Eclypse Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I've just been thinking... the media has probably influenced our dating standards and not in a good way. I mean, when was the last time you saw a movie where the leading man was short, or where the leading lady was overweight. Obviously exceptions do exist, but for the majority they are usually tall, handsome men who carry themselves with confidence. Or slim, attractive women. My favourite hero in my favourite movie Aliens, is Ripley. She is the most bad ass of the bad ass, and she looks awesome while doing it. But realistically how many women do look like her? Would Aliens have succeeded with her being pudgy, acne faced and with a lisp? Would Rose have fallen for Jack in Titanic if he was short, nerdy and wore glasses? Sadly there does seem to be a sort of "ideal" stereotype promoted by movies and music. I can't think of a single rap video that isn't full of bikini babes. Anyway perhaps this is the cause for some of the angst here, and why certain people (I won't name names, they know who they are) are struggling so hard to find dates. Perhaps the media is as much to blame as anything else? What do you guys think? Am I making any sense? Or am I just blathering on like a fool (which I do often)? 2
Feelin Frisky Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Of course you're making sense (fellow Clash fan). The media are powerful influences in young people's lives and often create impressions in people's minds that cause trouble for them. For about 25 years there were cigarette adds and people like Mike Wallace and Edward R. Murrow always had a cigarette burning. That influenced many many people (along with other notables) and tobacco has killed millions of people. There is no conscience on Madison Avenue. It's all about product, sales and numbers. Girls are targeted mercilessly with ads and situations that make them feel less than if not grotesque for not being what they see on the screen. When I was a young man, they used to have a beer commercial where every day the young handsome fishermen in their yellow Helley-Hansen overalls would have a cooler full of Miller Beer bottles in it with the slogan "and now it's Miller time". Me and my friends bought that crap hook, line and sinker and were convinced that we deserved a huge tub of beer every day for doing our jobs. I was 18 or 19 and worked hard and that was BS. It got me fat and I wound up having self esteem issues over my weight where I didn't take the risks I should have of getting a better job and or a girl friend. I only seemed to move on anything when got control, lost that stinking weight and then believed in myself. (The drinking age was 18 back in the 70's). I think that was damn near criminal--like drug pushing. 3
poodle Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 The only people to blame for unrealistic dating standards are those who have them. The media has nothing to do with this, their only goal is to sell to the masses. If everybody wanted to see couples that resemble people in real life then the entertainment industry would have no choice but to produce that. Blame the consumers. 3
Author Eclypse Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 (edited) The Clash are indeed amazing. It's just a shame that most people my age have never heard of them. During morning tea last week were doing a quiz and one of the questions was "who was the lead singer of the rock band the Clash?" Of course I was the only person who was able to answer Joe Strummer!! But I disgress. And yes now that I think about it, those cigarette commercials from the 50s are just crazy. I wonder how they seemed to the people who watched them back then? Probably the same way I felt when I watched Commando on TV as a kid and thought the only way to be seen as cool was to have a body like Arnie (sadly that failed miserably). The whole woman and kitchen stereotype seemed to also begin back then in the 50s. From my 2012 mind it's almost mind boggling those even managed to be aired! Imagine the uproar if those came out today. The drinking age here in Australia is 18. A friend of mine sadly thought the only way he would be cool was if he drank himself into blackout every time he went out. He is now stuck in a dead end job after dropping out of college. Personally I don't think the drinking age has much to do with it, I'm sure the same would happen to people in the U.S when they turn 21. But now the question is can we form our own self opinions and exercise self control? I think in terms of those sorts of things we proobably can. However for most people when they watch TV and all they see are hunks and babes they must have a warped idea of the real world when they go out into it. Edited March 31, 2012 by Eclypse 1
Author Eclypse Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 The only people to blame for unrealistic dating standards are those who have them. The media has nothing to do with this, their only goal is to sell to the masses. If everybody wanted to see couples that resemble people in real life then the entertainment industry would have no choice but to produce that. Blame the consumers. I don't think I have unrealistic standards. Or maybe I do... I know I wouldn't like to date overweight women, or ones with acne or who have really short hair. That's just what I like. But I'd probably be open to giving most nice people a go. Was just wondering what others thought. Thanks for your input. 1
zengirl Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Yes, of course it does. Even the nerds, unpopular girls, etc, are pretty on TV. Very few people are not. It's why many people say they just want someone who looks "average" but what they mean is "average. . . . for TV." On the plus side, TV has also made me very bad at judging age, but it makes me think everyone is younger than they are. Probably b/c the shows I grew up with like BH 90210 (the first one) and Dawson's Creek let 30 year olds play teenagers. 1
ThaWholigan Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 The media certainly has it's part to play as it seems to be doing it's very best to present a universal ideal for what is considered attractive, which is being fed into the subconscious of many people. This is not a massive problem if you have a healthy sense of self-esteem and confidence in your attractiveness, but can have a devastating effect if you happen not to fit into that ideal. I grew up watching TV and movies and I feel that both have vastly affected what I find attractive, but perhaps not as much as the time I spent interacting with people. I know nobody in the media who looks like the girl I was most attracted to (maybe a cross between Alicia Keys and Jada Pinkett??). But I had many attractions and crushes on actresses when I was growing up, so I'd imagine that media has contributed slightly to my current standards when it comes to who I find attractive.
