start-fresh Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 How much is too much to share/communicate when you're in a relationship? I'm struggling right now with whether the problems I'm perceiving in the relationship are really problems or insecurities on my part. She is a very closed off person in a lot of ways. I asked to make the relationship official and was essentially shot down because of how she defines relationships, which I guess I can deal with because at this point I would still rather be together than separate over it. When we're together doing stuff, it's good for the most part. Because she's not officially my girlfriend, I brought up the fact that I'm not sure where we stand about considering each other in plans like a couple would, in which case she basically agreed that we would make plans jointly. We just kept running into awkward moments with friends inviting us to stuff and not knowing if we should talk about it first... I feel like I'm being held at arms length, but maybe she's just different in relationships than me. The problem is I'm the only one bringing up issues. She's very passive about the whole thing so I'm just kind of stuck. I don't know whether she has absolutely no concerns about our 'relationship', or she doesn't care, or she has concerns but doesn't voice them. Also, I'm not sure if I'm insecure or have a right to feel this way considering how she's approached the relationship. I guess I haven't run into this before but I also haven't very many different women. I just want to straight up ask her... "Are you not into me or is this just how you are in relationships" but common sense tells me it's not the best way to approach things.
waiting4u Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Be honest. Ask her exactly what is your place in her life? I'm not sure how long you've been dating, but if it's more than three months, it's perfectly normal to have this talk. If it's less than three months, you need to slow down and wait cowboy. She sounds like she's either not sure about you or she's been really hurt in the past, or perhaps both. I'm this girl, so I get it. Maybe you are not the type she normally dates and she's still attempting to figure out whether you are right for her or not. Maybe she thinks you want her to relinquish freedoms that she cherishes. Maybe she is afraid of getting in too deep and getting burned. At the same time - you need to acknowledge that you have a unique path in your life that is exclusively your own path. You do not need to be a part of a "couple" to live your life the way you want to - and being part of a couple may actually hinder your own plans. I'm projecting a lot here. A relationship should supplement your life, not replace your life, if that makes sense. So yeah, it could be that you are being slightly insecure, but it's understandable. And it is indeed important to find out exactly where you stand with this girl, so just ask her. Women appreciate honesty more than men realize.
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