wwwjd Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 I'm seeking the professional psychology or diagnosis label for what I have termed "Splitting" which is the separation of different roles amongst various people. The quickest example I will post is one woman who has: 1 guy for providing 1 guy as friend activity partner 1 guy for sex. SPLITTING all her needs between 2 or more people. Is there a term or area that covers that? I'm trying to find more stuff explaining it. Thanks!
mostlyclueless Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 The technical term is being a normal human being.
marsha80 Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 I believe the widely accepted term is "single woman" or if they're married "unfaithful wife"
KathyM Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 The psychological definition of splitting is not what you have described. Splitting, in psychology, is a term used to describe behavior in people with Borderline Personality Disorder that refers to their tendency to see others in polarized terms--all good or all bad. People with this disorder tend to see their partner one day as being the greatest person, and then soon thereafter, over something trivial or benign, would view their partner as the worst person on earth. Splitting describes this black and white thinking and these shifts in opinion that people with this disorder experience. It has nothing to do with what you are describing. I don't think there's a psychological term for what you are talking about. Not that I know of, anyway. 1
january2011 Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 I would call it building a social/personal support network or differentiated need satisfaction behaviour. I don't think those are official clinical/social/counselling psychology terms though. You'd have to check out the latest version of the "Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM)" to see if there is an official term and/or accepted/standardised diagnosis for this behaviour.
Quiet Storm Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 In psychology, "splitting" is a term that is normally associated with Borderline Personality Disorder because it is a common defense mechanism that people with BPD use. It coincides with black & white thinking, and is when a person or thing is seen as all good or all bad. They don't see the actions of a person over a time as part of an integrated whole. They aren't able to have opposing thoughts about a person. They may view their loving, caring mother as a total B because of one simple disagreement. Or they may view a fine, upstanding man as being all bad because he watched porn. I think what you are describing is "compartmentalization". This is also a defense mechanism. It is often used when a person knows they are doing something wrong and has internal conflicts about it. For example, take a cheating husband. He may love his wife and family, but still has a need for variety and excitement with other women. He knows this is wrong, but separates those parts of his life in his mind so that he can do what he wants without feeling guilty or shameful about it. He will be happy husband and dad at home, and be fun, romantic boyfriend to his other woman. In order to avoid the guilt he would feel if these two parts of his life were integrated, he keeps them separate in his mind. In your example, it sounds as if maybe a woman has a husband for a provider, a male friend for emotional support and another man for sex. In this case, she would compartmentalize to avoid the guilt she may have for cheating on her husband, or the shame she would feel inside because her actions are in conflict with her values. For whatever reason, she is not having all of needs met by her husband, and instead of confronting that problem, she gets those needs met in other ways. Her husband may not even be aware she's unhappy, as she is probably acting content because all of her needs are being met. If the friend and the sex partner were to cut her off, she would be forced to confront the unmet needs in her marriage. Many people avoid conflict because it makes them very uncomfortable. It is easier for these people to cheat, or be sneaky, then it is for them to admit that there are problems and find healthy solutions.
KathyM Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 I would call it building a social/personal support network or differentiated need satisfaction behaviour. I don't think those are official clinical/social/counselling psychology terms though. You'd have to check out the latest version of the "Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM)" to see if there is an official term and/or accepted/standardised diagnosis for this behaviour. Well, I have that book and I just got done memorizing every diagnosis in it for a class I am taking. There is no disorder specifically for what the OP is describing. It could be a part of another disorder, such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder, where a person feels entitled to have whatever they want. A sense of entitlement is one diagnostic criteria for NPD, but there would have to be five total criteria or more that are met in order to diagnose NPD. I've posted on another thread the diagnostic criteria for NPD. It is: 1. Has a sense of entitlement. 2. Is envious of others and believes others are envious of him/her. 3. Believes they are special or unique and should only associate with others who are special or unique. 4. Shows arrogance or haughtiness in behavior or attitude. 5. Has a grandiose sense of his own accomplishments/talents/worth. 6. Is obsessed with thoughts of unlimited success, brilliance, beauty or ideal love. 7. Has a lack of empathy for others. 8. Is interpersonally exploitative. 9. Requires excessive admiration.
