Leigh 87 Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 ....all I can say, is we are blissfully happy, and I have not compromised in the slightest for my boyfriend.appy we are. I am so greatful we found each other. I am a very funny, positive, happy person, that a lot of guys like. I am attractive enough and have a compelling enough personality, to get a decent guy. I do not need my boyfriend, if he is less than a nice guy who is madly in love with me. I firmly believe that I would rather be alone than with a guy who is not that into me...... ...........................In fact, I believe u have to be very, very much in love with your partner, in order for a 3 some to even be an option for you. Open relationships and swinging are not for us. We do not want sexual action alone, independant from one another. It is an experience he is uncomfortable doing, if I am not present. I have told him to try it and he has not been sucessful and is strong against it. I have just always believed that monogomy should not have to be a set thing; a fixed set of rules, whereby people who stray are not in love as much as people who DO NOT have other sexual partners. I have always thought though two people can be in love, just as in love as two monogomus people, and have 3 somes, or have their " thing" they do, that they believe in. If he ever wanted to seek women out to have sex with, and actually focus and desire to please them, I would leave him. The thing with us, is that he is not driven to want to please other women; he is very much in it for himself. The womens pleasure is not omething he craves, as much as he does the sex... He does not feel compelled to carrass, touch, stroke, make out with, and to please a girl. My boyfriend is selfish in that department- he has ti LOVE or really have strong feelings for a girl, in order to WANT to give THEM pleasure. Otherwise, it is about him and fulfulling his needs; Aka, sex and getting HIMSELF off. With 3 somes, essentially he goes down on me and makes it all about me, and then the girls joins in. He is not really into pleasing the other girls, it is more for sexual varity. I just do not believe a lot of men want the one women to have sex with for many years at a time. Variety just works for us, and some couples. I do not think I am bi sexual, I belive bisexuality is reserved for girls who can have a relationship and have romantic feelings for girls. I just have a fetish for watching girls get pleasure from their partners; voyerism, of course, is a fairly standard fettish! 3 somes were a way that I satisfied my fantisy to watch girls get pleasure, and also give my boyfriend a taste of other girls. ......................................... I can say with a lot of certainty, that the love I have with my boyfriend is very strong, more so than most couples. We are just incredibly close.
kaylan Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 (edited) My boyfriend is very much in love with me. I find it very insulting how u assume that he is not that into me.... We are deaply in love... I would say we are much closer than most couples. We are just on the same page, and are very comfortable with both being really, really into each other. We pinch ourselves every day at how much in love we are. We both feel like we are rare and very lucky to have such a strong love. I talked about open relationships, because I have friends who do it. Upon hearing peoples opinions and resarching the actuality of it, I was turned off it, and it is not what either of us want... He is just in his 20's, and I while I have no desire to have sex with other men, I see nothing wrong with SOME men in their 20's, to find an arrangment with their partners, whereby they can still experience other women.. Having one girl for the rest of your lives is a huge thing! NO other women to EVER touch, physically and sexually. It is not for everyone, monogomy!!!!!!! That said, it does not mean he wants to go " cheat" on me with other women, either; 3 somes are a way he wants to experience other women in his life. It may not be monogomy in the sense many other people believe it to be; however, it does not mean he WANTS other girls, outside of a 3 some situation. He does not want to go see other women without me being there, and even still, 3 somes are only a very occasional thing. Really - you have some nerve assuming my boyfriend does not have much love for me. Not all men in their 20's are ready to settle with one girl int he bedroom for all their lives..... Does not mean they want to screw around, either. occasional 3 somes do nto bother me. Look like everyone has told you in the other thread, we are simply waiting for the other shoe to drop. The fact that you needed to write an essay in the defense on your relationships says a lot in my opinion. Thats my opinion and Im sticking to it. Dont share your life stories with people if you cannot handle honest opinions. You may know your boyfriend, but I know men. Just sayin' And yes you are bisexual. Sexual attraction for both genders means you are bisexual. Your romantic leanings have nothing to do with that. Plenty of people never have relationships with people, but still hook up. Are you really going to tell me that if you boyfriend started having sex with men, that he wasnt bisexual? Really? Why be in denial about it? Are you ashamed of it? Edited April 2, 2012 by kaylan
betterdeal Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 Sexual orientation is about attraction...not about who you prefer to be in a relationship with. It's a lot more complex than that. Look up "men who have sex with men". It's about identity, gender role, self-image, and circumstances, as well as physical attraction. Sodomy is used as a form of punishment in Serbia between criminal gangs, but none of them consider themselves gay. Just as rape is about power, not sex, your sexual identity is not solely down to who you can get an erection with. As for threesomes, meh. If they happen ad hoc, spur of the moment, I can see that, but planned? Too mechanical, too deliberate, and more often than not someone ends up an awkward bystander while the other two get it on.
