Dumping Someone for Getting Too Fat

[joystickd]

If a woman gained weight due to laziness then I would say you have to change your habits or I would dump you. If it was due to her having my kids or health issues then she gets a pass. If I got fat due to laziness I would expect her to say the same to me.

[johan]

I've found there is a bit of a cost benefit decision at work that actually causes naturally fit people to put more effort into their fitness and overall style that people who are not.

 

This statement, "she's hot because she works out" is actually true a lot less than people think. The more true statement is, "she works out because she's hot."

 

There are some women who just won't ever have Angelina's body, no matter what they do. The rewards of going to the gym are much lower for them. They have to want to workout for the health benefits alone, which is far less rewarding although more important. Even if they were to slim down, a hot woman isn't hiding underneath there.

 

On the other hand, some people would have pretty nice figures regardless, and going to the gym is really rewarding for them, because looking in the mirror is a pleasure and the effects of all the work they put in are obvious.

[verhrzn]

I've found there is a bit of a cost benefit decision at work that actually causes naturally fit people to put more effort into their fitness and overall style that people who are not.

 

This statement, "she's hot because she works out" is actually true a lot less than people think. The more true statement is, "she works out because she's hot."

 

There are some women who just won't ever have Angelina's body, no matter what they do. The rewards of going to the gym are much lower for them. They have to want to workout for the health benefits alone, which is far less rewarding although more important. Even if they were to slim down, a hot woman isn't hiding underneath there.

 

On the other hand, some people would have pretty nice figures regardless, and going to the gym is really rewarding for them, because looking in the mirror is a pleasure and the effects of all the work they put in are obvious.

 

This is a brilliant take that I've never thought of before and makes a lot of sense. Bravo.

[dasein]

There are some women who just won't ever have Angelina's body, no matter what they do.

 

And there is a vast space between "Angelina's body" and the average fit body that will be found objectively attractive. Only a tiny minority of people are so genetically disfavored that they can't reshape their bodies drastically through exercise and lifestyle choices.

 

I agree that positive feedback snowballs, but disagree that the starting point determines to what extent it will snowball in an individual. Most of the naturally good looking women I've known also tend to have the most severe body insecurities. Most anorexics and bulimics I've known started out genetically blessed. Have rarely heard of or seen anorexics, bulimics who started out with unfortunate genetics. Angelina, chronically anorexic, is one example of this, interesting you use an anorexic heroin addict as an example.

[johan]

I'm not as sure about that as I used to be. I go to the gym every day, and I people watch a lot. It seems like it's the fittest and best looking people who are working the hardest. I know that seems like a bit of a "duh" statement. "Yeah, they look great because they put so much more effort into it."

 

But there is a chicken/egg aspect to it. I think it's more likely that they put so much more into it because even from the start they suffered so much less doing it. It's a natural talent they discovered that made them feel good about themselves.

 

When I think about all the people I've known, those people who were pretty fit, strong and athletic naturally we're the ones most likely to adopt a healthy lifestyle. The people who didn't have that natural athleticism were the most miserable when working out and the most likely to avoid it.

 

Drastic transformations are possible, but they are obviously rare. And they seem to happen most among people who are actually physically gifted but just let themselves go for a long time.

[KR10N]

I googled it to see how often it happens... seems like women are in an uproar

 

I think it depends on the length of the relationship and reason for the weight gain... but if fitness was something you two shared as commonalities, that isn't fair

Agreed. If my s/o were to put on more than a few pounds, I would do my best to help them reach their previous weight. That is if they wanted help. If the weight gain was due to some kind of emotional problems (depression, etc.) I could imagine it would be even harder. And if you can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped and only pushes you away, I could understand why one would end the relationship.

[KR10N]

I'm not as sure about that as I used to be. I go to the gym every day, and I people watch a lot. It seems like it's the fittest and best looking people who are working the hardest. I know that seems like a bit of a "duh" statement. "Yeah, they look great because they put so much more effort into it."

 

But there is a chicken/egg aspect to it. I think it's more likely that they put so much more into it because even from the start they suffered so much less doing it. It's a natural talent they discovered that made them feel good about themselves.

 

When I think about all the people I've known, those people who were pretty fit, strong and athletic naturally we're the ones most likely to adopt a healthy lifestyle. The people who didn't have that natural athleticism were the most miserable when working out and the most likely to avoid it.

