gotye Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 I googled it to see how often it happens... seems like women are in an uproar I think it depends on the length of the relationship and reason for the weight gain... but if fitness was something you two shared as commonalities, that isn't fair
Mantis Toboggan Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 If you lose the attraction, then you have to lose the relationship. Well, you don't HAVE to.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Should a woman date a man that starts earning less? 1
TheBigQuestion Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Should a woman date a man that starts earning less? If the amount of money the guy made was a big part of the lifestyle they lived as a couple, then I don't see why the woman couldn't dump the guy for taking on a less lucrative job.
january2011 Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 It is very difficult (though not impossible) to maintain a relationship when the attraction dies. If you do not meet each other's personal needs in other ways then it is even harder. It seems callous to make break-up decisions based on how someone looks because in some respects we are encouraged not to be so shallow and superficial. However, sometimes, changes in appearance that might be regarded negatively could be manifestations of internal conflicts that need addressing. These would compound the situation, especially if both parties, and in particular the party who has changed, are unaware or refuse to acknowledge their existence. It makes me sad to post along these lines but I think that I'm trying to acknowledge that physical appearance plays a bigger part than I would ideally like. Sad but true, if you will. 5
xxoo Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 It also depends on how the changes are related to overall personality changes. If my active, energetic fun partner turned into a lazy couch potato, that might affect my attraction more than the accompanying weight gain. 3
Oxy Moronovich Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 A person gaining significant weight signifies an overall unhappiness and not caring about their looks. That's different than a person who loses a job and finds himself making less. The man who makes less can still be happy and strive to achieve. I know people who went to a job that earned them less but were much happier and much more sociable than when they earned more. I have yet to meet a person that gained significant weight and were much happier. 2
Feelsgoodman Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Should a woman date a man that starts earning less? If she's dating him for the money, yes. 2
verhrzn Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 If she's dating him for the money, yes. So when a guy dumps a woman for getting fat, it's because he was dating her just for her looks, is what you're saying. 1
Feelsgoodman Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 So when a guy dumps a woman for getting fat, it's because he was dating her just for her looks, is what you're saying. Looks are a big part of it, of course. Who wants to date a woman he doesn't find physically attractive? 1
verhrzn Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Looks are a big part of it, of course. Who wants to date a woman he doesn't find physically attractive? Oh cause I thought guys cared about personality, and that beauty is subjective so weight isn't a big deal... But I thought that was always BS, so it's nice to confirm it. 1
xxoo Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Oh cause I thought guys cared about personality, and that beauty is subjective so weight isn't a big deal... But I thought that was always BS, so it's nice to confirm it. Not all guys are the same, just like not all girls are the same. It is no secret that some people are only dating for looks, or for money. But that is not usually the case in serious, loving relationships. 1
Feelsgoodman Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Oh cause I thought guys cared about personality, and that beauty is subjective so weight isn't a big deal... But I thought that was always BS, so it's nice to confirm it. You are right, it is BS. Personality is important, sure...and beauty is subjective to some extent, sure. But there are also objective physical characteristics that most men find attractive/unattractive. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar.
shayla Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 If I'm just letting it go and don't care, okay. If I'm fat because I just had your child, soooo not okay. Alot of the men I find to be so worried about the weight of his woman is using her for the ego boost he gets when they are out in public, the "how did he get her???" from his friends, that sort of thing. Got no time for that foolishness, especially at my age.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Oh cause I thought guys cared about personality, and that beauty is subjective so weight isn't a big deal... But I thought that was always BS, so it's nice to confirm it. men and women date people because they as the package as they are. If that changes, then the attraction is in jeopardy. If a man likes the way his woman looks, and she changes that, part of his attraction wanes. Same as if his woman stays good looking, but she develops issues that turn her into a severe drug addict. Looks are still there, but he cant stand dealing with her, it can go either way. Looks and personality are 2 main parts of the package, if one of them changes, the relationship could suffer because of it.
Oxy Moronovich Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 If I'm just letting it go and don't care, okay. If I'm fat because I just had your child, soooo not okay. Alot of the men I find to be so worried about the weight of his woman is using her for the ego boost he gets when they are out in public, the "how did he get her???" from his friends, that sort of thing. Got no time for that foolishness, especially at my age. When does the "I'm fat becuse I had your child" reasoning become a lame excuse? There are many, many women who put on little to no weight during or after pregnancy. I know a woman who had triplets a few years ago and now weighs less today than she did prior to pregnancy. I think the "I'm fat because I just had your kid" excuse should be okay for a while. But if it's over a year later and she's still significantly overweight, it's reasonable for men to feel uneasy.
