ThaWholigan Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 OK As most posters know, my dating life is nonexistent and pretty much has been that way all my life. However, I am still pretty happy with my lot . Call it youth (23) or plain delusion, but I do not feel I have much to be disappointed about in life, and perhaps much of my failings have been down to myself, and I own that. Anyway I digress...... The purpose of this thread is to just provide an insight into my plan of what I have been doing and also what I'm looking to do that takes my mind off of how badly not dating or not getting laid may be affecting my life. I'm doing this to provide suggestions for anyone else who may need to help cultivate a positive mindset towards life and dating. ------------------------------------------------------------ What I Do Now: 1) Chilling with my friends when I can these days. I am fortunate that during my school, college, uni years and many other functions I've been involved in, I have built up a fairly wide social circle. So I tend to talk to them and have fun about a lot of things. I have been a little busy lately so I have cooled in the social activities front, but I have my friends there that I can call upon. I never used to like going out to parties until I got older, now I love it, and I love going with my friends, or on my own as I can build up a new network of friends that way. Also to add to that, I am socializing with new people way more naturally now. I have for a while been very adept at making people feel at ease and, dare I say, I have developed something of a charisma that I didn't foresee myself building, which is heartening. 2) Business planning. As finding work is problematic, I figure it would be better for me to go the self-employed route. This has taken up a lot of my time recently, and something I'm becoming very passionate about. I love the idea of starting and creating things from scratch, so the idea of starting a business appeals to me, and I feel I may start more than one at some point. 3) Working on my music is extremely therapeutic. It's where I channel most of my energy from my experiences, thoughts and emotions. Whether I'm playing it on the piano or I'm writing it. My poems always reflect part of my psyche, no matter how far removed from my default state of being and I feel it's one of the more healthy ways of dealing with it. Creative expression is good for you IMO. Writing, playing music, acting even, any kind of artistic expression of some sort. What I'm Looking Forward To Doing: 1) Improving my physique and athleticism is becoming a central part of my future plans. I'm already aware of how physically capable I could become and much of my focus recently has been putting a plan in place for ensuring I have the time to do this. I'm extremely excited by this because despite the sedentary nature of the last few years of my life, whenever I have been physically active, it has greatly improved my mood in general and I feel much more upbeat. So improving body language, working out, getting fitter and more flexible, learning a martial art and taking up a sport. Just as creative expression is important for working off some of your energy, physical expression is also excellent I understand. 2) Learn new hobbies and skills. This also ties in with socializing as going to seminars and classes is a good way of killing two birds with one stone. I want to be able to draw, sing, act, learn more about science and technology and all sorts of other interests. In fact, I think I have too many interests if I'm honest. I'll be sure to take it one at a time. 21 days to success. Anyone know about this rule? Where if you do something everyday for 21 days it becomes a habit?? Think this is something I want to implement into my life too. 3) Travel. This may surprise some people but, I'm so broke that I've never been on holiday . The only time I've been out of England is for 6 hours I went to France on a one day school trip to Boulogne-sur-la-mere. I think traveling would be great for me, especially being a musician. One of my dreams is to go on a world tour . 4) Date more. Obviously. But I figure that the busier and more fruitful my life is, the better my dating life will actually be. My life will hopefully get more fulfilling and I will hopefully become happier and therefore it will be easier for me to cultivate more attractive attributes, ergo I will find is easier to find dates. This is not of complete central importance simply because I'm not doing all of the above simply to have a better dating life, I'm doing it for a better life, period. And a better dating life will probably come as a result of having a better life. ------------------------------------------------------------ So this is my plan for what I'm doing in the future that I feel negates my lack of a dating life. Anyone else feel free to contribute. Anyone is also free to use what I'm doing as a guideline, it would please me greatly 4
dasein Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 You are way ahead of the game. I have no doubt you will achieve whatever you seek.
Lobouspo Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Sounds good Wholigan, reading a prior post of yours you are approaching the honeys across the pond and gettin your confidence up, and working on all areas of your life. To be young and single in an international city! I can think of worse predicaments in life...
AD1980 Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Just waitign for the summer spending time in the sun outdoor bars etc.. Hope to travel alot.. While most of my friends are married i still am pretty close to most of them and a few of the couples im very close to and get support from.. As you said i think its important to have a social circle and a good group of friends especially if youre havign trouble getting dates so you dotn fele isolated and alone and you have people to lean on get advice from and you feel a sense of worth knowing people are about you and want to be a part of your life..I think SD needs that support system badly.. Also one of my friends is getting a divorce after finding out his wife cheated on him and was going out with the guy while they were married so i feel good helping him.. Plus it taught me the grass isnt always greener and being in a relationship doesnt guarantee happiness.. Sometimes you have to be thankful for what you do have because it can be taken away at anytime
FitChick Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 How about trying to find a job playing in a band on a cruise ship? See the world and get paid. 1
starla33 Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 How about trying to find a job playing in a band on a cruise ship? See the world and get paid. Totally agree that is the perfect age to travel. I was across the world at that age
amog4l Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 well do u want your dating life to improve or not? if you do, i suggest learning how to be better at meeting women. if not, i rather suggest you focus on making money and thinking about a career.