 

Drastic transformations are possible, but they are obviously rare. And they seem to happen most among people who are actually physically gifted but just let themselves go for a long time.

What gym do you go to? Anytime I go to a gym it's always middle aged people who have a little weight on them pushing themselves hard. All the fit, or slim people just mope around. I'm not even kidding. Maybe one or two will work out hard but there's always a lot of people in their 20s just walking around the gym.

[johan]

Maybe it's the area where I live.

 

But also I'm speaking from decades of experience. I've never seen a fat person get involved in a sport or a healthy routine and follow through to become a fit competitor. The only people I've ever seen do it were the ones who seemed naturally predisposed to do it. Essentially those who already had the body for it.

[mesmerized]

Maybe it's the area where I live.

 

But also I'm speaking from decades of experience. I've never seen a fat person get involved in a sport or a healthy routine and follow through to become a fit competitor. The only people I've ever seen do it were the ones who seemed naturally predisposed to do it. Essentially those who already had the body for it.

 

 

There was a girl in our gymnastic class that was better than all of us by far. She also did rock climbing and other sports. Look-wise she looked chubby...So it's possible to be in a good shape but not look it.

[KR10N]

There was a girl in our gymnastic class that was better than all of us by far. She also did rock climbing and other sports. Look-wise she looked chubby...So it's possible to be in a good shape but not look it.

Exactly. When I played basketball there were twins on my team, both majorly overweight, and they were better at basketball than me. Oh, and they could both do the splits.

[johan]

We can all come up with exceptions. But those are obviously not the rule.

[spookie]

V -

 

The reason that I personally don't buy your claim that you are is a physical law-defying freak of nature, is that just a few weeks ago, you posted your lifting stats- which were neither impressive, nor internally-consistent, and mentioned being afraid to lift harder, because you did have proper form.

 

Therefore, I don't believe that u have been trying all that hard to lose fat, or have exhausted all good advice. It takes a lot longer than a few months of half-assed lifting to get a great body, but hey, if u wanna be a quitter, I think your posts are entertaining, so go right ahead.

[verhrzn]

V -

 

The reason that I personally don't buy your claim that you are is a physical law-defying freak of nature, is that just a few weeks ago, you posted your lifting stats- which were neither impressive, nor internally-consistent, and mentioned being afraid to lift harder, because you did have proper form.

 

Therefore, I don't believe that u have been trying all that hard to lose fat, or have exhausted all good advice. It takes a lot longer than a few months of half-assed lifting to get a great body, but hey, if u wanna be a quitter, I think your posts are entertaining, so go right ahead.

 

Lifting lower weights with good form is far more beneficial than lifting heavy weights with bad form. What trainer, in any gym, would recommend lifting heavier weights with bad form?? Talk about a fast way to injure yourself. If you can't lift the weights with proper form, you shouldn't be lifting that weight, period.

 

My numbers aren't impressive. That isn't the point. The point was if I'm building in strength. If I go to failure (which I do) each time, and I go to failure with higher reps on the same weight/heavier weight, then I am gaining strength. Would you argue with this logical conclusion?

[spookie]

Lifting lower weights with good form is far more beneficial than lifting heavy weights with bad form. What trainer, in any gym, would recommend lifting heavier weights with bad form?? Talk about a fast way to injure yourself. If you can't lift the weights with proper form, you shouldn't be lifting that weight, period.

 

My numbers aren't impressive. That isn't the point. The point was if I'm building in strength. If I go to failure (which I do) each time, and I go to failure with higher reps on the same weight/heavier weight, then I am gaining strength. Would you argue with this logical conclusion?

 

 

I wasn't recommending you lift heavy with bad form. I was simply pointing out that your internally inconsistent stats indicate you are still a beginner. That is fine, we all start somewhere and it's important to master good form before moving on to heavy weight. But my point is that it takes a while to see results, and your 50lb leg press (or whatever it was) indicates either a complete lack of muscle mass in your legs or awful form if u are really going to failure; or half-assed lifting. Either way, it takes a while to see results with an honest effort, and you're just starting out.

 

You really ought to check out bodybuilding forums as kaylan is always saying.

[verhrzn]

I wasn't recommending you lift heavy with bad form. I was simply pointing out that your internally inconsistent stats indicate you are still a beginner. That is fine, we all start somewhere and it's important to master good form before moving on to heavy weight. But my point is that it takes a while to see results, and your 50lb leg press (or whatever it was) indicates either a complete lack of muscle mass in your legs or awful form if u are really going to failure; or half-assed lifting. Either way, it takes a while to see results with an honest effort, and you're just starting out.

