Kamille Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 For as long as I can remember, my mom has been physically sick. She suffers from a variety of chronic diseases, from arthritis to lupus to diabetes. This has meant that pain is a recurrent theme in her life. She, consequently, also struggled with depression. Things have gotten worse in the last few years. Her worse fear seems to be coming true. She no longer has a good quality of life. Today, the pain was so bad that she collapsed. (My dad caught her. They just got back from the hospital.) Tonight, I've come to the realization that she's probably never going to really get better. It's bringing up all these crazy emotions. Anger mostly. Anger because I realize that I always, since being a child, operated on the illusion that my mom would get better, at least mentally. I tried to exhort control over an unmanageable situation any which way I could. I don't know why I'm sharing this. I've been crying on and off all evening. (Letting friends in the OT thread entertain me). I guess, what I really want is advice from other children of parents with chronic pain. Does anyone else deal with a loved one's chronic pain? How has it affected your relationship? How do you deal with wanting to help - yet being powerless to do so?
oldguy Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Do you have other brothers & sisters? Kids of Parents with Chronic Pain | Facebook
Author Kamille Posted March 30, 2012 Author Posted March 30, 2012 Do you have other brothers & sisters? Kids of Parents with Chronic Pain | Facebook I have a sister. I'd say we're not exactly at the same place right now when it comes to my parents. She loves and cares for them, but she's also exasperated with my mother. Likely something typical of this kind of situation. I'm guessing we tend to misdirect our anger. Thanks for the resource OG.
oldguy Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Talking to someone face to face preferably those you know & can trusts is better than FB, LS or on-line if you have someone like a grandmother, aunt or if reasonable even a counselor who understands and can help you with what you are going to going through like the angers, fear, depression and so many other things.
Author Kamille Posted March 30, 2012 Author Posted March 30, 2012 Talking to someone face to face preferably those you know & can trusts is better than FB, LS or on-line if you have someone like a grandmother, aunt or if reasonable even a counselor who understands and can help you with what you are going to going through like the angers, fear, depression and so many other things. I've been talking to a friend here about some of this. She's been really helpful. I'm going to book an appointment to see a therapist tomorrow. I live hours away from my home town. I really wish I could talk to someone in the family about this. For some reason though, my dad, sister and I alway skirt around the issue. We tend to disagree a lot about it. There is one aunt I could probably talk with, but again, she lives far away. (And I agree, face to face would be ideal).
Mr Scorpio Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 While I don't have any advice to give you, I thought I'd chime in to sympathize. My father has dealt with chronic pain for almost as long as I can remember. I don't have any siblings, and my mother passed away years ago, so its just me and him. He hasn't been able to work for a few years and realistically never will again. I'm resigned to the fact that I'll probably never have a family/house of my own due to the expense of helping him.
Author Kamille Posted April 3, 2012 Author Posted April 3, 2012 (edited) While I don't have any advice to give you, I thought I'd chime in to sympathize. My father has dealt with chronic pain for almost as long as I can remember. I don't have any siblings, and my mother passed away years ago, so its just me and him. He hasn't been able to work for a few years and realistically never will again. I'm resigned to the fact that I'll probably never have a family/house of my own due to the expense of helping him. Thanks for sharing your experience Mr. Scorpio. Your story leaves me speechless. I'm definitely blessed that my dad is still there and that my sister lives close. But there are times, like this week, when I wish I lived closer. I first wrote so much more about my situation, but right now it leaves me feeling too raw. Edited April 3, 2012 by Kamille
AriesBunny Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 I don't know why I'm sharing this. I've been crying on and off all evening. (Letting friends in the OT thread entertain me). I guess, what I really want is advice from other children of parents with chronic pain. Does anyone else deal with a loved one's chronic pain? How has it affected your relationship? How do you deal with wanting to help - yet being powerless to do so? I have a friend who is caring for her parent. It has affected her relationship that she choose the wrong guy; she choose based on superficial looks and sex over over the guy who was genuine interested. That genuine guy never came back. Her siblings did not do any thing to help my friend or their own parent. Your friends could only help you get away from your daily grind. An escape into your happy place. Your friends can only help out so much.
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