Author ThaWholigan Posted March 29, 2012 Author Posted March 29, 2012 (edited) You are way ahead of the game. I have no doubt you will achieve whatever you seek. Woo hoo!!! :bunny: You are awesome! You have a great outlook. Thank you all, much appreciated . well do u want your dating life to improve or not? if you do, i suggest learning how to be better at meeting women. if not, i rather suggest you focus on making money and thinking about a career. Well, I can always do both How about trying to find a job playing in a band on a cruise ship? See the world and get paid. Totally agree that is the perfect age to travel. I was across the world at that age I thought about that, still a possibility. I may look into that at some point, but hopefully the business also takes off. Sounds good Wholigan, reading a prior post of yours you are approaching the honeys across the pond and gettin your confidence up, and working on all areas of your life. To be young and single in an international city! I can think of worse predicaments in life... Yes, thank you indeed. She was a gorgeous girl, I've felt really good since then. Plus I got a few leads on my business ideas so will explore those in the next couple of days. You are right, there are worse predicaments...... Just waitign for the summer spending time in the sun outdoor bars etc.. Hope to travel alot.. While most of my friends are married i still am pretty close to most of them and a few of the couples im very close to and get support from.. As you said i think its important to have a social circle and a good group of friends especially if youre havign trouble getting dates so you dotn fele isolated and alone and you have people to lean on get advice from and you feel a sense of worth knowing people are about you and want to be a part of your life..I think SD needs that support system badly.. Also one of my friends is getting a divorce after finding out his wife cheated on him and was going out with the guy while they were married so i feel good helping him.. Plus it taught me the grass isnt always greener and being in a relationship doesnt guarantee happiness.. Sometimes you have to be thankful for what you do have because it can be taken away at anytime Thoughtful post. I like Getting a social life is important. It was very hard for me to get one too, and I did feel incredibly down about it, even developed a level of anxiety too. I was/am very goofy and a bit of an oddball and it definitely comes across quite prominently even though I'm much more relaxed and calm in my interactions now. Becoming comfortable with that and even adding more elements to my eccentric nature made me a multifaceted person and much more socially adept. Being autistic didn't help . Sensory problems, poor spatial awareness, lack of emotional understanding etc.....it wasn't easy! The only supposedly good thing that came of being autistic is that people think I'm a savant, and family+friends labeled me a prodigy as a youth (I'm not a savant .....prodigy maybe ) So to get to this point, requires work and the right mentality, which needs to be cultivated. Edited March 29, 2012 by ThaWholigan
AD1980 Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Thank you all, much appreciated . Well, I can always do both I thought about that, still a possibility. I may look into that at some point, but hopefully the business also takes off. Yes, thank you indeed. She was a gorgeous girl, I've felt really good since then. Plus I got a few leads on my business ideas so will explore those in the next couple of days. You are right, there are worse predicaments...... Thoughtful post. I like Getting a social life is important. It was very hard for me to get one too, and I did feel incredibly down about it, even developed a level of anxiety too. I was/am very goofy and a bit of an oddball and it definitely comes across quite prominently even though I'm much more relaxed and calm in my interactions now. Becoming comfortable with that and even adding more elements to my eccentric nature made me a multifaceted person and much more socially adept. Being autistic didn't help . Sensory problems, poor spatial awareness, lack of emotional understanding etc.....it wasn't easy! The only supposedly good thing that came of being autistic is that people think I'm a savant, and family+friends labeled me a prodigy as a youth (I'm not a savant .....prodigy maybe ) So to get to this point, requires work and the right mentality, which needs to be cultivated. Ive always been kinda shy and awkard as well,while i dont have hundreds of friends i have a few really close ones and a lot of acquaintances.. Im much better in smalll settings then with large groups of people where i tend to blend in..Im less shy when i get to know someone but approaching strangers or building a repoire with them right away isnt easy for me which is something i need to learn to do to approach and engage women which im trying to work on..
phineas Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 I'm sort of a recluse in the cold weather so things to keep me busy: Clean World of warcraft work on house clean (i'm lax on those chores sometimes) LOL! Oh and I have these things called kids 5 days a week so they kinda take up my time. I would not suggest having them just to have something to keep you busy though. they would make for an expensive hobby.
MrNate 2.0 Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 I approve of this thread. It's great to see some optimism around here. I always believe your time is best spent doing things that improve yourself, and put you in a state of having pure fun. Why waste time stressing, complaining, blaming, etc? It's nothing more than a waste of time and creates a perpetual cycle of negativity. I'll be hanging around this thread. The best of luck to you man.
Feelin Frisky Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Do all that and put yourself on Craig's List. Just be honest and say you're desperate for some ning nong and are totally innocuous otherwise and see if anyone else needs mercy sex.
ASG Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 How about trying to find a job playing in a band on a cruise ship? See the world and get paid. I can tell you right now, having worked for ships myself, being a muso on a cruise ship is a SWEET job! Seriously, those guys had so much free time it was unreal! And you get to see some AWESOME places! I think it's good that you have a positive outlook on things. Sometimes I look through these boards and it all feels like such a downer! Not having a great dating life is NOT the end of the world! My dating life sucks... Mostly because I don't really let people get close, so I'm fully aware it's MY problem. But I don't let that stop me from enjoying life! I have a great social life, lots of friends scattered all over (it happens when you move to a different country... and also when you work on ships), which is great for little getaways. I love my job. Loved working on ships, but am now trying to focus on land work, so have that to look forward to as well. So, yeah! Even though the dating life isn't amazing, my life is brilliant!
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