Oxy Moronovich Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 If I'm just letting it go and don't care, okay. If I'm fat because I just had your child, soooo not okay. Alot of the men I find to be so worried about the weight of his woman is using her for the ego boost he gets when they are out in public, the "how did he get her???" from his friends, that sort of thing. Got no time for that foolishness, especially at my age. I also wanna comment on the bolded part. So you wouldn't wanna be so attractive men envy your guy and dream of having a woman as gorgeous as you? Wow. You sure are an oddball.
xxoo Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 When does the "I'm fat becuse I had your child" reasoning become a lame excuse? There are many, many women who put on little to no weight during or after pregnancy. I know a woman who had triplets a few years ago and now weighs less today than she did prior to pregnancy. I think the "I'm fat because I just had your kid" excuse should be okay for a while. But if it's over a year later and she's still significantly overweight, it's reasonable for men to feel uneasy. If it took 9 months to gain, you should expect at least 9 months to lose. Add in issues of drastically changed lifestyle (little sleep, less time to cook healthy meals, possibly less time to work out), and adjust accordingly.
turt Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Oh cause I thought guys cared about personality, and that beauty is subjective so weight isn't a big deal... But I thought that was always BS, so it's nice to confirm it. Well, most care about both. Some are attracted higher weight - some aren't.
phineas Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 A few extra pounds is no problem. But when she's buying a whole new wardrobe....problem. Also, most skinny women have options they wouldn't even date an overweight guy so really how is dumping them because they got fat any different? It's playing by their rules.
AIDsFan1488 Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 So when a guy dumps a woman for getting fat, it's because he was dating her just for her looks, is what you're saying. That's usually the only thing women have to offer as partners.
Professor X Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Oh cause I thought guys cared about personality, and that beauty is subjective so weight isn't a big deal... But I thought that was always BS, so it's nice to confirm it. Yeah, cause Feelsgoodman is the voice of ALL OF US HUMANS! ALL HAIL Feelsgoodman! Hail! 1
make me believe Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 A few extra pounds is no problem. But when she's buying a whole new wardrobe....problem. Yeah. I agree with this distinction. If my H gains 10-15 lbs, he won't have to buy new clothes, and I'll most likely notice the extra pounds, but it wouldn't be a huge issue. I would encourage him to try to lose it though, because I wouldn't want the weight gain to start increasing more & more. I have no problem saying that I would be less attracted to him if he gained a bunch of weight. Also, most skinny women have options they wouldn't even date an overweight guy so really how is dumping them because they got fat any different? This is a good point! I hate it when people get into a relationship and think that looks should no longer matter. Your looks are a large part of what attracted your mate, and to think that he/she shouldn't care and should just love you for what's on the inside now that you've made a commitment is ridiculous. Physical attraction is important in relationships. And if he wouldn't be attracted to your body if you were both single, you can't expect him to be attracted to it just because you're now a couple. Alot of the men I find to be so worried about the weight of his woman is using her for the ego boost he gets when they are out in public, the "how did he get her???" from his friends, that sort of thing. Got no time for that foolishness, especially at my age. Really? I love it when I know my H is proud of how I look and getting a bit of an ego boost from it. He isn't obnoxious about it or trying to put me on display or anything, but his friends sometimes compliment me and tell him that he's lucky (and yes, he's gotten the "how did you get her??" question), and I know that makes him feel good. Hell, it makes me feel good too! And I like showing off my hot hubby as well!
phineas Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Yeah. I agree with this distinction. If my H gains 10-15 lbs, he won't have to buy new clothes, and I'll most likely notice the extra pounds, but it wouldn't be a huge issue. I would encourage him to try to lose it though, because I wouldn't want the weight gain to start increasing more & more. I have no problem saying that I would be less attracted to him if he gained a bunch of weight. This is a good point! I hate it when people get into a relationship and think that looks should no longer matter. Your looks are a large part of what attracted your mate, and to think that he/she shouldn't care and should just love you for what's on the inside now that you've made a commitment is ridiculous. Physical attraction is important in relationships. And if he wouldn't be attracted to your body if you were both single, you can't expect him to be attracted to it just because you're now a couple. Another point, i'm 40. I've lost 100lbs. I literally felt like crap. I had health problems, shortness of breath, creaking joints, always sick, always sweating from every day activities and I was shaped like the pillsberry dough boy. In fact I really didn't feel healthy until I got under 180lbs.(5'8") I was around 165 at my leanest. On my first bulk I got close to 180lbs and started to feel "off" i'm down to about 174 & plan on hitting 160 by summer. I can run. Last summer mid to high 90's temps I was the only guy on vacation NOT a big ball of sweat. LOL! I do not expect to find a woman in my age range as lean as me but if she's carrying 20+ extra lbs of fat I start wondering how her health is and if she can ride, walk, hike ect. with me. also, many women that friendzoned me when I was fat all of sudden wanted to "catch up" when they saw I was lean & in shape. Coincidence? Really? I love it when I know my H is proud of how I look and getting a bit of an ego boost from it. He isn't obnoxious about it or trying to put me on display or anything, but his friends sometimes compliment me and tell him that he's lucky (and yes, he's gotten the "how did you get her??" question), and I know that makes him feel good. Hell, it makes me feel good too! And I like showing off my hot hubby as well! Yep. We all want someone we can be proud of in one way or another.
phineas Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Yeah, cause Feelsgoodman is the voice of ALL OF US HUMANS! ALL HAIL Feelsgoodman! Hail! C'mon, he can't help it if she takes his opinion as law.
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