kaylan Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 (edited) ^Sexuality is complex, but one who has an attraction to both genders is bisexual. Simple as that. Note that I said attraction. Not simply having sex to dominate someone. Anyone can have their own identity...but lets be realistic adults here and recognize that there are real world definitions for a lot of things. I cannot sleep with women, and have relationships with women, but identify as homosexual can I? Having a want and need for sex with both genders would make some bisexual by the simplest definition of the term. And rape is not always solely about power. I think people get that one wrong. Its also about sex, but not only about sex. I believe its a combination of power (dominance) and sex amongst other things. Edited April 2, 2012 by kaylan
betterdeal Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 ^Sexuality is complex, but one who has an attraction to both genders is bisexual. Simple as that. Note that I said attraction. Not simply having sex to dominate someone. Anyone can have their own identity...but lets be realistic adults here and recognize that there are real world definitions for a lot of things. Controlling, passive-aggressive, much?! Disagreeing with you makes me not an adult, not realistic? I cannot sleep with women, and have relationships with women, but identify as homosexual can I? Many men do. Decades later, after the kids have grown up they come out of the closet. Their wish to have children, live the model nuclear family thing, is no less genuine than any other life goal. Having a want and need for sex with both genders would make some bisexual by the simplest definition of the term. It's also the most incomplete. Having same-sex sex in college isn't the same as identifying as gay. Plenty of people experiment. Many are happy to try before they buy, and sexuality is not all about sex. And rape is not always solely about power. I think people get that one wrong. Its also about sex, but not only about sex. I believe its a combination of power (dominance) and sex amongst other things. It's taking without consent. That's not sex; that's robbery.
kaylan Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 (edited) Controlling, passive-aggressive, much?! Disagreeing with you makes me not an adult, not realistic? Seems like someone is reading far too much into what I said. Take a chill pill brah. Many men do. Decades later, after the kids have grown up they come out of the closet. Their wish to have children, live the model nuclear family thing, is no less genuine than any other life goal. Because they have attractions to men that they never admitted to. You are only proving my point. If you have an attraction to both sexes, you are in fact bisexual. Thats completely different from the scenario I painted, or Leigh87 painted. I was talking about a male who has no attraction to men, nor ever will...he cant call himself homosexual. The same way I dont feel a woman who has sex with women and men, is attracted to their bodies, cannot say she isnt bisexual. People can identify how they want, but Im just going to be real with them and say that from a logical objective standpoint, there are real world classifications for certain behaviors. It's also the most incomplete. Having same-sex sex in college isn't the same as identifying as gay. Plenty of people experiment. Many are happy to try before they buy, and sexuality is not all about sex. Experimentation is one thing. Ongoing attraction is different. Why the denial? And I never said sexuality is all about sex. If an emotional or physical attraction exists for either sex, that counts. If a person only has sex with one sex, but doesnt date that sex, and does vice versa with the opposite sex, said person is still bisexual. There exists an attraction for both sexes...even though one attraction is emotional and the other sexual. It's taking without consent. That's not sex; that's robbery.Its sexual intercourse. Its robbery, but its still sexual intercourse even though its not "sex" the way most of us think of it. Edited April 2, 2012 by kaylan
kaylan Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 (edited) Yes, dear. If youre only going to make an immature reply such as this one instead of an actual rebuttal, maybe its better not to say anything at all. Edited April 2, 2012 by kaylan
mesmerized Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 I'm not so sure the "vast majority" of women are bisexual. How old are you/the women you speak of? Perhaps in a college type of atmosphere they are "bisexual" but out in the real world, I don't know that 80% of women are legitimately bisexual. LOL, what are you talking about??? I like the idea of threesome with two men and I know a lot of women who like it too. They just don't openly talk about it.
