roi3558agha Posted June 14, 2004 Posted June 14, 2004 So I'm in a pickle - a serious pickle. I'm moving. And the move looms closer and closer every day. I should be more specific - I'm moving across the country. And right now my girlfriend wants to come with me. I waiver on the topic, but ultimately think it would probably be a bad idea. The trouble is, she already assumes she is going and she has gone so far as to looking into moving companies, apartment, etc. See, I don't think it's a great idea because I don't know if I will eventually want the same thing she wants - marriage. Additionally, she found about me cheating on her, and although things are better, she still doesn't trust me. Any advice on how I can handle this? Anybody? Please?
Cupcake Posted June 14, 2004 Posted June 14, 2004 You and her need to sit down and have a talk. You should tell her exactly what you feel, and why you feel that way. Sounds like you need to break up with her, because you are going across the country. If you don't think she's the one before you leave, don't string her along in an LDR afterwards. If she's really hurt and doesn't understand, try both of you talking with a councelor or mediator before you leave. She needs to see that this is best for her.
Author roi3558agha Posted June 16, 2004 Author Posted June 16, 2004 I have no idea how to break it off with my girl. IN so many ways I still love her, but I don't think I can move out west with her. It's just such a gigantic step, especially when she's hearing wedding bells and I don't know if I'm ever going to want to get married. I just don't know what to do. I know it'll kill her, but the situation gets worse every day. She's looked into moving companies, put in notice at her job (they're even scheduling a farwell luncheon for her), and she's looking at apartments in Tucson (where we'd be moving...where i'm definitely moving). yes, i've let it get that far. I almost feel like I just want someone to tell me what to do - heck, even do it for me. I"m such a wimp. But moving out there would be such a huge mistake. I hate this. I suck at it. Advice? Please!
newsgirl Posted June 17, 2004 Posted June 17, 2004 You HAVE GOT to tell your girlfriend you don't want her to move out west with you. It's better to go ahead and do this now, rather than waiting until she gets out there and being miserable or feeling guilty. A move like that is such a big change. You're hurting her now by trying to save yourself the shame or torment of hurting her later.
bell8102 Posted June 17, 2004 Posted June 17, 2004 I think you should tell her and move. If you really love her you will miss her more than anything. I was once with a guy and I knew a long time ago that I was going to be married and have kids. This particular person wanted neither. That was a deal breaker for me so you need to tell her this if you haven't already it might make it easier for the both of you. A relationship is built on trust and if she doesn't trust you a 100% then it will do more harm than good to have a long distance relationship. Follow your heart it will never lie to you.
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