Numb79 Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 It has been over 2 months of NC. A 5 yr LDR ended late Jan. and I don't even know if I have made any progress. I still think about the person. I can't help it!! I want it to stop. The mornings are always the worse for me. Its like the vicious cycle of thoughts start all over again. I know that I need to keep myself busy.... but I can't!! I shattered my heel last month and now I am just stuck laying around. I can't keep my mind occupied with anything! I read some of these posts on this site and to be honest, some of them actually scare me! I don't want to feel this way months or yrs down the road. Everyone says that it will get better.... but when? I need to know that I am heading in the right direction..... but I don't even know. I just feel as if I am stuck living the same day over and over again. There are times that I just want these thoughts to end.... I don't even care how it ends.... its just needs to end! At this point.... being 32 yrs old makes me think that I won't ever get married and have a family of my own. Even if I did.... this experience has completely scared me. I don't want to go through this when I am in my 40's or 50's!! People say relationships are a risk.... I don't even know if I would ever take this type of risk again. I am so lost right now!!
Philosoraptor Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 It seems that you've still been putting too much focus on the ex and not enough focus on yourself. Don't worry about the future holds right now, learn to live in the moment. Live each moment like it will be your last. Would you really want to spend your last moment alive being unhappy and caught in the past? A meteor could come streaming by and blow your head off before you even knew it was there. So smell that flower, stop by the park and get on the swings to relive a bit of childhood... just make your life the one you want to live. No one is guranteed to be in our lives forever, but we always have ourself. And that's who you need to learn to treat the best and who deserves to be on that pedestal. 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 It seems that you've still been putting too much focus on the ex and not enough focus on yourself. Don't worry about the future holds right now, learn to live in the moment. Live each moment like it will be your last. Would you really want to spend your last moment alive being unhappy and caught in the past? A meteor could come streaming by and blow your head off before you even knew it was there. So smell that flower, stop by the park and get on the swings to relive a bit of childhood... just make your life the one you want to live. No one is guranteed to be in our lives forever, but we always have ourself. And that's who you need to learn to treat the best and who deserves to be on that pedestal. Agreed; there is something about people coming into our lives for a season, a reason and a lifetime. Dear Philo has given me this advice too and it is sooooo very true. Be for YOU, not for your ex. Do things for you, make it about you, because this is your journey and your ex has no place on it. I bought a bunch of new Wallflower scents from Bath and Body Works, for example. A new scent will pick up your senses. Get in the garden if you can. 2 months is nothing to sneeze at! You are doing great; you can't not think of this person from time to time, but please, trust me when I say do not dwell on him or the situation. And don't worry about the clock ticking. you are just 32; thnk about all the wonderful possibilities ahead of you. You can do this. You are doing fine.
Author Numb79 Posted March 30, 2012 Author Posted March 30, 2012 I just wish there was a fast forward button to all of this. I just would like to have some tangible proof to know that I am heading in the right direction. Emotionally exhausted from the vicious cycle of thoughts.
Nohbody Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 There is tangible proof that you are getting better, you just can't see it yet. Unfortunately, you have to spend some time away before you can benefit from hindsight - but trust me - every day you are getting better. It requires an act of will to not sink into the mire. Grit your teeth and keep moving, you are going in the right direction. 1
Itsonlyme66 Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 According to the breaking up article, I could feel this way for 3 years. When I'm 80 (if I live that long) I'll bet I will wish I had those 3 years back to enjoy! That's what I'm focusing on. but it's sooo hard. I miss him, as wonderful and horrible as he was.
blindesided Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 I just wish there was a fast forward button to all of this. I just would like to have some tangible proof to know that I am heading in the right direction. Emotionally exhausted from the vicious cycle of thoughts. I know exactly how you feel - I wish you could just snap your fingers and be free of the pain. I have to believe we all will be stronger people from these experiences. I too have the same fears as you do about new realtionships. For me - it puts my siutation into perspective that some of the posters have been through hell in their relationships - mine wasnt guite so dramatic. But then I have the same fears of getting involved again & open myself up in my 40's or 50's (age doesnt really matter) but I certainly dont want to ever feel this pain again - then again I dont want to live my life alone forever. I liken it to childbirth - the pain right then is unbearable - but later you forget all about it & then even go through it again! Love seems similar
leannesagoodman Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 I think everybody wishes there was some kind of fast-forward button out of this in-between; unfortunately though there isn't, so the best we can do is try to make it as positive an experience as possible. It takes varying amounts of time for everyone to eventually feel okay again. Like I am in no way over my ex at all. I'm really far from being. But now, after some contact from her last night (which as horrible as it was did help me to have a wake up call about exactly what kind of a person I've become), I know I've got to go on a road of self-improvement. And that's not because she's told me to do that; that's because I took a proper look in the mirror and I didn't like what I saw. This experience has been horrendous for me, and it's nearly broke me, but I'm still here and I've realised that the best I can do now, when I'm finally getting a bit stronger, is to become a better person out of it. That way all of this won't be for nothing, and I'll hopefully never hurt someone the way I hurt her again. I won't make the same mistakes. I'd say though that during this period of time it's best to just let your feelings out. Don't let them get the better of you, but let any negative feelings out so they don't build up to bite you later. Doing this will speed up the healing process. Keeping things back won't help. Like I started trying to tell myself that I was ready to move on about a month before I was actually able to, and it all worked against me and if anything made everything worse. But eventually - and this is just something that comes with time - things started to hurt less. Now I know that I'm ready to make myself into a better person from this. So while that fast-forward would be something we all greatly appreciate, it's the absence of it that will eventually heal you. It will happen, I promise. You've got through this far, and that means that you're strong, even when it hurts. I can tell you now - even if at times it does get bad, overall it only gets better from here.
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