zengirl Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Can two partners be committed without marriage? Theoretically, sure. Most people who get married were committed prior to the marriage and that's why they chose to go forward to such an extension of their commitment. I actually don't think it's a good idea to get married unless you are already very committed. However, I do think marriage itself deepens and seals the commitment, and I think any kind of marriage-avoidance should be looked at closely as commitment-avoidance. "Not getting married" isn't the same as avoiding marriage, of course. It really depends. I know some couples who simply don't believe in marriage -- most of them are refusing to marry until everyone has the right to marry (gay marriage basically) in every state, which will probably be a very long time, sadly, and maybe never. I totally see that viewpoint, and the couples chose it together. At least 2 of those couples are LT partners, have property together and finances co-mingled, and have drawn up wills and other documents giving them almost all the rights a spouse would have and contingencies for if they break up, much like you would in a pre or postnump agreement. So, I think if you do things like that, which most people only do in a marriage, you're probably equally as committed as a married couple. Additionally, some people have marriages with less commitment than others, though ALL marriage requires some commitment, as it's a legally binding agreement. The truth is though if you want to stay in a "dating" or "just living together" phase without escalated commitment, you are not as committed as those examples above, married or unmarried, and in most cases I think that's who asks those kind of questions -- those who truly don't want the commitment part of marriage, though it can be gotten outside of marriage. 1
Oxy Moronovich Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 i honestly believe that people who mumble the "marriage is just a piece of paper" line simply just don't wanna marry the person they are with. i've seen many guys dumping a girl they were with for 5+ years, then six months later they got married to a girl they just met. i believe that a man who says he doesnt want to marry just doesnt want to marry you; he doesn't see you as "the one". How is it possible to see many guys do this? You would have to keep track of a lot of relationships in order for this to be validated. I guess you go around cataloguing the relationships of everyone around you like some sort of snoop or census taker, huh? Divorce is a big thing that knaws on every man's mind. I'd say men are afraid of divorce way more than marriage. A guy has to think long and hard about who he is getting with these days. Sure, some guys get married real quick. But you're making it seem like men who dump their girlfriend of several years immediately marry a new girl they just met. That's idiotic to imply that. Besides, there are many women who are willing to stay in a committed relationship without marriage. I guess their opinion isn't important on this.
TaraMaiden Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 No, i am afraid i must concur... it's a common lament amongst women who were dumped "a year or so ago" after a long, steady and promising relationship. True to say, i cannot immediately bring any specific thread to mind, but it's not as uncommon as you might think.... But it's not in the least bit unheard of that a man meets a woman after dumping his ex- and ends up marrying her a relatively short space of time later.... Or he maintains he doesn't want a family - then happily makes his new GF pregnant...but admittedly, this is much rarer.....
Oxy Moronovich Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 No, i am afraid i must concur... it's a common lament amongst women who were dumped "a year or so ago" after a long, steady and promising relationship. True to say, i cannot immediately bring any specific thread to mind, but it's not as uncommon as you might think.... But it's not in the least bit unheard of that a man meets a woman after dumping his ex- and ends up marrying her a relatively short space of time later.... Or he maintains he doesn't want a family - then happily makes his new GF pregnant...but admittedly, this is much rarer..... I still don't believe you.
carhill Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 IMO, one does not 'need' to be married to be committed. Also, IMO, the 'ultimate' commitment in the familial sense, meaning with biological and/or adopted children, is to be married/committed until the death of a spouse/partner. In modern society, being socialized in such an environment and embracing a marriage-centric philosophy has proved to be a decided handicap, at least in my case. Perhaps it is time to re-think.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Case in point. The truth is that men actually view marriage in a more sentimental way than women do. For women at the bottom of it it mainly revolves around money whether they admit it or not. You're entitled to your opinion (even though it's sad), but you have no business declaring what is the "truth."
Oxy Moronovich Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 IMO, one does not 'need' to be married to be committed. Also, IMO, the 'ultimate' commitment in the familial sense, meaning with biological and/or adopted children, is to be married/committed until the death of a spouse/partner. In modern society, being socialized in such an environment and embracing a marriage-centric philosophy has proved to be a decided handicap, at least in my case. Perhaps it is time to re-think. This is the truth right here. I don't believe marriage is the ultimate committment. But if I did, I'd say the ultimate committment is to "stay married" not merely to "get married". So since divorce is on the rise, at least half of all married people in the U.S. have never done the ultimate committment. If my gf ever told me marriage was the ultimate committment, I'd say, "I'm only willing to believe that if you're willing to stay married to me no matter what. Otherwise, I do not believe you."
123321 Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 No, i am afraid i must concur... it's a common lament amongst women who were dumped "a year or so ago" after a long, steady and promising relationship. Yeah I can't understand it, but you are right a lot of women complain about that happening.
musemaj11 Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 You're entitled to your opinion (even though it's sad), but you have no business declaring what is the "truth." The truth is the truth. If I said the sky is blue, its still the truth whether people say I have no business in saying that or not. See - I think this is a male point of view rather than a female one. But I'm in my 30's, not my 20's and I think one's view on marriage changes after you've already been married once. It may be that some young women are looking for financial security in marriage, but at my age I often think that men fail to commit because they feel they haven't succeeded enough in their career or don't have enough money in the bank. Thats because society has taught men since they were young that they are just nothing but workhorses whose sole purpose in life is to have a family and work hard till the end of their lives so they can provide whatever their wives and children need. Some men such as myself have seen through this 'deceit'. But sadly most men have not.
TaraMaiden Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 The truth is the truth. If I said the sky is blue, its still the truth whether people say I have no business in saying that or not. Actually, the sky isn't blue. The sky is sometimes red, orange yellow mauve and purple... even sometimes nearly white. the sky has no colour. it's the way light behaves subject to the sun's rays....it's called the Raleigh effect. So, 'the sky is blue' - is not the truth. Just as your opinion, is also not "the Truth". For something to be true, it must be both indisputable, and universally accepted and beyond contradiction. It may be what you firmly believe - but it doesn't make it universally true. 1
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