 

You really ought to check out bodybuilding forums as kaylan is always saying.

 

Yeah, it takes a while to see results; except I've been tracking for four months and seen my body fat percentage go UP. Perhaps my stats are inconsistent because I don't, ya know, post them here in any consistent fashion. I am already on a fitness website; body building forums are pretty useless for females.

 

But, please, continue to give out advice. I'm sure you know more than all of the doctors and trainers who have worked with me. It's so much easier to call me a liar and an idiot than to admit, hey, maybe there is something to this whole concept that some people really can't lose weight.

[spookie]

Body building forums are useless for females why? FYI I am a girl.

 

Can u explain how u are managing to gain strength while losing muscle (gainin fat)? That's pretty amazing.

[verhrzn]

Body building forums are useless for females why? FYI I am a girl.

 

Can u explain how u are managing to gain strength while losing muscle (gainin fat)? That's pretty amazing.

 

Ya got me. Everybody that has worked with me is baffled.

 

I find them personally worthless because they are dominated by men, who aren't used to working with women's biological differences. The fact that women don't build muscle as fast, don't bulk up, etc. The few times I've tried to post in those kinds of forums, I've just been told to "do more cardio" because "bulky women are gross."

[lso802]

There are very, very few people who are overweight due to genetics. If you're one them, then that sucks. Sure. There are plenty of chubby girls doing sports but most likely, their diet isn't all that great.

[verhrzn]

There are very, very few people who are overweight due to genetics. If you're one them, then that sucks. Sure. There are plenty of chubby girls doing sports but most likely, their diet isn't all that great.

 

How can you possibly make such a statement? You have no idea what their diet is like. You're making an assumption based on absolutely no data.

 

I know plenty of thin people who eat absolute junk and never exercise. If people can be naturally thin, then why can't people be naturally heavy?

[Oxy Moronovich]

How can you possibly make such a statement? You have no idea what their diet is like. You're making an assumption based on absolutely no data.

 

I know plenty of thin people who eat absolute junk and never exercise. If people can be naturally thin, then why can't people be naturally heavy?

If you're naturally heavy. Then naturally you should work out so you can become thin. Either that or spend your time on dating forums whining about how life is more unfair for you than everyone else.

[verhrzn]

If you're naturally heavy. Then naturally you should work out so you can become thin. Either that or spend your time on dating forums whining about how life is more unfair for you than everyone else.

 

Do I really have to re-post everything I've already said in this thread? The only way I'm getting thin, is through starvation and constant maintenance for the rest of my life. I mean, I already spend 50% of my free time towards health (cooking meals, working out.) I should have no other life except weight loss, right?

 

Now, apparently it's a-ok to starve myself and dedicate my time to nothing BUT fitness, to meet the BS body standards of the males (and some females!) of this board, but ya know what, I feel like living, and living a life where I'm not constantly tied to either the stove or a Stairmaster.

[spookie]

Meh.

 

1. Four months is not that long for someone who is already in good shape to see much change.

 

2. Bb has a women's section that is quite good. Many of the women are undergoing transformations, and I have never seen anyone respond with the type of comment you posted. But if u prefer To believe otherwise, more power to ya

[mesmerized]

Do I really have to re-post everything I've already said in this thread? The only way I'm getting thin, is through starvation and constant maintenance for the rest of my life. I mean, I already spend 50% of my free time towards health (cooking meals, working out.) I should have no other life except weight loss, right?

 

Now, apparently it's a-ok to starve myself and dedicate my time to nothing BUT fitness, to meet the BS body standards of the males (and some females!) of this board, but ya know what, I feel like living, and living a life where I'm not constantly tied to either the stove or a Stairmaster.

 

I think you should post a picture. I can't image you really being "fat".

[spookie]

I think you should post a picture. I can't image you really being "fat".

 

She's not

[tman666]

What I keep wondering, Verhrzn, is why doctors and/or fitness professionals haven't been able to help you find something that works for you. You mentioned earlier that you blog on a website full of well qualified trainers. Mind letting us know what website that is? I'd be interested to know what kind of advice they're giving you. I'm interested to see the exact reasons why they are baffled by your apparent lack of progress.