Leigh 87 Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Kaylan - I welcome your opinions:) they do not affect me if I believe I am right about things that you disagree with:) I am a big girl and do not let such things affect me. However, can you please elaborate? What shoe will drop? He will discover he does not love me much and leave? He will find the " right girl", and never ever be interested in 3 somes or touching another women again? I am turned off by the notion of a guy falling in love in his 20's, and having a life time BAN from EVER having sex with other women. Ever again. To me, it is just not ideal for some men. I think it is logical for some men ( not all), to WANT to not only be fully in love with their girlfriends, but to also get a taste of other women once in a while. It is not a thing they crave for strongly or often, it is just the idea of " no sex with other women ever again" is really like a death sentence to a lot of men!! WHy nto experience other women while being in love? I am not writing an essay to justify my boyfriends love for me? At all. I just find the way I think to be logical. I realize it is not true for every man, some men like you, for instance, fall in love and NEVEr want to touch another women ever again... Furthermore: I am really VERY interested, to know what proof you have, that a man cannot be fully in love, and also accept the offer if their girlfriends suggest they engage in 3 somes, instead of having to go without sex from other women for the rest of their lives? How do you KNOW for SURE, that ALL MEN fall in love, and then NEVER feel like sex from other women again? To be fair, my boyfriend has told me that if I ever want to experience other men too, or if I tell him that I DO NOT WANT him to ever touch another women again while he is with me, he says he would happily accept this. Life without be is too painful to him, he would much rather have me and be without other women. Not that he really desires them much anyways; and definately not on an emotional, spiritual, or any other level besides sex.
Leigh 87 Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Kaylan - I really want u to answer why you think it is a fact, that if a man is madly in love, he will lose all urges to touch other women; that they will want to never have sex with other women for as long as they live? I really do not believe this is a true fact for all men. Men can be truly and deaply in love, and still enjoy varity in sex. It does not mean they crave for emotional connections; in fact, my boyfriend is pretty averse to it. As I said, one girls emotions are intence enough. LASTLY: I am actually turned off if guys I am with have kissed a guy, or otherwise. I have been with 2 men in about 6 years, and the last guy I was with was VERY hot; a bopdy buildar, and male model.... We had great chemistry... then he mentioned that he had kissed another guy once:sick::sick: I have NOTHING against gay people! They are equal people!!! I even believe in gay marriage, they can do what they want. However; I just like my men to be manly, and only to like girls that way. On the other hand, it is a turn on to some men when chicks kiss chicks; less so when they actually have feelimgs towards girls. I am not sure what bisexuality is, if I am apparently bi haha. All I know is; occasionally, only when I am DRUNK, I like to have fun with girls, purely as a " crazy" and " different" experience. I derive pleasure from "watching" women gety pleasure, I like to watch people, therefore being there watching their pleasure turns me on. Moreover, I think girls bodies look hot, because they are curvy and more interesting than mens ( not soft and sexual). I really would never feel comfortable dating a girl. I do not have it in me to get romantic feeligs for a girl.. and I cannot fool around with them unless I am drunk or at least tipsy.... I put it down to being a horny person, and being not repulsed by the " right girl". I do not have fantasies about girls, and I never really desire them. It is just a drunken thing, that asa horny person, I am open to exploring.
Leigh 87 Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 oh - and most girls I know of have done sexual things with girls, just because they want to try it for fun. They do not do it often at all, and it is more a drunken, " fun" thing they try. I am certainly not ashamed. It just did not occur to me, that occasionally wanting to experiment and deriving pleasure of giving a girl pleasure, made me bisexual; I thought it was more about your feelings towards women in general. I have feelings for many men I fall for; where as I have xero feelings for ANY women on earth. And I am really looking forward to you answering my other question... I really do not think my boyfriend will find the " right " girl, and at the suggestion of a 3 some, decline, on account of " only wanting to touch that girl for the rest of his life" with her.... WHat makes you think if he found gthe right girl, he would shun 3 somes? He is not the one who suggested it, I was, because I do not think it is optimal or ideal for all men in their 20's to be confined to one girl for ten years.
Leigh 87 Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Oh, I forgot to mention - My boyfriend has only fallen in love with two girls; me and a German chick. He obviously knows what love feels like, otherwise he would know the way he feels for me, was different to her?
