Blackened Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Title sums it up well. I've been hurt a lot, cheated on mostly. A lot of my relationships ended when someone better came along. Or at least someone they thought was better. I've often felt like a practice dummy. When I was in high school I dated someone who I seemed to really connect with. My parents made me stop seeing him. They told me I might think I'm connected to him, but I'm too young to know what a real connection is... etc. Now, here it is quite a few years later, and him and I are dating again. The connection is still there. Its like we picked up right where we left off all that time ago. But... he has also had a lot of the same experiences. He's been cheated on a lot, etc. So, as to be expected, we are both untrusting cynical people when it come to love. This has come out already in our relationship. Like, for example, I was his friend on facebook for all of two hours. Fb has caused problems for me in past relationships... a comment he made to another woman gave me the slightest hint of jealousy, sp I unfriended him. I explained that I'm not going down this road again with facebook drama and bs. And as expected, he was hurt that I unfriended him... I really hate using fb as an example because it sounds so trite. Its just the simplest one to explain. There have been other similar things. So, how can two cynics learn to trust each other? I really do feel so strongly for him... I did twent years ago and I do now. And I know he feels the same way. The old ghosts need excorcized I guess. But how? PS, I am typing this on a phone, sorry if it seems sloppy.
january2011 Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 By acknowledging that this is happening. By being self-aware enough to recognise when you're overreacting. Allowing the other person to address your concerns in a calm and reasonable manner without jumping in and letting your emotions and reflexes get the better of you. By patiently and respectfully disconnecting emotionally temporarily and using active listening to allow each other to have a freak out every now and again - which hopefully will lessen in frequency over time as you open up to each other and accept the support and care that you can give each other. By working together and building a supportive space to voice concerns. By learning to recognise your triggers and understand why you are reacting as you are. By talking it out with yourself/partner and coming up with coping strategies to deal with your reactions to your triggers. By having honest and open communication.
Author Blackened Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 Thank you... I guess this isn't too bad a problem to have. It definitely could be worse.
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