mostlyclueless Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 I saw people on another forum express that if your boyfriend/girlfriend is unwilling to marry you, they aren't really committed to you, even if they say they want to be with you forever. Do you think that's true?
TaraMaiden Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 No. My partner and i were together 7 years before marrying - and we did so for financial security more than anything else.....
darkmoon Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 some say it's just a bit of paper, i say not and think someone is leaving thier options open, heard a marriage certificate described as legal document by an old woman and if it is just a bit of paper - what's the big deal about signing it? live-in if you want, but imho, you might one day wish you'd protected yourself legally if there's a chance he'll kick you out to destitution
Feelin Frisky Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 No. It's possible to be committed and devoted without saying so in front of a judge or w/e. Marriage is a legal partnership and generally a social convention for the families and community. But love and commitment are way deeper that contracts or public perceptions. 1
donnamaybe Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Agree. Commitment is in the heart and mind, not on a piece of paper. If the paper were that powerful there would be no cheating spouses. 1
turt Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 No, it doesn't do anything. There's always divorce... 1
Negative Nancy Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 i honestly believe that people who mumble the "marriage is just a piece of paper" line simply just don't wanna marry the person they are with. i've seen many guys dumping a girl they were with for 5+ years, then six months later they got married to a girl they just met. i believe that a man who says he doesnt want to marry just doesnt want to marry you; he doesn't see you as "the one". 8
poodle Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Absolutely not. Marriage is just a business contract, nothing more. I actually think that people who are together because they want to are more committed than those who are together out of fear of breaking a contract. 2
gotye Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 marriage to me is nice because it's like telling them you are so sure about each other you make it a legal thing 1
EricaisHappy Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 wait....thats what my bf said to me "its just a piece of paper" damn. I had my hopes up lately to. Thought he might of changed his mind.
january2011 Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 (edited) No, you don't need to be married to be committed to one another. However, if marriage is a life goal that is very important to one partner but not the other, then there must be a compromise that meets the needs of both partners. This will allow them both the space to reconcile their conflicting needs. Otherwise, there's going to be friction that might be enough to create deal-breaking doubt in the long-term viability of the relationship. You're incompatible. Edited March 31, 2012 by january2011
make me believe Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 To me it's not as much of a commitment if you aren't married. Does that mean it always works out, or that a couple can't have a successful, long-lived relationship without being married? No, of course not. But imo, marriage is the ultimate commitment and being together for x amount of years, combining finances, living together, etc, is NOT the same as being married. If marriage is important to somebody, I don't think they should settle for someone who says it's "just a piece of paper."
Jane2011 Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I myself don't need marriage to feel like a guy is committed to me. If he says and behaves like he's committed -- and I sense it is the truth -- I'm happy.
123321 Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I saw people on another forum express that if your boyfriend/girlfriend is unwilling to marry you, they aren't really committed to you, even if they say they want to be with you forever. Do you think that's true? People who are living together will often say that living together is the same commitment wise as marriage. Happily married people will almost never say the converse. Anyone without bias can clearly see that in our society, legal marriage is the final top rung on the commitment ladder, but that doesn't mean there is no level of commitment in other forms of long term relationships. While for any given couple marriage is the most committed it can get, there are surely unmarried couples who are more committed than other couples who have gotten married. A lot of the aversion to marriage is due to men fearing financial ruin at the whim of someone else, and this is a damn realistic fear. 6
Tayla Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Commitment itself- Be it to a passion one has or a friendship, or family responsibility is not contingent on a Legal form....its an internal compass to gauge . Marriage is for some a religious sacrament, for some its a partnership, for some its away out of a former situation, for some its an experience never to be repeated again. I personally see a correlation that Marriage requires a commitment but it also requires MANY other attributes, trust, honesty, congruency, genuine admiration-regard (Love),Independent thoughts. Yes Two ADULTS can be committed, Usually though the wife is the one to commit the hubby to a sanitarium (tongue in cheek humor)
threebyfate Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I saw people on another forum express that if your boyfriend/girlfriend is unwilling to marry you, they aren't really committed to you, even if they say they want to be with you forever. Do you think that's true?A lot of people say a lot of things, whether in or out of a marriage. But when someone refuses to commit to marriage, even though they believe in marriage, the writing's on the wall.
setsenia Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Of course you can be commited without getting married. However, I think it does show commitment to legally proclaim your love and be willing to be legally commited in the eyes of the law. Although many wedding traditions have a religious connotation, nothing makes me feel more committed and dedicated than showing it to the world.
musemaj11 Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Marriage is a commitment only to the party that brings more assets into the agreement. This is why in general women want to marry men with higher financial worth because that way the 'business deal' tips in their favor. 2
123321 Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I really don't see where legal marriage contracts serve any useful purpose nowadays.
TaraMaiden Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I think financially, and for the good of any offspring, later on....
musemaj11 Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 (edited) I think financially, and for the good of any offspring, later on.... Case in point. The truth is that men actually view marriage in a more sentimental way than women do. For women at the bottom of it it mainly revolves around money whether they admit it or not. Edited March 31, 2012 by musemaj11
irin Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 im gonna say something a little different to everyone maybe because i come from a culture where romantic relationships outside of marriage is not important and almost non-existent, and so is divorce therefore marriage is very powerful. so yes i wouldn't take a guy seriously if it was only dating, and there was no marriage intended.
waiting4u Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Case in point. The truth is that men actually view marriage in a more sentimental way than women do. For women at the bottom of it it mainly revolves around money whether they admit it or not. See - I think this is a male point of view rather than a female one. But I'm in my 30's, not my 20's and I think one's view on marriage changes after you've already been married once. It may be that some young women are looking for financial security in marriage, but at my age I often think that men fail to commit because they feel they haven't succeeded enough in their career or don't have enough money in the bank. Particularly in American culture, "I love you" is a huge deal for a man, and seems to bring with it a lot of baggage - including the expectation that you are one day going to get married. There's an expected trajectory of a relationship - meet, date, say I love you, move in together, get married, have children, live happily ever after. Once you've been divorced once, this trajectory is shaken up quite a bit. Because I have children, including a teenager, I'm not sure I would want to live with anyone soon. In my last relationship I was very insecure (mostly because he was a lying a**) and I recall that the fact that we were the only pair among our couple friends who did not either live together or were married was a huge point of insecurity (and made me rather disposable for him when it came time for him to replace me). I think a lot of times when people live together it is not necessary to get married unless they feel they need to for religious reasons. But there is a huge ABSENCE of commitment in the gap between dating (and not living together) and being married. Lol - I guess it commitment depends on how easy it is to get OUT of a relationship. But then again, this is probably my first go 'round dating with an actual self-esteem, so this is probably not true for everyone. I do know that I have my life mapped out in my head as a single person. I plan on moving to another state, for example, in a year or two - and changing jobs. I have not factored a partner into this plan. And while I'm recently in a semi-committed relationship, I doubt I would change that plan for someone else. Commitment is subjectively defined. I'm not sure you need a piece of paper.
waiting4u Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Plus when you get a divorce, you just get your shoes and walk. Lmao - oh, I wish. More like you get one of your shoelaces, the sliced up pieces of the soles of your shoes, and hop. Divorces involve attorneys and assets (and hiding assets so the other person can't take them), and custody battles, and nastiness, etc. that can last for years and years. My neighbor has been in a custody battle for the last SIX YEARS. One of the children is turning 18 soon. My sister has to pay a big chunk of alimony to her ex-husband because she is in a more lucrative field.
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