SableWolfAngel Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Basically, I have a loving and supportive boyfriend who would do anything in the world for me, but he's totally uninterested in a sexual relationship with me. We've been together just a little over 3 years now, but the sex is either painful or non-existent. He's outright told me that he's completely uninterested in sexual intercourse and that it's more work and effort than he's willing to give. He's just fine with oral sex, but once it gets to the real thing he's quick to shoo me away. It makes me feel horrid and confused. Is it me? Am I unattractive? Am I bad in bed? It could just be him, though. He's expressed to me that his mother used to make him feel piggish about men's sexual urges and that his past girlfriends never wanted to go all the way with him, but it's hurting our relationship and makes us both tense. We have plenty to bond over in our relationship, but I feel like having a good physical relationship will help us bond more. He talks about having children with me after we get married, but how can we make babies when we can't have proper intercourse? I need some advice!
mostlyclueless Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 You asked, he answered. He doesn't want to have sex. If you can live without it, keep doing what you're doing. If you can't, do yourselves a favor and get out.
Author SableWolfAngel Posted March 30, 2012 Author Posted March 30, 2012 You asked, he answered. He doesn't want to have sex. If you can live without it, keep doing what you're doing. If you can't, do yourselves a favor and get out. I'd like to think that maybe I can remedy the situation instead of just give up.
CarrieT Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 I'd like to think that maybe I can remedy the situation instead of just give up. It doesn't sound like it from what you have already posts. Are you bad in bed? Who knows - he certainly doesn't and does not seem to care if he learns or not. Painful? Why painful; for you or for him? Sex should not be painful so I gather he isn't doing it correctly and doesn't want to learn how. Is it you? Nope - it is wholly and entirely him. There ARE people who are not interested in sex and it seems you have fallen love with one of them. You said you have a loving boyfriend that will do anything in the world for you but this is obviously not the case. If he will not respond and satisfy you sexually, than the fact that he is uninterested should be an early sign in your relationship that things will not change. I'd say get out now while you can... Do not marry this man and don't think that having children (if he is capable) will change things. It won't.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Loving and supportive in what way? Many women have a tendency to perceive something for what it isn't...they interpret a man with integrity, responsibility and just general good values for a man who loves them when he may just be treating you according to his standard...maybe care for you and appreciate you but doesn't by any means indicate that he's still into you or even in love with you. It doesn't sound like he's into you anymore, seems like he's kinda settled into this relationship, he's comfortable and probably doesn't feel like he can do any better. That's more realistic to how men think. Also physical attraction may play a big part as well...are you overweight? are you insecure about your body? Think of the factors of why you're even together...Is it because it's convenient? It is just a given thing and you really don't have a relationship but you get together well enough so you consider that "good" and loving? Your assessment gives no explanation because it doesn't make any sense...If he loved you and would do anything in the whole wide world for you then why doesn't he want to be intimate with you? that doesn't add up or make any sense unless he was dealing with some kind of impotency factor, medical condition or stress. Yet as most women do they'll try to find some half answer that they want to believe then pretend to understand men better than they really do so that they can answer their own questions to THEIR satisfactory. I see it all the time on these forums. Bottom line: You need to talk to him and try and figure out If what is going on from his perspective If it has anything to do with the relationship...women always think because they're happy then the guy is happy as well, It's like they don't even need the mans opinion and confirmation to determine the satisfaction of the relationship, it's ridiculous. You have to figure out why he's pushing you away sexually, because he's probably doing it emotionally as well...I wouldn't pretend to know so much, IF you really want to know the answers you need to keep pushing a man until he gives in and spills the beans...I know women hate to hear the answers which is why they like pussy footing around so much but either accept some half-assed answer from these forums or ask the person in your relationship who actually has the answer.
Professor X Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 In other words, you and your BF are actually really good friends and that's about it. He sounds like he's either asexual or gay. Also, he's so called "explanations" are rather weak, or at least, not enough to explain why he isn't interested in sex.
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