irc333 Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Okay, I was having a great time on this date, great conversation, things were going well.....and I think she was having a good time too. She a Russian (Moscow) civilian, visiting her step dad and mom in the states for the next 2 months. She claims she IS looking for a man to love and even marry. Then, she asks me, "I have 2 private questions to ask you." And I'm like "Um, okay" SHe kinda laughs, "Well, not sure if you're willing to answer them." She asked me my age, which I thought she knew (from my profile) and I told her....then she asks me how much money I made. I told her that's something I shouldn't reveal, esp on a first date. Apparently, she's a translator, knows about 4 different languages and does tutoring. She said something how she , with the kind of money she makes, might make enough money to support 2 people, and she didn't care for that idea. I am not necessarily saying that she's a gold-digger (because she's apparently looking for true love) But, wants to make sure that she can live comfortably. Bottom line, I think she was trying to figure out my financial stability by asking me my dollar amount that I make.....and not trying to figure out if I'm raking in the big bucks. But, you would think there would be another round about way to find out if a guy is financially stable by not bluntly asking his salary? Then she goes to ask me if I rent or own my own home, I said I rent of course. So I think she was trying to get an idea of how I was living Be it a dirt floor with the pigs or in a nice home? Any feedback here? I know women can be concerned with a man's financial stability, but just to ASK like that is a bit forward? Maybe it's a Russian thing? lol She told me she'd never date a Russian man, because they put their women into indentured servitude somehow. Kind of hard to do, if you're going back to Moscow in a couple of months. Then I asked her, "Do you plan on residing in the states eventually?" And she said, "Well, if I meet the love of my life in the states, then yes, if not, then I guess I will still be in Russia, with occasional visits to the states."
Star Gazer Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I am concerned about a man's financial stability and his earning power compared to mine, but never in a million years would I ever ASK that on a date. Ever. 2
FrustratedStandards Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 It's a Russian thing. A woman won't waste her time with a man who can't spoil her. Although I agree that asking on a first date is really rude. As much as I want a man with money, I would never even ask. I would just judge by the clothing he wears and the places he frequents. 1
PhillyDude Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Okay, I was having a great time on this date, great conversation, things were going well.....and I think she was having a good time too. She a Russian (Moscow) civilian, visiting her step dad and mom in the states for the next 2 months. She claims she IS looking for a man to love and even marry. Then, she asks me, "I have 2 private questions to ask you." And I'm like "Um, okay" SHe kinda laughs, "Well, not sure if you're willing to answer them." She asked me my age, which I thought she knew (from my profile) and I told her....then she asks me how much money I made. I told her that's something I shouldn't reveal, esp on a first date. Apparently, she's a translator, knows about 4 different languages and does tutoring. She said something how she , with the kind of money she makes, might make enough money to support 2 people, and she didn't care for that idea. I am not necessarily saying that she's a gold-digger (because she's apparently looking for true love) But, wants to make sure that she can live comfortably. Bottom line, I think she was trying to figure out my financial stability by asking me my dollar amount that I make.....and not trying to figure out if I'm raking in the big bucks. But, you would think there would be another round about way to find out if a guy is financially stable by not bluntly asking his salary? Then she goes to ask me if I rent or own my own home, I said I rent of course. So I think she was trying to get an idea of how I was living Be it a dirt floor with the pigs or in a nice home? Any feedback here? I know women can be concerned with a man's financial stability, but just to ASK like that is a bit forward? Maybe it's a Russian thing? lol She told me she'd never date a Russian man, because they put their women into indentured servitude somehow. Kind of hard to do, if you're going back to Moscow in a couple of months. Then I asked her, "Do you plan on residing in the states eventually?" And she said, "Well, if I meet the love of my life in the states, then yes, if not, then I guess I will still be in Russia, with occasional visits to the states." I would have asked her if she liked sucking dick after that-lol 1
xpaperxcutx Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 She's Russian and she's here on a visa going out on a date with a guy and asking him about his income nd living standards? Tge most a girl will adk someone is his occupation never his paycheck.
