RollTideJLM Posted June 14, 2004 Posted June 14, 2004 My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 3 years now. Since we started our freshman year of college. Now we are staring at graduation, and both have a burning desire to be married. The problem is that I am starting Law School after this, and she is starting a PhD program in Sociology. I want to be married very strongly, and she does as well, but I don't think we can be married while we are both full-time students. Without an income, it seems like an irresponsbile thing to do. The problem is that if we don't, then were at least 4 more years from marriage, and I just can't accept that. I don't want to ask her to skip her PhD, because she should be no more responsible for waiting while I go to school than I would be for her to. Im just very confused, and could use some advice. Is it okay to get married and still have your parents (combined they have PLENTY of money) to continue to fund our existence until we get our terminal degrees? HELP!
CurlyIam Posted June 15, 2004 Posted June 15, 2004 What's the hurry to get married? Can't you just live together? Or at least get engaged and live together? MArriage is about commitment, lots of responsabilities etc. The fact that your parents are paying for supporting you two can cause LOTS of problems. Don't put yourselves in that position. Just keep them as far as possible from your relationship, from your decisions etc. I mean imagine: you want to choose furniture: will they just pay you a check fifty fiftyor will they want to have their say for... it's their money? Stupid example, but let me tell you that this kind of silly things end up destroying a relationship. What if your family has a bit more money than hers? Who's to contribute more? Who is making the biggest sacrifice? Trust me, you DON'T want to go there. Enjoy what you have, your gf, your relationship and wait with the marriage thing until you both have jobs!
dyermaker Posted June 15, 2004 Posted June 15, 2004 I want to be married very strongly, and she does as well, but I don't think we can be married while we are both full-time students. Without an income, it seems like an irresponsbile thing to do. The problem is that if we don't, then were at least 4 more years from marriage, and I just can't accept that. Why can't you accept that? (And isn't law school two years?) If your relationship is going to fail, it's going to fail regardless of what papers you've signed.
clia Posted June 15, 2004 Posted June 15, 2004 Is it okay to get married and still have your parents (combined they have PLENTY of money) to continue to fund our existence until we get our terminal degrees? No. If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to support yourselves. (Law school is three years, dyer.)
lydiamarie Posted June 15, 2004 Posted June 15, 2004 lots of people get money from their families. one of my sisters got married after she finished her degree, but then decided she wanted to go back for another and so my parents are helping her and her husband so they can afford her tuition. as long as you don't have manipulative parents, i don't see the problem. i know lots of really poor grad students who are married. some are getting help from their parents, some are not. most grad schools have programs to make eduction more affordable. if you TA for a class then you get a tuition break. plenty of schools will even give you a living stipend. have you looked into these programs? failing that, there are always loans. if you're set on marriage, there are ways to make this work.
chev Posted June 17, 2004 Posted June 17, 2004 I say go for it. Marriage should rely on more than economic stability (which you will have later anyway). a lot of graduate students are married. There are many programs out there to help people with school, neither of you should have to forsake your dreams (Now THAT will lead to problems in your marriage). Furthermore, neither of you should ask your parents for help. If you love her, you have compatable views on what you think makes a good marriage, good family, etc, then GO FOR IT! Living together for years and years without marriage can sometimes be the worst thing to do. Be committed to dealing with the hard times- you guys get through gradschool together, being able to look back on it later in your marriage can only make you a stronger couple.
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