TaraMaiden Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Hollywood and chick-flicks also have a lot to answer for..... everything from 'Casablanca' and the rest of them, onwards....Oh! how wonderful romance is..... but the notion of revisiting those wonderful romantic couples, say, 3 years down the line, to see how they were faring... never happens, does it?
Author Eclypse Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 Hollywood and chick-flicks also have a lot to answer for..... everything from 'Casablanca' and the rest of them, onwards....Oh! how wonderful romance is..... but the notion of revisiting those wonderful romantic couples, say, 3 years down the line, to see how they were faring... never happens, does it? Well in Casablanca they don't end up together do they! Although I do agree that it is a question if most of those couples will be together in a few years. It would probably take away from the enjoyment of the movie if you find out that they will just break up. Kind of makes the preceding 2 hours a bit pointless hey Upon reading the thread title again though I don't think I fully agree with it. It should be: The media is partly to blame for unrealistic standards in dating".
El Brujo Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I think it's because people who RUN the media companies think they know better than we do as far as what the rest of us want. Personally I wonder if a lot of these media moguls responsible for crafting "the image" are in fact closet gays or lesbians who think they know what straights like us want to see.
Oxy Moronovich Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I've just been thinking... the media has probably influenced our dating standards and not in a good way. Wow. You just learned this now? I guess that's breaking news for you, huh? Here's another piece of breaking news: the Japanese have just bombed Pearl Habor; President Roosevelt is declaring war on Japan as we speak!
Els Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I think the media does propagate it to an extent, but IMO some popular dating philosophies that Western society upholds (the concept of leagues, etc) damages the possibility of genuine relationships far more. People are afraid of what other people think. They want to be liked, admired, adored. That manifests in many ways in our psyche, especially the choice of a societally-approved partner. 1
carhill Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 What do you guys think? Am I making any sense? Or am I just blathering on like a fool (which I do often)? Considering the potentials isn't a foolish pursuit, IMO. As a generality, media and society do, to various extents, form our standards regarding many aspects of life, including dating. Those extents vary with our personal response to peer and societal and media influence. We have choices. I've historically been outlier to societal norms and conventions and cast a suspicious eye upon anyone or any institution which would seek to influence me to their ends. That's one data point. Are they to 'blame'? IMO, no. They're responsible for their actions, as are each of us. If I'm influenced and change my standards, that's my choice and my responsibility.
verhrzn Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 The only people to blame for unrealistic dating standards are those who have them. The media has nothing to do with this, their only goal is to sell to the masses. If everybody wanted to see couples that resemble people in real life then the entertainment industry would have no choice but to produce that. Blame the consumers. Sorry but the research just doesn't bare out that people are entirely responsible for their perceptions. No individual is completely unaffected from society; we do not live in bubbles or ivory towers. The media and the people around us DO strongly influence how we think. As to the whole "consumers are too blame," yes and no. It's just not that simple. It's chicken or the egg. Unrealistic expectations of beauty have existed since at least medieval times/feudal China... the difference was, then only high born ladies were expected to adhere to them, as a signifier of class. Now, as we ALL define ourselves as middle class, we've adopted unrealistic beauty expectations on a much wider range. Is that a result of the media, or shifting class values? Probably both, and probably in an endless cycle that it's not really worth the energy speculating which came first. Check out this article for research done on just how damaging the media's portrayal of beauty is: Why I Hate Beauty | Psychology Today 2
ScienceGal Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I told the last guy I dated that I wasn't going to live out Annie Hall with him (his favorite movie). After leaving for the second time, he still entertained the notion that we might meet later in life. Romantic? Maybe. Waste of my time? Completely! I was discussing what women want with the guy I am dating now. He is an average "nice" guy... you know, the kind that come on LS and post about how no woman will give them a chance because they're not attractive enough or rich enough. He thinks most women want jerks who treat them poorly. I am happily proving him wrong. In my opinion, any toleration of mistreatment, or any outrageous restrictions on what constitute a "good mate", is directly correlated with one thing: immaturity. And I don't mean that to be degrading. I mean life or relationship immaturity, lack of experience and growth. It can be age related or not. For me, I used to want what I thought was "hot" or "popular". How I got definitions for those was dictated to me through people around me, and media. And, I'm sure there are deeper psychological factors as well. I finally realized that one of the reasons it was so hard for me to let go of my ex was because I lost the social aspect that he brought into my life. I was no longer going to the parties and mingling with members of the community. I felt demoted. But I felt that way because I needed him, and those people, to validate my own worth. It's all hog wash. It took me painful experiences and maturing to get where I am. It took being honest with myself about what I really want and how I am going to get it. I would hope that most people grow out of being influenced by any type of media or popular ideal, whether in local social circles or on a larger scale. I wish everyone could win the battle with their own ego. Tough stuff though. 1
EasyHeart Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 The media affects our perception of lots of things, not just physical appearance. The people on TV are all gorgeous and wear $1000 outfits, plus they live in gigantic houses that are immaculately decorated and never get messy. Even the "poor" people on TV have everything exactly perfect. It's annoying. Try to imagine living any other time in history: you probably saw maybe 100 other people in your entire life. If you were lucky, you might see a dozen women who were roughly the right age for sexual/romantic relationships, and that formed the basis for your comparison of who is hot and who is not. The people in this forum who think they "deserve" a more attractive partner than they're finding remind me a lot of the people who think they "deserve" to drive a BMW and "deserve" to have a penthouse in Manhattan. PS: I partied with the Clash in 1982. True story!
