EricaisHappy Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 I've been with my bf for 8 months. Not a long time I know. But we just moved in together and things are going great. When we first got together he said he would never get married again. We both have been married before. Before I would move in with him, I wanted to know "where" we were headed, so I asked his intentions, he said "someday" he would like to be married again. And he says things like we are headed for great things, and we will be married, he's working on it ect... He asked me the other day what my ring size was. BUT I seen on his amazon account he had a garnet 3 stone ring saved. (not really an engagement ring I suppose) So I am not sure what to think. Any thoughts? Is this just a "ring". Did I get my hopes up for nothing Thanks in advance!
Jane2011 Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Try not to think about it. Eight months is a little quick to be thinking about marriage.
Author EricaisHappy Posted March 30, 2012 Author Posted March 30, 2012 I have known people that have gotten married sooner and are happier than ever, so whos to say its to soon
Jane2011 Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 I know. People do get married quickly sometimes. I'm just saying don't obsess over it. If he'd already asked you, it would be fine to be excited. But it doesn't sound like it's a sure thing at all (for right now). You're just looking at his amazon account and getting excited about something that isn't even solidified yet. Not trying to rain on your parade, just saying...calm down, calm down, lol
FitChick Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 If he hasn't proposed a year from now, then start to worry.
Jane2011 Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Also, isn't it the case that an engagement ring can be any kind of ring as long as you state that it's the engagement ring?
Star Gazer Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 If I was at all concerned about marrying him, I wouldn't have moved in with him without the ring on my finger first. He very well could have told you what he thought you wanted to hear in order for you to agree to move in.
make me believe Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 If I was at all concerned about marrying him, I wouldn't have moved in with him without the ring on my finger first. He very well could have told you what he thought you wanted to hear in order for you to agree to move in. Yep. If your goal is to get married, and you won't be happy being his live-in girlfriend forever, then I think you made a bad move by moving in with him. Guys can say a LOT of things to get what they want, and the fact that he is saying "someday" he would like to be married again doesn't really mean much. You've only been together for 8 months so I wouldn't stress about it yet... but at the year mark, or after 6ish months of living together, I'd have a serious talk about what he thinks of US getting married, potential timelines, etc, not just marriage in general.
Author EricaisHappy Posted March 30, 2012 Author Posted March 30, 2012 I have thought about that also. He could have bull****ted me. Your right. I hope thats not the case. I guess I shouldnt be in such a hurry to get married. Besides whats left after that right lol
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 (edited) You guys just moved in together, 8 months isn't a whole lot of time either. It's always funny when people say "so and so got married in six months and they're so happy so that means I can do it to!"...really what does anyone else relationship have to do with yours? and really? do you know for sure that a few years down the road they'll be married... So I'll tell you a story too... A guy tried to convince me how happily married he was one time because I've always been sketchy about marriage, but he was good friends with my gf at the time so I had to be polite and he was also married with child. So he would tell me how great his marriage was and how happy he was and how they were so in love (which honestly was the first guy in my experience ever that i heard talk like this and It felt fake) and how I should get married too yadda yadda...I told him I didn't believe it because he was trying too hard to convince me and painted too "pleasant" of a picture but he kept insisting and tried to give me all that hopeful, optimistic advice that people give when trying to nudge you on (guy was really smart too, an MD now) but I wasn't buying what he was selling, I told my gf he was full of **** and she of course told me how I couldn't judge his relationship and how I shouldn't be negative...you know, the normal things women say! but I decided to not even say anything because it's not even worth the argument to either of them, I just knew better than that. They were only married 2 to 4 years, I think they married quickly after meeting. I don't remember how long it was, but then bam...the truth came out little by little, started hearing about the deterioration of his relationship...all of a sudden counseling, arguments, then it was all over several years later. I never told the guy I told you so or gave him a hard time, I just pretended I didn't even know he was having problems but he stopped trying to convince me...I actually felt pretty bad for the guy, I respected his grief and never brought it up. My point is, judge your relationship for your relationship, not anyone else but also don't be so naive to think everything is perfect and great and just stays that way. It's great that your relationship is going well, but you really don't know what it's made of until you start hitting the bumps on the road. Plus this guy told he was not interested in getting married again...women really need to listen to men more often instead of just hope that he'll change his mind. When a guy tells you something like that you need to take it seriously, because men don't communicate a whole lot all of the time but that time he definitely was, that's something you should remember. Show him you're not just this happy-go-lucky typical let's get married girl and that you can really be a partner and someone who's not just expecting to be pampered in a bed of roses. Show him something of substance instead of "oh this relationship is so perfect and I'm so in love, lets get married!" Imagine how many guys a time would be married if he took women on up on that offer? for some guys, lots! So just take your time, don't work towards that "goal" and expectation, you need to gauge how he feels about the relationship not just what you want in your life, what he wants is important and If you can get that information then you'll know what will happen in the future...because someday could mean a looooooong time and quite possibly never. Not trying to give you a buzz kill, but c'mon, 8 months? and the guys been married before and says he doesn't want to do that again...probably doesn't even want to think of that right now...unless he's had some kind of epiphany which would surprise the hell out of me, but then again I don't know all the details..from what it sounds like, you better cool your jets and not press him on this or you'll be out the door and it'll be the decline of the relationship...but If you're looking for marriage...that honestly might be for the best to prevent wasted time on your part because that time may not be here now, but it will come in the future and he might decide it's not on the table for him. Edited March 31, 2012 by Ninjainpajamas 3
Author EricaisHappy Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 Im probably going to sound like your gf here, but you sure are a negative person! I on the other hand are a very positive person:D and I will look at my relationship in a positive way. I have never "pressured" him about marriage, I "asked" him his intentions which I feel I had every right before moving in together. Some people dont believe in even moving in together before marriage. I do. I dont judge other, therefore dont believe I should be judge nor told "its only been 8 months, come on". every relationship is different. All I was asking is whether this "ring" could be an engagement ring being it is not a "diamond one. Thats all.
january2011 Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Given that some guys can proprose on a whim because they 'feel like it' compared to some guys who do their research and plan everything, my view is that he's going to propose when he's going to propose. What you need to do is to manage your expectations and try not to invest too much emotional and mental energy into something that might or might not happen. Rather than trying to predict when and if he's going to do it, focus on what you can control. Failing that, if you really need to feed this elephant in the room, try googling for the John Molloy's Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others outline posted on the Book Outlines Wiki website. Hopefully, it won't get you too wound up regarding your own personal situation, but it might be an interesting diversion to read some of the research in this area.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Im probably going to sound like your gf here, but you sure are a negative person! I on the other hand are a very positive person:D and I will look at my relationship in a positive way. I have never "pressured" him about marriage, I "asked" him his intentions which I feel I had every right before moving in together. Some people dont believe in even moving in together before marriage. I do. I dont judge other, therefore dont believe I should be judge nor told "its only been 8 months, come on". every relationship is different. All I was asking is whether this "ring" could be an engagement ring being it is not a "diamond one. Thats all. The real question is, how are you going to interpret it IF he does get you a ring? even though it's not an engagement ring
Author EricaisHappy Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 I know! He knows I want to get married, and we've been talking about it. He told me he's working on it. And then he gets me a "ring". Not to sound selfish, I am WAY not. I love everything he does for me, but that would be cruel! lol
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