Art_Critic Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I would have asked her if she liked sucking dick after that-lol The problem is that she would have said yes.. then he would have a bigger problem than her asking him how much money he makes.
dasein Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Might pardon it in this instance, it's my understanding that there is an epidemic of russian men who aren't productive or financially stable, which is one reason for so many of the women to want to get out of there. Could be mistaken, but have heard that from the mouths of russian women themselves. It's still rude, probably wouldn't consider it a dealkiller in this case though, and keep an open eye towards other signs of an overly materialistic nature.
Author irc333 Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 (edited) I think she's kind of a gypsy of sorts, when she's working, she spends time traveling around. Your last long term relationship was an 8 yr relationship with a guy who lived in Europe (she lived in Moscow), not sure how they were able to handle that. But they kept traveling to see each other. He just didn't want to get married, kept putting it off, and she ended it. At least she's not a drinker. Edited March 31, 2012 by irc333
threebyfate Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Green card anyone? After all your criticisms of online dating profiles, that you'd consider this one kind of surprises me considering the two main red flags and that's: Income question.Desire to move to the States. 2
johan Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Russians are often like that. They are definitely a bit more cutthroat than we are. There's a bit of good and bad in it. Russian women aren't nearly so sentimental about love and don't consider men very reliable. For good reason, because Russian men don't seem to be. That's the good side. The bad side is they are looking for the best deal they can get. They will marry a guy they have no feelings for if he's financially stable. He doesn't even have to be rich. They don't intend to divorce him though. They'll settle for a loveless marriage.
musemaj11 Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 The more I hear stories like this, the number I feel toward women. Why give them my heart when money gets me farther with them.
EricaH329 Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 It's pretty common for a woman to want to know what a man, that she might have a future with, makes. I understand that we should love eachother through thick and thin, and all of that great stuff, but that doesn't usually happen until a person is actually in love. I do think it was pretty blunt of her to come straight out and ask that on a first date, however, if that's something she is looking for in a mate, then maybe that's something that needs to be established up front.
Dust Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I'd give her some leeway on this if you like her otherwise. The answer to this question should have just been "I'm very comfortable" or "I do good for myself." Really that could mean anything. What the heck does owning a home really mean? It used to be people thought owning a home was an investment hahahaha. Today it just needs to be looked at as housing. I truely believe you can get the best deals from renting and save easily thousands a year not to mention you gain the mobility of never being tied down. I know millionaires who choose to rent instead of own... sure these milionaires own property as investments but thats of a completely nature. I know a guy who owns comercial property which generates over 100k a month in rent. Thats what I call an investment. Buying some condo or suburb house you'll lucky if you can sell it an break even these days. Just imagine gauranteed saving every year, every months... so yes get a house if you're looking at it from a housing perspective... but renting just seems so much cheaper.... expecialy since you can rent a house for dirt cheap.
123321 Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 That's pretty common for women from Eastern Europe. No big thing, just shrug and say "enough to stay out of trouble" or something. 2
PlumPrincess Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Russians are often like that. They are definitely a bit more cutthroat than we are. There's a bit of good and bad in it. Russian women aren't nearly so sentimental about love and don't consider men very reliable. For good reason, because Russian men don't seem to be. That's the good side. The bad side is they are looking for the best deal they can get. They will marry a guy they have no feelings for if he's financially stable. He doesn't even have to be rich. They don't intend to divorce him though. They'll settle for a loveless marriage. A friend of mine studied in Russia and I remember she mentioned that the quality of the men there isn't that great. There's also a demographic shift towards women, so the competition among women to find a decent guy is tough. I guess, if you are poor and most men aren't that great providers, you will skip romance, become tough and take a more realistic approach to life. Nevertheless, asking someone point blank about his income is not the most diplomatic thing to do. Maybe she wanted to be very clear and cut through the sh*t, but still, it's not a good idea.
musemaj11 Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 A friend of mine studied in Russia and I remember she mentioned that the quality of the men there isn't that great. There's also a demographic shift towards women, so the competition among women to find a decent guy is tough. I guess, if you are poor and most men aren't that great providers, you will skip romance, become tough and take a more realistic approach to life. Thats the difference between men and women. When things get tough, men fight while women look for someone to fight for them. I mean you are not going to find a single father who goes around looking for a wife to provide for him and his children. Even if he finds a woman, chances are he will still look to provide for her. The fact of life remains that men are born givers while women are born takers.