kaylan Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 (edited) So I see Leigh. It makes sense that most women you know have had a little "fun" on the side. Like does attract like. However in my experience, most women are straight, but that may only be because I prefer straight women romantically. Also, you have a double standard about bisexuality. Another typical "lesbians awesome, gay guys gross" viewpoint even though youre bisexual yourself. Seems hypocritical to me, but whatevs. Oh wells, thats youre deal...I dont get how you can do it and it be sexy, but if your guy did it, its gross I know Id prefer to date a girl who hasnt experimented, but I havent myself, so that makes sense to me. On everything else, Im just going to stick by the opinions of my previous posts. No need for me to reply in length. Edited April 3, 2012 by kaylan
Leigh 87 Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Kaylan - I actually agree, that a girl who is more into men is more attractive. If I were a guy, I would be far more turned on by a girl who just wanted, well... " penis" haha. The thing is: I am souly attracted to men. Their whole " packages". It actually sickens me, to think about being in the arms of a women in a relationship! I need a strong, hard man thanks! I really would not be comfortable doing anything other than drunken fooling around with a girl. I think it comes down to my fettish for watching couples. To me, I feel like women are a boredome thing for me. I am uncomfortable having sex or sexual relations with men who I am not in a relatio0nship with, so girls are a drunken thing I can do, without feeling dirty or exploited. LAstly - u have not answere my question. Why do u think a guy cannot be in love with a girl, if he enjoyes 3 somes with them? As a man, are you 100% certain ALL men, when they meet the right women, will never feel like sex with other women their entire lives? DO you not think a man can separate emotions and sex?
Dust Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 LAstly - u have not answere my question. Why do u think a guy cannot be in love with a girl, if he enjoyes 3 somes with them? As a man, are you 100% certain ALL men, when they meet the right women, will never feel like sex with other women their entire lives? DO you not think a man can separate emotions and sex? Kaylan thinks he knows everything. If something is working for you he is the last person who should upset you because he disagrees. Let him figure his own life out while you figure yours. As for me I'm 100% certain a man even after he's met the right women loved her, had children with her, and would die for her could still feel and want sex from other women. If Kaylan wants to deny reality let him. 1
kaylan Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Kaylan thinks he knows everything. If something is working for you he is the last person who should upset you because he disagrees. Let him figure his own life out while you figure yours. As for me I'm 100% certain a man even after he's met the right women loved her, had children with her, and would die for her could still feel and want sex from other women. If Kaylan wants to deny reality let him. Actually I dont think I know everything. I have my opinions though and I stick to them. I told her in my last reply that I would just be sticking by my previous opinions and didnt want to get into these things in length. I already remember offering her my opinion in her thread about her relationship. She doesnt need to be concerned with what I think, just like you said. Anyways, not all men are the same, but Ive rarely come across a guy who could preach (and truly show) undying love for a woman while sleeping around with other chicks as well. But thats his life, not mine. I dont need to concern myself with other peoples drama. I dont doubt a guy could feel attraction for other women while hes in love with someone. I simply doubt that a relationship where a man acts upon those attractions will stand the test of time. Jealously has made it so that relationships with more than two people have a higher fail rate. If some folks wanna give it a go, thats their life. Id just prefer not to deal with the drama.
Dust Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Actually I dont think I know everything. I have my opinions though and I stick to them. I told her in my last reply that I would just be sticking by my previous opinions and didnt want to get into these things in length. I already remember offering her my opinion in her thread about her relationship. She doesnt need to be concerned with what I think, just like you said. Anyways, not all men are the same, but Ive rarely come across a guy who could preach (and truly show) undying love for a woman while sleeping around with other chicks as well. But thats his life, not mine. I dont need to concern myself with other peoples drama. I dont doubt a guy could feel attraction for other women while hes in love with someone. I simply doubt that a relationship where a man acts upon those attractions will stand the test of time. Jealously has made it so that relationships with more than two people have a higher fail rate. If some folks wanna give it a go, thats their life. Id just prefer not to deal with the drama. I've rarely come accross a man like you yet here you are spouting your ideas as though they are mainstream or must be right. If you had a girl that was ok with you having one way open physical relationships you wouldn't love that? Sounds great to me and its more common then you think. Not exactly something people would broadcast.
Leigh 87 Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Actually I dont think I know everything. I have my opinions though and I stick to them. I told her in my last reply that I would just be sticking by my previous opinions and didnt want to get into these things in length. I already remember offering her my opinion in her thread about her relationship. She doesnt need to be concerned with what I think, just like you said. Anyways, not all men are the same, but Ive rarely come across a guy who could preach (and truly show) undying love for a woman while sleeping around with other chicks as well. But thats his life, not mine. I dont need to concern myself with other peoples drama. I dont doubt a guy could feel attraction for other women while hes in love with someone. I simply doubt that a relationship where a man acts upon those attractions will stand the test of time. Jealously has made it so that relationships with more than two people have a higher fail rate. If some folks wanna give it a go, thats their life. Id just prefer not to deal with the drama. LOl, your opinion actually interest me, hence why I ask:) The concept that a man can be truly in love while having 3 somes is my viewpoint; what I wanted from you, is your opinion on wheather you believe a man can: - truly love a women - while having 3 somes once or twice a year. I do not think sleeping around with other women is indicative of being in love at all, either; my boyfriend does not sleep around often with others. Lastly, 3 somes and such affairs DONT work in MOST cases. I am talking about MY case; it has not hindered us or causes jealously.
