blindesided Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Ok - Ok not the illegal kind.... I was just curious after reading so many people's posts and stories. Everyone seems to heal at a different pace & I understand that it has to do with a lot of factors - length of relationship, if there was abuse, ect... But the one thing we all have in common in the pain and anxiety and horrible hurt - I know exactly how everyone feels. My question is this - how do you know when to throw the towel in & go seek professional help & maybe even anti-anxiety or anti-depressants. I don't want to be a wuss aand take the easy way out & mask the pain with drugs but at some point this horrible feeling has to end. I feel like I am falling into a depression & that is scary (Now I will tell you in the grand scheme of things it has been a relatively short period of time for me - like a couple of weeks) I just dont want to be in this same place 6 mos from now - I just want my old-self back - there is a big part of me that wishes I never wouldve met my Ex - sometimes I would glady forget about all the good times and experiences(they are even painful to think of right now) if I would never have to feel this pain. Heck from what everyone says with NC I might not ever see or hear from him again - so his memory erased would be a blessing. So back to the question after getting off track a bit - how many of you turned to medical help to get over this. Did it help? Are you still on them? When did you decide enough was enough & was there a specific thing that decided it for you? Thanks
Itsonlyme66 Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 I started drinking about a year before he left because when he was here i was walking on eggshells with him, always afraid and waiting for the other shoe to drop. After he left (2 mo ago) I am still drinking though not quite as much now. it's a bedtime thing so i can sleep. once in awhile, if i can't sleep, i take a 1/2 xanax but not that often.
budley12 Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 i started taking melatonin almost every night to get some sleep. otherwise I cant sleep and feel even worse when going to class
fucpcg Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 One melatonin and one benadryl will do wonders for sleeping.
Nohbody Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 I think your whole framework is wrong here. It's not about throwing in the towel and seeking help. Seek help if you feel like you need it - you aren't weak. 2
fucpcg Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 You can go to therapy and NOT get drugs. And therapy is not something to be seen as being weak, it's about seeking help. Nothing wrong with that.
Million.to.1 Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 You shouldn't be so hard on yourself... You are not going to be this way in 6 months from now. 2 weeks is a small amount of time and you are still adjusting. It's is perfectly natural to feel the way you are and it is part of the process. The best thing you can do is physical activity. Endorphins make you feel good and the physical results will help with confidence and getting back into the game. I would recommend finding some natural supplements before going down the prescription road which could do more harm than good long term. There are heaps of great things that could help...5http, an array of sleeping aids, St johns wort, Valerian root for depression etc... go and speak to a natural health care professional before pfizer has you thinking you need a pill to be normal. 1
CopingGal Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Reading this just reminding me it is time to take my anti-depressants. Yes, I tried to go without them too. But I suffer from depression and anxiety. I need my medication.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 I took Lexapro. It was several months into this abusive relationship and I thought I was going crazy; questioning myself, believing the negative stuff he told me. I wasn't functioning anymore; I wasn't 'me', anymore. I talked to my Doctor and told her everything I was going through and she gave me a small dose of Lexapro. I was on it a few months and it took the edge off; I felt nothing. If he insulted me, it rolled off my back. If he started a fight--which I do believe he got off on==I wasn't responding. Out of the blue, I decided I didn't want to take the pill anymore. I had to wean=you cannot get off these things cold turkey and it was 2 weeks of sheer Hellish withdrawal. I cursed my ex every time I had my head in the toilet, each and every migraine had his name on it; I was angry. These pills pause the pain, but the pain replays when you get off it and it hit me like a ton of bricks;the pain was waiting for me. This type of pill does help you function, but there is numbness==no emotion; not even much laughter.The best thing to do is just face the pain because it is temporary. I am now officially indifferent to this man and I didn't need a pill to do it;) He used to ridicule me for taking it by the way and would start fights and insult/criticize me. I felt unaffected.He had the nerve to say "I miss our 'debates" and would get mad at me saying "is this the lexapro effect?"==i felt nothing until I came off them. When I took them, it wasn't like 'throwing in the towel"==I was at a place where I felt I wasn't functioning and needed something to get me moving again.It was a temporary patch==I still had to do all the work of healing. 1
