xpaperxcutx Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Over these last two weeks my best friend has commented I've changed and that I've been getting a puppy sick look everytime I talk or even mention the guy I was dating. He's shown me more Consistency than anyone I've ever dated_ he texts and calls and even apologizes when he gets back to me late. Our last meeting we spent together in bed having amazing sex and he made me breakfast in the morning. We're smitten with each other so much so he calls :)me his girl and babe; and as much as I hate pet names I like the fact he calls me " his". Furthermore he makes me contemplate a future with him, the thoughts of which makes me incredibly scared. I have never felt this way not even with my exes and my best friend tells me to just enojy it. How can I? I have this fear of falling for him first because I've always been so headstrong and the idea of wanting someone so much I think about how weak of a person it makes me feel. When we're together I ;iterally get tonguetied and shy. His honesty also frightens me. He places so much trust in me about his dreams his family and his jobs I feel sas if he just entrusted me with the key to his heart. He literally told me that he will trust me until I act in a way that makeshim think otherwise. I feel like I'm going to betray his trust.
Badsingularity Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 The feelings you are having don't make you weak. They make you normal.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 The feelings you are having don't make you weak. They make you normal. The feeling is normal but its not normal for me. Hehasnt given me any reason to distrust especially after he proved to me time and time again how much he's willing to b.e with me. The prolmblem is me.
Star Gazer Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I feel like I'm going to betray his trust. This contradicts your thread title, don't you think? What makes you think you're going to betray him?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 This contradicts your thread title, don't you think? What makes you think you're going to betray him? SG you are aware of my selfsabotaging nature right? I still have my online profiles up even though he had taken his off 2-3 months ago. I'm not exactly looking for anyone else yet I don' t think I'm obligated to take them down. Every time something good happens between us like him calling me, I find myself logging onto OKC. Mostly I just log on out of curiosity and boredom. Sometimes I think he might be sble to find me online.
Star Gazer Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 SG you are aware of my selfsabotaging nature right? I still have my online profiles up even though he had taken his off 2-3 months ago. I'm not exactly looking for anyone else yet I don' t think I'm obligated to take them down. Every time something good happens between us like him calling me, I find myself logging onto OKC. Mostly I just log on out of curiosity and boredom. Sometimes I think he might be sble to find me online. Are you exclusive yet?
kaylan Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Is this the same guy from the other threads? or is this your best friend youre dating? Or some new guy altogether? Im confused
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 Are you exclusive yet? No but at some point I know he will bring up the topic again. Even though it's been left unsaid we are seeing each other only and having sex with each other. It isn't the fact that I feel like I'm cheating on him its more of the fact I am conscious that I'm merely keeping my options open so I can avoid falling for him. My best friend has commented we act incredibly sweet with each other.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 Is this the same guy from the other threads? or is this your best friend youre dating? Or some new guy altogether? Im confused Ugh you wouldn't believe me if everything I wrote in my last thread came a oit due another misunderstanding on my part and I was the one who blew everything out of proportion. So I'm not going to drudge up old wounds... We're really happy right now... we haven't fought. Communication has been incredible and yeah nothing out the ordonary. This thread is not about him its about me.
threebyfate Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 xpaper, once you've become exclusive, wouldn't the easiest way to avoid any issues is to shut down your profile? Is it the validation that draws you back to your online dating site? Could it be an addiction?
kaylan Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 (edited) ^^Whatever you say paper. My advice from the past threads stand firm. Good luck, but I still dont trust the rocky start. But if things are good now, I guess run with it. Eh. EDIT: P.S. - The reason you are freaking out about all of his sharing is because again things seem to be moving to fast for your liking. I dont see why the hell you guys just cant slow down and not think so much. Especially you. I understand that its weird for someone people when others are too open with them too quickly. Edited March 31, 2012 by kaylan 1
zengirl Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 The same guy? Oh, paper, this is not going to end well. I wish I thought differently but. . . all that drama. . . it's just highly unlikely. Good luck to you, I guess, but I think the self-sabotaging thing here is continuing to pursue this when you know it has not gone well.
