to you that she doesn't want kids and wants the DINK lifestyle? Are you going to hold it against her when she later reveals that she was just pretending so you wouldn't reject her for really wanting kids? Are you going to judge her for the same thing you are doing to her?
Jane2011 Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 (edited) You know, if this were someone else, I'd assume that the chick is weird. And I guess I am still somewhat predisposed to think this is the case. But from reading your threads, you kind of come across as George from Seinfeld. So I am also wondering if there is another part to this story you're not telling us; i.e., what did you do to annoy her before she hung up on you. lol, I agree. But I don't think the girl is weird. I think she was just bothered by question evasion on your (PhillyDude's) part. People have different levels of 'paranoia" and touchiness about questions. I'd totally ask a guy questions like when's your birthday and are you interested in having kids in the future. I'm not saying those are particular questions I'd ask (in fact, they may not be; I'm usually not interested enough in a guy in the beginning to know what his parenting potential is). But it's possible something would come up organically in the conversation which makes me ask those things, and I would be bothered/annoyed at the guy evading such basic questions, especially with responses like "why do you need to know that?" It sounds both defensive and offensive. I fall on the "unparanoid" side of the spectrum. Of course, I'm not giving my social security # and home address to people, but a birthday and my general attitude toward kids, yes, I'll give that out. The girl you're talking about is probably not that touchy about those questions and was bothered that you were. I talked to a guy from OkCupid months ago who was paranoid about just meeting someone online. We'd been talking online for about two weeks (lightly), and when it came time to make phone contact, he would not give me his #, he would only take mine and call me, and even when he did, he went out of his way to make his # anonymous so that it wouldn't come up on my caller I.D. and I couldn't "call him back." I asked him why he did that, did he think I'd keep calling or stalk him even if we ended up not hitting it off. He didn't say "yes," but he said something like "Well, you have to understand, this whole Internet dating thing is new to me. You would feel the same way..." And I was thinking, no, I wouldn't. It's freaking 2011 (then it was), internet dating is pretty ubiquitous and relatively harmless. True, you don't meet people in your home, but you generally are okay with having a quick phone call without worrying the person's gonna stalk you if you're not interested. I was really bothered that he thought I'd badger him even if he weren't interested in me. (And he was the one who had contacted me and pursued possibly meeting in the first place). Edited April 1, 2012 by Jane2011
Author PhillyDude Posted April 1, 2012 Author Posted April 1, 2012 If you want a relationship built on a foundation of pretending, all I can say is good luck. What are you going to do when she does the same back at you? How are you going to know what to believe? What if you find a woman who says to you that she doesn't want kids and wants the DINK lifestyle? Are you going to hold it against her when she later reveals that she was just pretending so you wouldn't reject her for really wanting kids? Are you going to judge her for the same thing you are doing to her? see I can't tell this to any woman but the fact that I'm a late bloomer and haven't dated much I just want a relationship right now. What I'm looking for now is what most people want at 16 years old. So I guess now I would be a guy who wants to settle down and have kids but I'm just trying to accomplish having a girlfriend first. I know many guys in their 30's who has no kids and enjoying life with women and I want the same type of life. Just the thought of the family life makes me wanna puke
Jane2011 Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 All of the above being said, the girl probably was bothered by the whole conversation, so there's no point in thinking that if you'd answered one thing differently, she wouldn't have been upset. The times I've ditched a guy who was an Internet dating site prospect, it's been like three, four, or five separate but equal things about him that bothered me.
Author PhillyDude Posted April 1, 2012 Author Posted April 1, 2012 lol, I agree. But I don't think the girl is weird. I think she was just bothered by question evasion on your (PhillyDude's) part. People have different levels of 'paranoia" and touchiness about questions. I'd totally ask a guy questions like when's your birthday and are you interested in having kids in the future. I'm not saying those are particular questions I'd ask (in fact, they may not be; I'm usually not interested enough in a guy in the beginning to know what his parenting potential is). But it's possible something would come up organically in the conversation which makes me ask those things, and I would be bothered/annoyed at the guy evading such basic questions, especially with responses like "why do you need to know that?" It sounds both defensive and offensive. I fall on the "unparanoid" side of the spectrum. Of course, I'm not giving my social security # and home address to people, but a birthday and my general attitude toward kids, yes, I'll give that out. The girl you're talking about is probably not that touchy about those questions and was bothered that you were. I talked to a guy from OkCupid months ago who was paranoid about just meeting someone online. We'd been talking online for about two weeks (lightly), and when it came time to make phone contact, he would not give me his #, he would only take mine and call me, and even when he did, he went out of his way to make his # anonymous so that it wouldn't come up on my caller I.D. and I couldn't "call him back." I asked him why he did that, did he think I'd keep calling or stalk him even if we ended up not hitting it off. He didn't say "yes," but he said something like "Well, you have to understand, this whole Internet dating thing is new to me. You would feel the same way..." And I was thinking, no, I wouldn't. It's freaking 2011 (then it was), internet dating is pretty ubiquitous and relatively harmless. True, you don't meet people in your home, but you generally are okay with having a quick phone call without worrying the person's gonna stalk you if you're not interested. I was really bothered that he thought I'd badger him even if he weren't interested in me. (And he was the one who had contacted me and pursued possibly meeting in the first place). I think she was to have phone sex too because she was so excited when I asked her...."so how do your thighs look? Then I said..."I'm just joking and was being silly" Her response: "Go ahead and be silly I don't mind" lol
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