brneyedgrl Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 After 6 years together and 1 year completely apart he made contact again. 2 months ago he asked if we could meet and just talk. I agreed. At that point I was over him, it had been a little over a year and the N/C had done me wonders. I had accepted and moved on but was still interested in seeing this man who I thought was the one for me, this man who I'd given 6 years of my life to. The meeting was nice, he cried and apologized over and over again. He said this past year he'd realized what loss really was and he knew the steps he needed to take to truely be there for me. After two hours of talking and laughing it felt like home to me, this was the man I had wanted to marry afterall. We kept in contact and I still wasn't quite sure if I wanted him back due to the heartache I had endured and the trust I had lost. He would take me on bike runs and lunches and dinners. He would express how much he missed me and how he'd do anything to make it up to me, he'd spend the rest of his life making it up to me. He even showed me the 2 carat engagament ring he had picked otu because he knew this was it, I was the only one. I told him friendship was where it had to start and we'd see how it went from there but that it would take a long while for us to get to "that spot" again. He was diagnosed with depression long ago and I asked him if he was still on his meds, talking to a counselor. He said yes. A week ago I recieved a call at 1am from his friend saying he left a suicide note. I was blindsided. Everything I had known about him the past to months was based on pure happiness and his desire to live a satisfied life and he knew where he was and what he wanted. Now this man was in a hospital on suicide watch. I spent 4 days with him non-stop, I was the only one there. He thanked me and cried and thanked me again. 2 days out of the hospital he said he couldn't be with me right now. He needed to work on himself and I was his trigger for this depression. This is not the only time I had heard this in the past 6 years. He had apparently stopped taking his meds when we reconciled because he wanted to be the man I deserved, the man who didn't need pills or declining sex drive. I was his trigger, I stood by him, I helped him and he just dropped me. I feel stupid, used, depressed, helpless, and discarded.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I'm sorry. That is a terrible story. In truth, and I don't mean this cruelly - you are better off without this man. When you get over this heartbreak, please wait as long as you need to until you are ready and fortunate enough to fall in love with a HEALTHY man.
TaraMaiden Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 there is sometimes a pattern with people who are seriously mentally ill that, as soon as the medication takes effect, and they become a relatively well-balanced individual - they stop, because they feel they're cured, and they don't need the med's any more.... It happened to a relative, and two acquaintances of mine. One psychiatrist treating my relative, is theoretically convinced that it's perhaps because the meds they're on are not the best ones for them, and leave them with an illusory sense of well-being. I can see the reasoning behind that - my relative was used virtually as a guinea-pig, and was finally put on medication which enables her to control her mental illness very effectively - but she is also aware that she must keep taking them, in order to feel this way. in other words, they do not create a sense of well-being that is false. this all said - this guy is not your responsibility,. and you shouldn't have to be doing this. Neither should you feel the way you feel, because it really isn't his fault. i can see why you feel the way you do - but his using you wasn't deliberate cruelty. It was, if you will, as a result of self-neglect. He really is not in his right mind, and as such, it's a sad fact that you have to make allowances for that. You're fine. you're strong, and you have moved on. this is just a confirmation that you were right. chin up, girl.... it's all ok.
rAFC Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I'm sorry this has happened to you. However, I don't think he broke it off with you because he doesn't love you or because he was using you or anything like that. I would try to stay calm and give him some space right now. Depression often causes people to pull away from those that they care about the most. I suspect he wanted to be the man he thinks you deserve. When he recently broke down, he probably saw how hurt you were by it all and thought if he pulled away he would save you from that pain and probably doesn't even realize that the pulling away is causing you even more pain. He will probably come chase you again when he is feeling better. I think that you need to seriously consider if this is the type of life you'd like to live because while depression can be controlled with meds, it rarely if ever is completely cured. I'm not saying depressed people don't deserve love too, I'm just saying it does add some extra challenges to a relationship as you have clearly experienced first hand.
cflowers32 Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I'm really sorry to hear another one of us going through pain. I don't understand it either, and I totally feel for you. I get the depression part, and I am so sorry that he intended on hurting himself, that is never the answer, but I understand his pain, I've been there. Keep posting, everyone here is very supportive.
Author brneyedgrl Posted April 1, 2012 Author Posted April 1, 2012 Thank you all for the words of wisdom and advice. Even though I don't wish this pain on anybody,it's good to know there are others who know what I'm going through. Hurts like hell and consumes my thoughts but I'm trying to focus on me :-)
Life Person Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 From what you told I'd second the thoughts of rAFC. He does seem to be very confused, and if he stopped taking his meds when you got back together because he wanted to b better for you, that means he is good intentioned, only a bit misguided. If he says you caused the new depression episode, that only seems to be because of that, not anything you might have done - you did nothing wrong.
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