oaks Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Then, she asks me, "I have 2 private questions to ask you." At least she knew it was a private question, and that you might choose not to answer. I don't usually reveal my income early on, but I might describe it in terms of the national average or some other demographic term (eg, "well, I'm in the top x% of earners, but most of it goes on rent.") The practical angle (ignoring the gold-digger or plain rudeness possibilities) is that dating someone on a very different income level (or, perhaps, someone with a very different amount of residual income after their fixed living costs are paid for) can be tricky because some date ideas seem "too expensive" or "too cheap" or "not what I'm used to" to the other person and that makes them feel uncomfortable. If I want to take a girlfriend on a weekend to Paris or Dublin (I'm in the UK, so it's not a totally crazy idea, but it's more than just dinner-and-a-movie) and she says "but I can't afford that" then there's potential for embarrassment, awkwardness etc.
oaks Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I would just judge by the clothing he wears and the places he frequents. So long as you have the experience to know that the guys in the most expensive clothes aren't always the rich ones, you'll be fine.
PlumPrincess Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Thats the difference between men and women. When things get tough, men fight while women look for someone to fight for them. I mean you are not going to find a single father who goes around looking for a wife to provide for him and his children. Even if he finds a woman, chances are he will still look to provide for her. The fact of life remains that men are born givers while women are born takers. And you would feel fine with staying at home while your wife brings the money home? You would not start complaining that the evil feminazis are trying to emasculate men? 1
Author irc333 Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 (edited) I started thinking about the conversation we had on our date. When she was describing her last 8 year relationship with a guy....she was giving me an idea of how it was with him.....at the time. She said they always MADE time for each other, taking the time to travel to see each other, where most men she's met said they were too busy or didn't have the time to travel to see her or her to see him. He was always "there" which she appreciated. Then she mentions, "He even sent me money when I would need it." *Another red flag*?? lol She mentioned the last guy she was dating for a shorter period, after her LTR, was a very "private" person and wasn't looking for anything long term, but I was wondering if he was still having his "fun" with her, with her short visit to her parents here in the states? I wonder if American men , while her visit here, when they found out this "money" thing she has, still see if they get a little action, before she's back in Moscow? She also lied about her age short of 3 years to avoid a stalker for some reason. At least she knew it was a private question, and that you might choose not to answer. I don't usually reveal my income early on, but I might describe it in terms of the national average or some other demographic term (eg, "well, I'm in the top x% of earners, but most of it goes on rent.") The practical angle (ignoring the gold-digger or plain rudeness possibilities) is that dating someone on a very different income level (or, perhaps, someone with a very different amount of residual income after their fixed living costs are paid for) can be tricky because some date ideas seem "too expensive" or "too cheap" or "not what I'm used to" to the other person and that makes them feel uncomfortable. If I want to take a girlfriend on a weekend to Paris or Dublin (I'm in the UK, so it's not a totally crazy idea, but it's more than just dinner-and-a-movie) and she says "but I can't afford that" then there's potential for embarrassment, awkwardness etc. Edited March 31, 2012 by irc333
RedRobin Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 How did you ask her about her financial situation? If hers is important to you, then it should be no surprise that yours is important to her. I see she volunteered her financial status... or so it seems. English isn't her first language, keep in mind. In my interactions with many people from many different countries, sometimes questions come out blunt because they don't know all of the words that 'soften' questions and conversations. When I meet a guy, I don't care about how much he makes. I just want to know he manages whatever he makes responsibly AND is ok with me possibly making more than him without a) flipping out and questioning his 'manhood' or b) becoming a barnacle/couch potato.
RedRobin Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 just read the your last post... um.. I'm not sure if this is the kind of arrangement you are looking for. Seems like she wants a long-distance f-buddy with some $$ thrown in. Some men are ok with that.
Author irc333 Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 just read the your last post... um.. I'm not sure if this is the kind of arrangement you are looking for. Seems like she wants a long-distance f-buddy with some $$ thrown in. Some men are ok with that. Yeah I know...it might be the PERFECT arrangement for some men. Getting some action, then "Oh, you're going back to Russia? Sorry to hear that." Surprisingly, she only ordered a soda, and I got a meal (paid for them both). She had already eaten earlier. lol Yeah, but that remark about her last boyfriend sending/wiring her money....not sure about that. She lives with her brother when she's in Moscow. Never dates men there.
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