budley12 Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 I understand that NC is used to help move on from an ex. I unfortunately still have hopes of us getting back even though these ideas should be gone. My ex dumped me 4months ago, and I initiated NC 8weeks ago when I found out he was dating someone new and asked for him not to contact me. What I am wondering is, are there phases of NC? What I mean by that is... the first week of NC i felt empowered. I felt like I hated my ex and I was the one in control of not communicating. Now that is has been 8 weeks it seems that I am getting worse instead of better. I am progressively starting to become more obsessed. I am reaching out to new parties to obsess to over the breakup because everyone else is tired of my story. It would be nice to hear of stories of how/when NC really started to help move on and become happy again. I am so close to trying to contact my ex again even though I shouldnt because I know I will be too hurt knowing that he is currently happy with someone else. I just want to hear of personal experiences of why NC worked for you/how long it took, and why I should not break it. Thanks
blindesided Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Doesnt your last statement answer your own guestion about NC? My ex too has moved on & is seeing someone new. It has only be 2 weeks so I am not delusional to think that right now he is in the blissful texting and wanting to see each other all the time phase. I think as time wears on for NC - you can kind of tell yourself (true or not) that it didnt work out & he is alone & miserable. If you do have contact & do find out he is still happy with her - how does that help you? I would think that would set me back to square on & I for sure dont want to go back to that excruciating pain! The pain after two weeks of knowing is bad enough. I know for me - I dont want to take steps backward - only moving forward
lemonade57 Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Blindesided just hit it on the spot. My relationship ended a month ago n I decided to break NC. It hurt like a ***** and that night I cried more than the night of the actual breakup. To hear him tell me he's happy now without me. After that night, i finally had the best sleep of my life since the breakup. What im telling you is just let it be. If it's ment to be, time will do its part. He'll chase u like how he once did before. The more u reach out the more disappointed ur just going to be. The more you know what going on with him the more ur going to hurt urself. Stay away from him and just have fun and focus on urself. Don't worry about what he's doing. This relationship is already over so don't wait around and let him see that ur miserable without him cuz right now he doesn't care. 1
Philosoraptor Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 (edited) It's not really phases of no contact, but the general stages of grief. Many people live in the denial stage because they stay in contact with their ex. Going no contact allows us to start focusing on ourselves and allowing ourselves to heal. The first week brings power, the anger phase. Then you are likely to jump to either depression or bargaining. Continue to focus on yourself and when you find yourself wanting to reach out you should do something nice for yourself. Do something you've always wanted to do, find a new hobby, watch a movie you've wanted to see but never had the time for... just pamper yourself. Edited March 30, 2012 by Philosoraptor 2
mike588 Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 My ex. of 1 year dumped me for her ex. 7 months ago. I went No Contact one week later and I really believed I'd NEVER hear from her again. Last month she contacts me several time with sorrys and regrets. Believe me I know how tough it is....I almost broke N.C. 100+ times and now am so glad I didn't. Don't do it!!! 1
Author budley12 Posted March 30, 2012 Author Posted March 30, 2012 thanks for sharing that story mike. it gives us dumpees hope. Me and my ex are planning on studying abroad for 5months next year so I am secretly hoping that during this time my ex will break off his new relationship, and possibly miss me. Since he spent no time of being alone after our breakup, he has not been "alone" in three years. I hope that his new relationship is just a fling to fill the void... then again my heart tells me that my ex dumped me to be with this new person which then means I was the cause of the void which he has replaced =(
mike588 Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 thanks for sharing that story mike. it gives us dumpees hope. Me and my ex are planning on studying abroad for 5months next year so I am secretly hoping that during this time my ex will break off his new relationship, and possibly miss me. Since he spent no time of being alone after our breakup, he has not been "alone" in three years. I hope that his new relationship is just a fling to fill the void... then again my heart tells me that my ex dumped me to be with this new person which then means I was the cause of the void which he has replaced =( Just try to move on with your life now. I'm sure he knows how you feel so please don't contact him...whatever you don't cry..beg..plead with him. Again I know how difficult it is...I've been there! Let him do his thing...focus on yourself now...spoil yourself and just see what happens down the road...you don't want to be his "backup" After some time passes you may not even want him back... I soooo wanted my ex. back like most of us here do early on but as time passes and you start to heal your feelings may change...mine did! You are #1 now and I promise you it DOES get better!!!!!!! 1
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