starla33 Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 what i always wondered. people say to NEVER complain about anything early on when dating. Well what if you feel that it isn't moving along as you would like or someone isn't that interested. Yes I get you can totally stop talking to them which is what most of us do, but why is it crazy to say Sorry just doesn't seem you are that interested so I"m off to find someone more interested or something to that extent? Some people are clueless so you never know.
FitChick Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 If you are planning to never see them again, I suppose it wouldn't matter unless they really are crazy and go berserk on you.
Author starla33 Posted March 29, 2012 Author Posted March 29, 2012 If you are planning to never see them again, I suppose it wouldn't matter unless they really are crazy and go berserk on you. Haha not my point. Don't guys think ANYTHING you say pretty much is crazy? 1
casanovadude81 Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I don't think you're crazy. Do what you think is best.
Imajerk17 Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I'm all for you saying what's on your mind, starla. You might find out something you never would have otherwise RE the guy you've been seeing.
poodle Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I don't think it's a good idea. A simple "I'm sorry but things aren't working out" is more than enough. The problem with being too specific is that they can fake interest depending on how desperately they want to be in a relationship. 1
Author starla33 Posted March 29, 2012 Author Posted March 29, 2012 I don't think it's a good idea. A simple "I'm sorry but things aren't working out" is more than enough. The problem with being too specific is that they can fake interest depending on how desperately they want to be in a relationship. You are right. For some reason I feel like telling guys what they did wrong so they can improve on it in a future relationship.
fishtaco Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I don't understand your post. what i always wondered. people say to NEVER complain about anything early on when dating. Yes, because Debbie Downer isn't attractive. When you interact people you want to date that you don't know very well, you want to create cheerful and happy atmosphere. Going to a date all gloom and doom won't work very well. Well, maybe if you date emo kids. Well what if you feel that it isn't moving along as you would like or someone isn't that interested. Yes I get you can totally stop talking to them which is what most of us do, but why is it crazy to say Sorry just doesn't seem you are that interested so I"m off to find someone more interested or something to that extent? Some people are clueless so you never know. This is totally different issue. When you or the other person want to cut it off, it's civil, polite and considerate, to let the other person know. But, given the current dating culture at least in Los Angeles area, this is entirely optional. People just sort of vanishes, and it has become the norm not because it's right or wrong, but due to popularity. But the drawback of letting the other person know, is that even though you are taking the high road and being morally superior than the average LA people, the recipient may or may not take this news well, and may punish you in return, usually in the form of verbal insults. But they are not mad because you're trying to be considerate, they're mad because you injured their egos. What I do usually is I gauge the situation. If I deem the person has a nice personality, then I'll do the civil thing. If I barely know her (say only one date), she was not nice, she exhibited psycho behavior ...etc, then I'd pull the vanishing trick. One the receiving side, I'm a multidater, so I don't care if they pull the vanishing trick on me, I just continue to date the others. I understand some LS people think multidating is reprehensible and beneath them (you know who you are), but given the dating culture in Los Angeles, in retrospect, during my mission debriefings, usually multidating would turn out to be the right thing to do.
brokenTom Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 You are right. For some reason I feel like telling guys what they did wrong so they can improve on it in a future relationship. In a way that is nice, but just think if a guy you like let you go and said "you are boring me to death"... would you find that offensive and unnecessary? If he's doing something worse, like hurting you or being obviously dickish and he knows it... then yeah, tell him to **** off and unload any details you want. Just IMHO, of course. Seems like it may be a regional thing. Wonder what folks think is the norm in the "country".
FitChick Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 For some reason I feel like telling guys what they did wrong so they can improve on it in a future relationship. I think that is a good idea. I've had a couple of men tell me they wished women/ex-wives would tell them because "How can I improve otherwise?" I'd like to know because I will never see the guy again anyway and if it helps me attract someone better, it's a good thing. The only criticism I've heard so far has been that I slurped my tea. So now I don't.
veggirl Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 The problem with something like "you don't seem interested, so I'm moving on" is that it sounds like you are fishing for validation, that you are insecure and needy. There would be another way to say it that wouldn't have those connotations, I think. Like, what exactly makes you think the person is not interested? They don't wanna see you enough (for example)? Then initiate some more hang outs, or tell them "I'd really like to see more of you" and if they don't reciprocate, then leave but I don't think the "you don't seem interested" is a good line, ever, really. It seems a bit combative. 2
paloma22 Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 The problem with something like "you don't seem interested, so I'm moving on" is that it sounds like you are fishing for validation, that you are insecure and needy. There would be another way to say it that wouldn't have those connotations, I think. Like, what exactly makes you think the person is not interested? They don't wanna see you enough (for example)? Then initiate some more hang outs, or tell them "I'd really like to see more of you" and if they don't reciprocate, then leave but I don't think the "you don't seem interested" is a good line, ever, really. It seems a bit combative. I agree. This happened recently, and I learned a big lesson. But at least I put it out there.
Author starla33 Posted March 30, 2012 Author Posted March 30, 2012 I agree. This happened recently, and I learned a big lesson. But at least I put it out there. Ex i said something to that extent to this guy and the truth came out that he dates a lot. So I'm glad I did.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Eh, I told my ex that 2 months in. He didn't initiate many get-togethers and once went few days without contacting me for no reason. I simply told him that he didn't seem that interested and that I felt we would be better off not seeing each other. He came out to say that I am wrong, he is very interested and he then put more effort in. Only later on in the relationship he admitted that I was right and that he wasn't that interested due to having thoughts of another girl So he blatantly lied to keep me. Relationship crashed and burned. I wish I just left instead of saying anything at 2 months mark.
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