AIDsFan1488 Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I always love how the nerdy, unpopular guy in woman-comedies is always just... Fabio with glasses. Good luck finding a romantic lead that is under 6'0, without a powerful jawline, and isn't sculpted like a statue playing the role of a millionaire. I dont think the media alone is to blame, atleast not alone. I think it's a combination of media, sure, but also the titanic egos of modern people. You can have it all! *Chews bubble gum loudly* He's got to liiiiike be tall, have a six pack, make 5 times what I do, this and that. The bitch puts her profile online, and actually finds the guy that fits her "standards". Only for a week, a month, or maybe a year later to realize the dudes abusive, boring or just as shallow as she is. The woman's selection process never changes, she really thinks there is a perfect guy out there with a perfect personality who would make a perfect husband and perfect father, and all her girlfriends tell her how much she deserves it because she's perfect too . Ego-ego-ego Maybe women wouldn't be as shallow about without their movies and TV, but the issue is also their ego that gets stroked by everyone daily.
FrustratedStandards Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 (edited) Yes and no. Yes we all want our man to be those things, but not necessarily because of hollywood. I mean, who doesn't want tall, dark and handsome man who has a great career, lots of money and is chivalrous? Of course, every single woman wants one! I think the issue is more that the media has made us expect these things in a man. They make us think that if you are NOT these things, then you are NOT a real man. Everyone wants what hollywood shows us, but not everyone understands that great men also come in other packages. The media has made this particular package the standard. Although I won't lie, I kind of need tall, dark and handsome with a good career and he is a gentleman. In my defence, I am a leading lady P.S If you see these men in real life, they look nothing like how they do in movies. People just believe they do. So we also have delusion and stupidity at play. Edited March 31, 2012 by FrustratedStandards 1
AIDsFan1488 Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 It's funny how your perfect guy IS literally defined by movies. He's an illusion and real life people will never be good enough. Hopefully you find what you're looking for and when you do you get your face pummeled and cheated on every night from now until you're 100. There's nothing on your long list of standards decrying abuse or infedility, of course, so you will still be happy! Now you will predictably say "no that's not what I mean he has to be um liek...nice too!" but we all know you don't really give a ****. BTW anyone here ever watch a French movie? Yeah the people in it are decent looking, but never Brad Pitt or whatever the too-perfect flavor of the week is. You will also notice if you ever go to France that women are so much more forgiving about your height, money you make, or not being the most jacked guy than American women, yet ironically they are better looking than the typical female American couch potato 1,000 fold. Maybe there is something to it. Sorry to interrupt the Leading Lady, I'll go back to hiding in the sewers where men like me belong according to bitches like this
FrustratedStandards Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 (edited) Ahaha. I enjoyed reading that. For the record, I don't like Brad Pitt. Too feminine. OH, and i'm not American The fact that you are so defensive tells me you're insecure. Edited March 31, 2012 by FrustratedStandards 1
AIDsFan1488 Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I'm not insecure, I've just been surrounded by self-proclaimed "Leading Ladies" and "Alpha women" all my life (I live in NYC) so I've grown to really hate your type.
Els Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I think the issue is more that the media has made us expect these things in a man. They make us think that if you are NOT these things, then you are NOT a real man. Everyone wants what hollywood shows us, but not everyone understands that great men also come in other packages. The media has made this particular package the standard. Agreed. I'll leave out the rest of your post.
phineas Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 The media certainly has it's part to play as it seems to be doing it's very best to present a universal ideal for what is considered attractive, which is being fed into the subconscious of many people. This is not a massive problem if you have a healthy sense of self-esteem and confidence in your attractiveness, but can have a devastating effect if you happen not to fit into that ideal. I grew up watching TV and movies and I feel that both have vastly affected what I find attractive, but perhaps not as much as the time I spent interacting with people. I know nobody in the media who looks like the girl I was most attracted to (maybe a cross between Alicia Keys and Jada Pinkett??). But I had many attractions and crushes on actresses when I was growing up, so I'd imagine that media has contributed slightly to my current standards when it comes to who I find attractive. What if it's all a nefarious plot to reign in the population explosion on the planet? BWAAHAHAHAHAAA!!!! 1
gotye Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 to be fair, I have acne and I have had it since age 13... have been on every medication it's mostly clear and now have scars that i use 3 different creams/treatments to help reduce but I also am considered cute to very attractive... so with all the mention of acne, would you never look at me cause of my skin problems?
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