Leigh 87 Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Jealously has made it so that relationships with more than two people have a higher fail rate. If some folks wanna give it a go, thats their life. Id just prefer not to deal with the drama. Yes, Drama has no place in healthy relationships. Hence why we will stop having 3 somes if drama ensues. We both know how we both want it to be, we have not had issues with straying from what is comfortable yet. I would only get jealous if he had feelings for the other girl, above and beyond what he feels for me. I am confident enough in my own body and in my own mind, to think highly enough of myself, physically and otherwise, to not mind if a girl is " thinner" or " has better boobs" or such factors that could cause jealously. I really am not a jealous person. To me, if you are jealous it signifies that you have self esteem that is extremely low.
kaylan Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 I've rarely come accross a man like you yet here you are spouting your ideas as though they are mainstream or must be right. If you had a girl that was ok with you having one way open physical relationships you wouldn't love that? Sounds great to me and its more common then you think. Not exactly something people would broadcast. Im not saying my ideas are absolutely right, but they are indeed right for me and the people around me. If you cant deal with a difference in opinion, then please go kick rocks and quit whining. Im sorry but in my opinion, a woman who would be ok with any sort of open relationship is a women I wouldnt respect romantically. We could be cool as friends, but Id never date her. I dont desire an open relationship, whether its one or both sides. Especially given the std and pregnancy risks.
Leigh 87 Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 I've rarely come accross a man like you yet here you are spouting your ideas as though they are mainstream or must be right. If you had a girl that was ok with you having one way open physical relationships you wouldn't love that? Sounds great to me and its more common then you think. Not exactly something people would broadcast. Most people are apprehensive about it, even dudes that want it; they see jealously and complications and would rather avoid the drama tham have their 3 somes. Most girls are not like me, I am guessing, in the sense they would feel 100% neautral and at peace watching their man have sex with another women. With me, I feel nothing; it turns me on and is a fettish. Where as most women get deaply hurt if the man they love has sex with other women. I have met just one other women like me so far, that is comfortable enough in her relationships to as to allow 3 somes and she even allows open. She truly believes in dividing sex from emotions, but even she realies most couples cannot think along those lines. I certainly cannot tollerate my boyfriend cheating behind my back. 3 somes, on the other hand, do not bother me at all and fulfill my fettish and fantasty of watching him with other women. It feels like a real life fantasy.
kaylan Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 LOl, your opinion actually interest me, hence why I ask:) The concept that a man can be truly in love while having 3 somes is my viewpoint; what I wanted from you, is your opinion on wheather you believe a man can: - truly love a women - while having 3 somes once or twice a year. I do not think sleeping around with other women is indicative of being in love at all, either; my boyfriend does not sleep around often with others. Lastly, 3 somes and such affairs DONT work in MOST cases. I am talking about MY case; it has not hindered us or causes jealously. Its my personal opinion that open relationships dont last (3 somes count). This is based on what Ive seen with friends, heard from acquaintances, seen online, etc. And in the cases of the one sided open relationships, one person always seems to be getting taken for a ride. But her, if you and your boyfriend can make this last, cool. But I just feel people who sleep with other people, while restricting their partner, are having their cake and eating it too. Its all about them and the flavor of the month, and Ive never seen that last long. And many times, theres extra cirricular activites going on that their partner doesnt know about. Once you open the door to outsiders with 3 somes, you can never be ultra certain that someone wont go off and have a party without you. But if you can do it, and make the relationship work, then thats all good. You asked for my opinion though.
RiverRunning Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Yep, you hit the nail on the head, OP. In my last relationship, I was willing to have one. HE would talk about it, but when push came to shove, he admitted he would be jealous whether the third partner was a guy or a chick ("although I'd feel less jealous about a girl." ...Uh-huh, wonder why, pal?). I suggested an open relationship too. I would've been fine with it. But that REALLY got him going. The older I get and the more I see the world around me, the less emotion I attach to sex. Screwin' is screwin' is screwin' and little more.
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