Lu17 Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 I've been in a LDR since March last year, we met through work then he left the job in july which then actually made the relationship long distance. I then saw him 2 months - September and December as I took that time off work.. He didn't have a new job and although things were always good up until nov we then hit a bad time - he was stressed with the job situation -looking for work and i felt as if he didn't really care so December wasn't great, but we then carried on and was in regular communication through to mid Jan. He got a new job end of Dec and was very busy, again i felt pushed to the back of his mind. We then started to drift apart, he wouldn't have the time off work for me to travel out (10hrs) to see him so says our lives were heading in different paths right now. I always thought for now the distance doesn't matter, its a temporary thing rather than end our relationship over. I then started to get upset, doing the usual emails, texts i.e, i can't stay in touch then i have to hear from him. I've gone back and forth so much. i got mad if i text and don't hear back within a few hrs. All completely the wrong thing to do i know. (this went on through mid Feb & march. sometimes we'd chat on Skype IM or text as normal). I guess I feel so annoyed at the way things have ended, i feel like I've never had proper reasoning from him. He was always the one telling me not to worry about the distance, we'll make it work. I read someone else's post before saying how much they felt for the guy. How they have never thought to the future before and can see family life with this person. Thats exactly how i felt. I find it hard that the distance is so big that we'd never just meet for coffee and its less likely we'll ever get back together. I'm now finding it so hard to get him out of my head. I know it takes time & the last contact we had was a chat on IM a couple of nights ago. He'll chat to me as normal even after all of my silliness because he's a nice guy & i know his reasoning what he says is what he means, there isn't a new girl. I'm now trying to start NC and be unavailable/offline on Skype. I tried to make him realise it was the wrong thing to do with my mails etc and i realise he needs to figure this out for himself. I guess i'm just asking for ideas/thoughts to keep up my NC unless he contacts me and how to keep myself from obsessing about him. I so desperately want him to start to miss me which I think he will do (if i can manage NC), but he's a stubborn guy and has had past bad relationship history so rather than admit to himself that he misses me he'd keep it bottled up and just think it didn't work out. Any advice? I've been reading all the online - text your ex back- Ashley Kay's Ex recovery system but nothing is really helping.
JoeyArnold Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Depends on how patience you are, how long you can wait for him.
Author Lu17 Posted March 30, 2012 Author Posted March 30, 2012 Sounds stupid but i feel like i'd wait forever! i'm from UK, he's American and I honestly would have given up everything to move there with him (I've never told him that, but he probably had an idea I would). The thing is I think we're different, in that I don't date a lot of guys it takes a lot for me to feel into it as to speak, he's a bit different that I feel he might move on quicker. Its the panic isn't it that he is going to move on quicker?? ok, so day 2 of NC. Going to try and go a full week.
cerridwen Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 My concern, Lu, is that you're using NC as a tactic to get him back rather than using it to truly let go. Given that, of course you feel panicked at the idea of him moving on. But that is the idea. You've broken up. His life is his own and yours is separate to make of it what you will. Grasping and truly understanding that might be painful, but it may also help. He didn't put in much effort and in a LDR, that's the death knell. You weren't happy. You felt neglected. He was stressed and indifferent at times. A couple either communicates and navigates these things successfully or their incompatibilities come to the fore, signaling it may be better to move on. That seems to be where you're at. My suggestion is to put your focus on other parts of your life and give time a chance. Little to no contact can kill anything, and that includes the feelings you have now. It's heating up in the UK so take advantage and get outdoors. Buy some lovely spring dresses and sit outside presumably for coffee but secretly to be admired. Decide to become even more interesting: join a book club, learn about opera, consider flying lessons. Pursue those interests and adopt new ones! You have a whole life to develop and enjoy beyond him. The best parts are just coming up! 3
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