Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 He doesn't find fault with you at all? Only reassures you? Nothing but compliments? Are we remembering two different relationships? What happened to all the "fights" you were having? What happened to you being through with him after just 29 days of dating? I mean now. Since communication has gotten better. Don't twist my words its hard enough to wite from my phone.. again not going yo drudge up old stuff, we're good .
Star Gazer Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I mean now. Since communication has gotten better. Don't twist my words its hard enough to wite from my phone.. again not going yo drudge up old stuff, we're good . I'm not twisting your words? It's been 11 days since you last said you were fighting, you said you were through with him and you were ignoring his texts, and all of a sudden "now" you see yourself with him long-term? "Now" has an awfully short duration for you, paper. You really seem to turn on a dime with this guy. Anyway, best of luck. I'm not sure there's really anything more that can be said at this point.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 Have you said anything to him to lead him to believe that you're not keeping your options open? No.. but when we were fighting I kind of said let's date other people just to get a rise out of him. And I really didn't date other people. I merely have a active profile that I occasionally go on.
Million.to.1 Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I sabotaged my last relationship by staying guarded because i was scared. **** scared. He was my dream. I could see it all with him. But I didn't want to get hurt again and he craved an intimacy that i could not give. My self doubt made him question the relationship and so he put an end to it. What are you scared of? Do you think that eventually you'll get hurt because he will dump you? Do you feel in some way that you are not good enough? Are you still feeling weak from a previous heart-ache? I think you need to really think about why you are scared. What is it that could happen that you don't want? 1
threebyfate Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 xpaper, try to visualize building a relationship like a house. Each one of you places a brick and mortars it into place with trust and all the good things like love and respect. Slowly, you each continue placing your bricks, creating a solid foundation. But if one person lays a brick, then yanks it out when it's the other person's turn to lay their brick, what's going to happen? Hella' lot of confusion and distrust, no?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 I'm not twisting your words? It's been 11 days since you last said you were fighting, you said you were through with him and you were ignoring his texts, and all of a sudden "now" you see yourself with him long-term? "Now" has an awfully short duration for you, paper. You really seem to turn on a dime with this guy. Anyway, best of luck. I'm not sure there's really anything more that can be said at this point.ii Its more of a thought process like I said overactive imagination. I don't think thereis more to be said you seem to want to take my words to a T when most of what I write twnd to be emotionally motivated. Imagining. Long term is not the same as actually being in one. If two week is not a good period to start anew what is? I'm being rational through logic even though I do act on impulse. Amywujust wnted to get rhisa off my chest.
westrock Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 the idea of wanting someone so much I think about how weak of a person it makes me feel. When we're together I ;iterally get tonguetied and shy. Somehow you have associated wanting someone and being tonguetied and shy as being weak. Any experiences from your past or other relationships you've observed that led you to that belief? That belief is preventing you from allowing yourself to fall in love. No.. but when we were fighting I kind of said let's date other people just to get a rise out of him. Sounds like you prefer drama over a healthy relationship. Do you know why you are afraid of a healthy relationship? 1
kaylan Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Kay this is why I'm writing about it, and not acting on my actions. It's also because he has an effect on me, similar to lovesickness which is why I'm slightly unsettled. Can you believe he is the first guy I can see myself being with longterm? He doesn't find fault with me and all he has ever said to me were reassuring words especially I'm stressed at work.he has nothing but compliments even when I never ask him for it.I'm not trying to mess things up... I'm trying to find a way to not let my insecurities ruin All you can do is open up and trust yourself and trust him. The way to walk away from insecurities is to have no expectations and to have trust. At least thats what has worked for me. Dont have all these expectations of success or failure. Simply hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Feel me? Take this day by day and just open up to the guy if you like him so much. If you actually see yourself with him long term then you should trust him and you should trust yourself. Stop thinking so much and simply step outside of yourself...take a deep breath...look at the situation objectively...then step back within yourself and go from there. All I can really say is that you have to figure out what makes you tick. You have to figure out what you want and how to get it. All of us here cant do much. Our advice isnt going to change you. You have to change you.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 I sabotaged my last relationship by staying guarded because i was scared. **** scared. He was my dream. I could see it all with him. But I didn't want to get hurt again and he craved an intimacy that i could not give. My self doubt made him question the relationship and so he put an end to it. What are you scared of? Do you think that eventually you'll get hurt because he will dump you? Do you feel in some way that you are not good enough? Are you still feeling weak from a previous heart-ache? I think you need to really think about why you are scared. What is it that could happen that you don't want? I'm scared I'm not perfect for him and if he does end up being the guy I fall for then yes, I'm afraid of being dumped. If I don't tell people, they will never understand my I have insecurities. At least to him, I'm the feisty Asian girl who likes to boss him around from time to time. I hate veing vulnerable and being emotionally open makes me so.
amantis Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Just stop with all the stress ... Enjoy the moment , and see what happen next Whats the worst that could happen ?
