just broke up after 3 years, some words of wisdom would be great

[bentleychris23]

hi, its been a really long road. i've been on and off back and forth with this girl, it's been volatile. but 3 years nevertheless. and this is one of the worst feelings i've ever had in my life, probably the worst actually. i look back at all the amazing times and feel absolutely terrible that it's over, and its only been a few hours but quite frankly i really really miss her. i dont know, i need some words of advice. we broke up for 4 months once before and neither of us moved on and got back together. this is going to be a long road ahead of me. any advice would be great. i know that i have to cut of all ties, delete her off facebook, etc.

[cflowers32]

Well you said it was volatile, so I think that is a good enough reason for you to move on. My boyfriend broke up with me, and I miss him, he was wonderful. I still love him, but I moved out because I was so overwhelmed with work, school, my son, my stupid X husband, and "us" was rough with all of that. My moving hurt him and he ended it. I miss him so much.

 

This site has been awesome. I just joined a gym today and started working out, and I'm going back tomorrow. I've reached out to my friends who were just as shocked, they all thought Wayne was a great guy for me, I was happy. It sucks.

 

There are healthy relationships out there, I promise you'll find someone better who will treat you well.

 

I would love to give you advise, but you know YOU better than I do. Do whatever you think will be good for you, do good things for yourself, keep coming here, this site is AWESOME, and everyone is so supportive. We are literally all in this together so everyone here is going to help you. Some advice you might not like, but you might need to hear it, and the rest, you'll get what you'll need here.

 

It's still going to hurt, but this place will help too.

 

My best...

[Exit]

Well you're only a few hours into it so who knows which direction this will go. My last relationship was a "volatile" one too and we were broken up for a while once before but this time seems to be for good. I'm just starting to see the light and not feel quite so terrible anymore, although this evening I am feeling some heavy feelings again.

 

Best thing you can do is be strong and just try to get yourself to a point where the relationship or lack of it doesn't have this much power over you. Gotta get happy about life and just see a relationship as something enjoyable to share with someone but not make it a huge deal. Especially if the 23 in your username is any indication of your age. But I feel silly giving this type of advice to someone who is a few hours into their breakup. There's just no way you're going to feel good for a while. Time is the biggest healer and you're just a few steps down that road. But if you can call up a close friend and have a distraction for a while or find someone who won't mind talking about it, that might help, or just go rent a movie or get yourself some dinner, just try to be good to yourself right now.

[budley12]

sorry to hear that =( I would give it some time though. Your ex may rethink things since it has only been a few hours. Just dont do anything drastic or crazy, because you will most likely regret it later on.

 

I know this is your post but I noticed that you and your ex got back after 4months. My ex broke up with me 4months ago and we dated for 3years (and were each other's first loves). My ex is now dating someone new... but I was just wondering how did you reset that spark after that 4month separation?

[bentleychris23]

it almost hurts that this breakup was mutual and we both still have immense feelings, we just became incompatible and would fight so much. but after the 4 month break i just really missed her so i reached out and contacted. we slowly started hanging out again and then it became really messy because we werent dating but still hooking up - something ill never ever do again with someone i love. the jealousies involved with other guys/girls were just brutal. i just remember myself as a carefree, fun guy. is it possible to get back to that state before i fell in love? she was my first love, i've never truly gotten over a girl before that i really loved with all my heart.

[budley12]

just remember myself as a carefree, fun guy. is it possible to get back to that state before i fell in love? she was my first love, i've never truly gotten over a girl before that i really loved with all my heart.

 

I ask the same thing. I was such a caring and heartfilled person and then love changed me and I started to change myself with the relationship. I hope I can find that same self my ex first fell in love with by using NC. Even though my ex is dating someone new I hope he still thinks of me and may consider getting back down the road. We were each others first loves as well... I am hoping that if I continue with NC and his new relationship goes wrong after their honeymoon phase that he may truly miss me and contact me. These hopes though are not letting me move on and be happy. I think we both need to try and move on and focus on ourselves, but it is much easier said than done =(