kaylan Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 The same guy? Oh, paper, this is not going to end well. I wish I thought differently but. . . all that drama. . . it's just highly unlikely. Good luck to you, I guess, but I think the self-sabotaging thing here is continuing to pursue this when you know it has not gone well. Agree. Itd make for a great prime time tv dramedy tho. Id watch a show about the dating life of a spunky Asian American NYC girl.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 ^^Whatever you say paper. My advice from the past threads stand firm. Good luck, but I still dont trust the rocky start. But if things are good now, I guess run with it. Eh. EDIT: P.S. - The reason you are freaking out about all of his sharing is because again things seem to be moving to fast for your liking. I dont see why the hell you guys just cant slow down and not think so much. Especially you. I understand that its weird for someone people when others are too open with them too quickly. There are things id pressured him about ie his childhood and then there were things which he openly shared without me asking ie. His famiy. My brst friend told me he might just do these things just to impress me. Again it's me, I have an overactive imagination. Again its not him, its me. I tend to have an over active imagination
Star Gazer Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I think kaylan is mad that you two never met up. How did your guy (don't know what to call him since he's not your BF) bring up exclusivity the first time? 1
kaylan Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 (edited) I think kaylan is mad that you two never met up. How did your guy (don't know what to call him since he's not your BF) bring up exclusivity the first time? No offense to paper, but I wouldnt want to be bothered with the drama. There are things id pressured him about ie his childhood and then there were things which he openly shared without me asking ie. His famiy. My brst friend told me he might just do these things just to impress me. Again it's me, I have an overactive imagination. Again its not him, its me. I tend to have an over active imagination Then chill and slow down homie. Just like everyone keeps telling you. Its aint that hard. If you cant do that, then maybe you should be single. Because if you like this guy so much and arent ready for a partnership, why mess up a future before youre ready for it? If anything itd allow you to slow up and keep perspective while also keeping him in your life. Edited March 31, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Unecessary
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 xpaper, once you've become exclusive, wouldn't the easiest:cool: way to avoid any issues is to shut down your profile? Is it the validation that draws you back to your online dating site? Could it be an addiction?t55ý Good question TBF. He hasn't questioned my fidelity because I haven't given him reason to. The only problem is I don't clearly understand myself and my choices at times. Right now the only validation I care about comes from him. What litter⅞ attention I get online I don't realy care abt.
threebyfate Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 t55ý Good question TBF. He hasn't questioned my fidelity because I haven't given him reason to. The only problem is I don't clearly understand myself and my choices at times. Right now the only validation I care about comes from him. What litter⅞ attention I get online I don't realy care abt.We all take chances and sometimes we get hurt. But if we don't take those chances, we'll never experience real love. That said, in this situation, you're still dating. Just take it slow and easy like kaylan has stated, at the pace that the two of you can compromise on.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 I think kaylan is mad that you two never met up. How did your guy (don't know what to call him since he's not your BF) bring up exclusivity the first time? Kaylan means well. He's a good guy and his advices have been goodi pressing He asked me to be his girlfriend on our third date. We had dinner and we drove back to his place for a movie. He was really nervous...hetoldme he had ia question to ask me yet didn't know what kind of answer to expect. He told me I didn't even have to answer if it made me uncomfortable. Then he decided to put it off until we were watching the movie. He I pressed him about it and he blurted out he wanted me to be his girl. I shot him down then and therre. That was also the first night we had sex. He later told he would never sleep with a girl outside of a relationship.
Star Gazer Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Kaylan means well. He's a good guy and his advices have been goodi pressing He asked me to be his girlfriend on our third date. We had dinner and we drove back to his place for a movie. He was really nervous...hetoldme he had ia question to ask me yet didn't know what kind of answer to expect. He told me I didn't even have to answer if it made me uncomfortable. Then he decided to put it off until we were watching the movie. He I pressed him about it and he blurted out he wanted me to be his girl. I shot him down then and therre. That was also the first night we had sex. He later told he would never sleep with a girl outside of a relationship. Did he ask you to be his GF before or after sex? And how did you "shoot him down"? What specific words did you say?
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 And then you had one more date, and last week you were through with him, right? How have you made a complete turnaround? I wish you the best, but this is NO foundation upon which to build anything solid. Including this latest information about you consciously sabotaging. 1
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 (edited) No offense to paper, but I wouldnt want to be bothered with the drama. Then chill and slow down homie. Just like everyone keeps telling you. Its aint that hard. If you cant do that, then maybe you should be single. Because if you like this guy so much and arent ready for a partnership, why mess up a future before youre ready for it? If anything itd allow you to slow up and keep perspective while also keeping him in your life. Kay this is why I'm writing about it, and not acting on my actions. It's also because he has an effect on me, similar to lovesickness which is why I'm slightly unsettled. Can you believe he is the first guy I can see myself being with longterm? He doesn't find fault with me and all he has ever said to me were reassuring words especially I'm stressed at work.he has nothing but compliments even when I never ask him for it.I'm not trying to mess things up... I'm trying to find a way to not let my insecurities ruin Edited March 31, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edited quote
Star Gazer Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Can you believe he is the first guy I can see myself being with longterm? He doesn't find fault with me and all he has ever said to me were reassuring words especially I'm stressed at work.he has nothing but compliments even when I never ask him for it.I'm not trying to mess things up... I'm trying to find a way to not let my insecurities ruin He doesn't find fault with you at all? Only reassures you? Nothing but compliments? Are we remembering two different relationships? What happened to all the "fights" you were having? What happened to you being through with him after just 29 days of dating? 1
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 Did he ask you to be his GF before or after sex? And how did you "shoot him down"? What specific words did you say? Before. I told him it was too early to be his girlfriend. He seemed a little hurt at the time.
Star Gazer Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Before. I told him it was too early to be his girlfriend. He seemed a little hurt at the time. Have you said anything to him to lead him to believe that you're not keeping your options open?
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