AlexDP Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 And then you had one more date, and last week you were through with him, right? How have you made a complete turnaround? I wish you the best, but this is NO foundation upon which to build anything solid. Including this latest information about you consciously sabotaging. The fundamental problem lies with her anyway. As long as she realises she's got some stuff to deal with and is willing to do so, she'll be fine. That also includes not seeing this guy as "the best thing that has ever happened to her" or "completely different from all the other guys before him". You and I both know she's going to cheat on this guy once he gets close. But the fact she's realising it's her means a lot.
Professor X Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 This reminds me of ES old threads and one can only hope we won't see a thread about him every 2-3 days with cold and hot stuff. You guys giving her advice is just falling on deaf ears, like, no sane person would continue a RS that had drama since day 1, but she did, so w/e @op - you already fell for him. 1
waiting4u Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I'm right there with you girl. And I'm super happy for you. Falling in love rocks. And it is sooo scary. As far as some of the comments go - it's impossible to paint a complete picture on LS of what is happening in real life. So take some of this stuff with a grain of salt. There are a lot of bitter and angry people here that sort of want to rain on your parade. Have confidence in yourself and make your own decisions. Slow things down maybe? MUST you talk every day? Maybe see him a little less, talk with him a little less, and try and cultivate your own interests a little more so you feel more autonomous and less lost in coupledom. And congratulations! Try not to over think things - I know it's hard.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 There are a lot of bitter and angry people here that sort of want to rain on your parade. Have confidence in yourself and make your own decisions. Slow things down maybe? MUST you talk every day? Maybe see him a little less, talk with him a little less, and try and cultivate your own interests a little more so you feel more autonomous and less lost in coupledom. And congratulations! Try not to over think things - I know it's hard. One of the main problems has been that he's rarely seen her or spoken with her in the 2 or 3 months since they've met. Maybe 5 or 6 times face to face? I don't see bitter and angry on this thread. Most of us have been participating in paper's threads about this guy since they met and I think we have valid concerns. But I do wish you the best, paper, and I definitely believe that the "don't overthink" is good advice. Also, if you really like the guy, TAKE YOUR DATING PROFILE DOWN. 1
Professor X Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Also, if you really like the guy, TAKE YOUR DATING PROFILE DOWN. That makes to much sense, ya know? 1
snug.bunny Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Every time something good happens between us like him calling me, I find myself logging onto OKC. This is quite telling. It sounds like you have difficulty with having your needs fulfilled by one person. I mean, from what you stated above, he is fulling certain wants/needs but your knee jerk response is to seek out additional validation. My initial thought to that is "this" has less to do with HIM and more to do with YOU. But, you've appeared to have already identified that, based on this thread. I don't know this fella, but if I were him, I would not get involved with someone who needs to seek out additional attention, when it's already (from what it sounds like) being provided. It would be different if he rarely called, rarely spent time with you, wanted to date other people, didn't want a relationship, yadda yadda. But that doesn't seem to be the case here. Interesting. 1
Star Gazer Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 One of the main problems has been that he's rarely seen her or spoken with her in the 2 or 3 months since they've met. Maybe 5 or 6 times face to face? They met like 40 days ago, not 3 months.
veggirl Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Kay this is why I'm writing about it, and not acting on my actions. It's also because he has an effect on me, similar to lovesickness which is why I'm slightly unsettled. Can you believe he is the first guy I can see myself being with longterm? He doesn't find fault with me and all he has ever said to me were reassuring words especially I'm stressed at work.he has nothing but compliments even when I never ask him for it.I'm not trying to mess things up... I'm trying to find a way to not let my insecurities ruin You really need to be careful. No wonder you are scared. It has been too short of a time of him on "good behavior" for you to say these things. Just slow down!!! Relax. He doesn't have to be the guy you are with forever, you don't need to worry about if he can be or is that guy yet! Before. I told him it was too early to be his girlfriend. He seemed a little hurt at the time. It was too early. And I still don't understand if you guys are BF/GF yet? Your fear is stemming from the godawful way this R started. It's totally understandable. If you were enjoying a healthy R, I truly don't think you'd feel this way. A healthy, happy R has a way of calming people, the major fears and anxieties just DON'T HAPPEN like they are with you. It's a bad sign.
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