TaraMaiden Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 the closest i can get to is "Intimate role Allocation" or "Intimate Resource allocation."
Author wwwjd Posted March 30, 2012 Author Posted March 30, 2012 Thanks for the quick replies helping me correct my terminology misuse. That is what I want to fix. To me, splitting is just what I call it, but if there is a real way to phrase it, I'd like to learn what that is. In this particular case, perhaps there is some defensiveness going on in the background, but it really seems to amount to a selfish desire to get exactly what she desires and percieves as deserving, all other considerations aside. "I deserve THE BEST provider, THE BEST friend, THE BEST lover" reguarless of the option of trying to find all 3 in one person. Which, in MY particular segment of life and growth, is a more healthy, less heart painful thing to do: find all in one. But other people are different and I understand and respect their personal choices, even if they don't match my own. I'm enjoying the replies here immensely! Thanks again. I think "Compartmentalising" is the closest, but I wonder if there is a professional term for it? Or maybe something that descibes it more specificaly?
Author wwwjd Posted March 30, 2012 Author Posted March 30, 2012 Her husband may not even be aware she's unhappy, as she is probably acting content because all of her needs are being met. If the friend and the sex partner were to cut her off, she would be forced to confront the unmet needs in her marriage. In my scenario, the woman is living with a guy only for support, dating another guy, and wants me for the sex part, which I SHOULD be really happy about. :/ But, the bottom line is, I don't want to be a part of "Enabling a compartmentallizer" (I still like my word splitter better, even though I now understand why it doesn't fit right) so I am cutting her off and explaining why. Just want to make sure I phrase it correctly. She longs to get things straitened out in her life, and "compartmentalizing" is not a step in the right direction, I beleive, and I want no part of it. (even though I am a typical, healthy male which makes this a very tough decision) It's possible in her world and upbringing, everyone else is happy with the arangement, but I've never witnessed compartmentalizing ever actually working for any longer term, which she thinks she wants.
Author wwwjd Posted March 30, 2012 Author Posted March 30, 2012 "Intimate role Allocation" I like this. Seems the best descriptor I've seen about this sort of deal.
mostlyclueless Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 There is nothing wrong with what this person is doing. If you don't want to have sex with her, don't have sex with her. If you want to be her boyfriend, that is not going to happen.
KathyM Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Thanks for the quick replies helping me correct my terminology misuse. That is what I want to fix. To me, splitting is just what I call it, but if there is a real way to phrase it, I'd like to learn what that is. In this particular case, perhaps there is some defensiveness going on in the background, but it really seems to amount to a selfish desire to get exactly what she desires and percieves as deserving, all other considerations aside. "I deserve THE BEST provider, THE BEST friend, THE BEST lover" reguarless of the option of trying to find all 3 in one person. Which, in MY particular segment of life and growth, is a more healthy, less heart painful thing to do: find all in one. But other people are different and I understand and respect their personal choices, even if they don't match my own. I'm enjoying the replies here immensely! Thanks again. I think "Compartmentalising" is the closest, but I wonder if there is a professional term for it? Or maybe something that descibes it more specificaly? I'd call it a sense of entitlement--believing you are entitled to have whatever you want with whomever you want, which is a symptom of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
FitChick Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 It's possible in her world and upbringing, everyone else is happy with the arangement Is she from a different country? If it doesn't bother anyone else, then bow out.
Author wwwjd Posted March 30, 2012 Author Posted March 30, 2012 I don't want to touch on the right/wrong part because that could go on forever. Narcissistic Personality Disorder probably pegs it. She's broke but bought a nice looking, over priced car, ALWAYS complains about something at restraunts - usually 5 or 6 things are not right in one evening... got a fancy new phone etc etc etc I'll look at NPD more. Me saying she wants "THE BEST" is mostly my perspective of GUESSING why someone would end up doing this compartmenalizing. I want great things for myself too but will not compartmentalize at the expense of others to get it. Thanks again for all the great feedback!
Author wwwjd Posted March 30, 2012 Author Posted March 30, 2012 Is she from a different country? If it doesn't bother anyone else, then bow out. We are both American. I am bowing out. But she knows me and will wonder about the explaination of WHY I would pass on such a "sweet deal"
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