mymission Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Ever since we've broken up he's said nothing but horrible things to me, pointed out character flaws or given me lists of insults. He's never once tried to say anything nice to soften the blow. Not 'You're a good girl who'll find somebody else who'll care for ya'. Nothing at all!!! All these things keep going round in my head. How am I supposed to get my self-confidence back, he's completely destroyed it. I had it before I met him! It was in the relationship as well. Towards the last few months he made me feel really guilty for things. Even things from my past before I met him. And I just feel like I'll never believe anybody again if they tell me they love me, or think I'm attractive. I want it back.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 You are giving this louse way too much power. I totally get the abuse; I was beaten down mentally and verbally and for awhile believed I was nothing. Then I thought...in HIS eyes, am these terrible things, not in anyone else's; just him. Think of your esteem before this loser. I have learned that any negative thing that is said to you is PROJECTION. It's stuff they hate about themselves. They don't like themselves, so they turn it on to the person they are with.You were his target and an easy one because you are kind and sincere. The way I went about getting my old self back was slowly but surely. I got my hair done, another time I got a pedicure---soooooo needed that:) Went to the gym--the endorphins are wonderful and I swear I could hear my heart saying 'thank you..thank you...thank you...":) You KNOW in your heart you are beautiful inside and out. The one flaw you had was him and you got rid of it;) It's also a Fox and Grapes thing--I didn't want them ol' sour gapes anyway....he wanted 'em before, no? Anyone who is verbally and mentally abusive has issues of their own===these are NOT YOUR ISSUES. It's him, not you. Write down all your positive traits. This may take a lot of paper;) Write down his positive traits...This may take time...days even, lOL;) Don't let some sad sack of an individual dictate your esteem. Your esteem comes from within; believe in yourself!!! He needs to be punched in the vagina. 1
Author mymission Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 Yeah I know what you mean. He finds it really easy to say those things. And I can tell it makes him feel better. I think he always thought he was better than me (or didn't cos of his low self-esteem as the case may be). When we argued he'd always say "you think you can find better?", or "you won't find better than me". I'm just in this rut as well, nothing is really going on career wise, and I had to move back with my parents. Its hard to find confidence right now.
sweetheart5381 Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Ever since we've broken up he's said nothing but horrible things to me, pointed out character flaws or given me lists of insults. He's never once tried to say anything nice to soften the blow. Not 'You're a good girl who'll find somebody else who'll care for ya'. Nothing at all!!! All these things keep going round in my head. How am I supposed to get my self-confidence back, he's completely destroyed it. I had it before I met him! It was in the relationship as well. Towards the last few months he made me feel really guilty for things. Even things from my past before I met him. And I just feel like I'll never believe anybody again if they tell me they love me, or think I'm attractive. I want it back. That's why you should not have any contact at all until all the emotions have settled. You will gain your self-respect back by taking back the power they have to hurt you - just remember how you felt when they were not the center of your attention. It will happen again, trust me. Put that dufus on ignore and do it for you. When you start thinking about the hurtful things he said make a conscious choice to shut them out. Change the station, so to speak. We feel according to what we think, and we do have a choice over our own thoughts. In the end, you don't need another to say they love you or find you attractive, what you need is to absolutely believe that you are. 1
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