Author blindesided Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 Thanks for the reponses - I didnt mean to imply that therapy was weak. I did go see a counselor for a bit when I was going through my divorce - I'm not sure I found the right one - all she did was listen & didnt offer that much insight - I think this board is my therapist right now - I feel I get better insight then I ever got. I was just thinking more on the medication avenue - I dont want to take a magic pill & have the pain erased - I think its just a band-aid on a gaping wound. But on the other hand - if I dont see progress within a reasonable time & am still feeling just as bad - it might be time to turn to some prescription help. I have tried melatonin - works sometimes but not always - at my very worst moments I have taken a 1/2 xanax - I dont have many left & dont want to become dependant on them - or run out & really feel I need one So for now I am facing the pain head on - even though at this point I would take a root canal with no novicaine over this pain
betterdeal Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 A band-aid is a useful thing for a gaping wound. If your car developed a chronic fault, you'd get someone's help in fixing it, probably an expert, which is how you can look at taking advice from a counsellor or doctor about your mental health. So rather than seeing it as a weakness, it's a strength to call on others to help you deal with a problem that isn't solving itself easily. It's okay to ask for help. As for medication, I was on Citalopram for six months and that helped me with severe depression. Dealing with the root causes of severe depression meant changing my ideas and thought processes. That had a much more profound effect, long term. I get the wish to experience your feelings (pain) and not hide from them, but that kind of thinking can create a vicious circle: you feel pain; you think, I deserve this; that gets you down; you feel more pain; rinse and repeat. Allowing yourself to feel pain for a period, and deciding, right, that's enough, time to move on and do the dishes / feel happy / nothing in particular / do something more interesting is a more healthy and self-satisfying way to feel and be, very basically put. Feelings are transitory. They come and go. We might try to hold on to, reinforce or maintain feelings like pain or regret in order to avoid getting into a situation where we get hurt again. Being miserable is a way to avoid being attractive and falling in love again, for instance. But you can choose to not fall in love and be attractive, be happy, be confident, be your self. The two do not have to go together. You can take your time. It's yours to take, after all. Saying all that, it isn't necessarily easy; sometimes it's monumentally hard, but if you want to climb the mountain, you take one step at a time, and you will get there. What do you want to feel? 1
Author blindesided Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 I want to feel happy again - back to the person I was before I met him. I was happy, confident, sexy, didnt mind being alone, was looking forward to my future - not fearful of it. Thats what I want back - I know a pill wont bring it back - but i am also aware that I could be sucked into the destructive thought pattern of being unhappy & in pain - thats where I was seeking opionions from others to gain their perspective on when enough was enough and they tried working through it or knew it was time to try another avenue. I know I am going to have good days & bad days & I can feel myself getting better each day - even if it one step forward and 2 steps back
betterdeal Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I like your goals! You're aiming for something achievable and enjoyable. That's a great start in what is a very interesting time in your life. This is a time of regrowth, reinvention, rediscovery. This is your time. Now that you've been through one of the most painful things in life - and survived - you're already monumentally closer to realising that goal of being happy, confident, sexy, enjoying your own company, engaging in life. You can always change your mind if you do try medication. If it doesn't seem to work for you, you can stop taking it and try something different. Exercise, sleep, diet, positive self-talk and good company were all vital for my reawakening. The medication was not as significant as starting yoga, eating better and talking to good friends and acquaintances, for instance, but it did help kick start things. Start with the positive self-talk: it's easy to do, free and you can start now: say out loud "I am gorgeous, I am intelligent, I am good, I am loved." and say things like that at least 5 times a day. Stick post-it notes up with positive messages on them around the house. It's silly, but it can make you smile, which is what it's all about. 3
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