Cupcake Posted June 14, 2004 Posted June 14, 2004 My ex-boyfreind was so cleaver. When the LDR started, I suspected him of having been unfaithful or least dating other women. I loved him so much, I didn't blame him for anything, because I knew our distance was his reason for it. I understood him. And I trusted his intentions. So I attempted to share this with him in a very kind way. I offered for us to "just be friends" and keep all the benefits that we wanted for our relationship together. I gave him "permission" to date other women (cause I knew he was already doing it). But he denied that he'd been dating other women, or even thinking of dating other women. He refused to accept my "permission" to date other women. And he threatened that if I dated other men, he would break up with me. That was it. We didn't talk about that anymore. Until 5 or 6 months later when I grew tired of knowing that he was lying to me. I revealed evidence as proof of how I knew he was dating other women. He couldn't handle it. He confessed that he had been and would be dating other women for a while. He FORCED me to break up with him by demanding that I either accept him being involved with other women, or leave him alone. He assured me that this was normal in an LDR. I was just soooo upset knowing that I'd given him to opportunity to be "normal" in our LDR, earlier before things got out of hand. But he turned it down. I wanted to avoid feeling betrayed by him. And after I broke up with him, he begged me to remain "friends" with him while we both date other people. And eventually, we would decide to become serious again. But after a year of doing an LDR, he assured me that he no longer wanted to be seriously involved with me in an LDR. He said it was just to difficult for him. Why didn't he just accept my kindness, and understanding when I offered it? Why did he just string me along and make me angry? We could have been soo good for each other. He would have been one of the most honorable men I've known. Why did he make me hate him?
morrigan Posted June 14, 2004 Posted June 14, 2004 What were his motives? He enjoyed manipulating your emotions and dominating you. He also seemed to like keeping you dangling on the side while he explored other "options"--all the while expecting your firm fidelity to him. Selfishness and kindness do not go hand in hand. Was it the right thing to do? Absolutely not--and the right thing for you to do is move on and never date this jerk again. Don't let your hurt and hatred towards him wreck your life--view him as a kind of person you don't ever want to get involved with, and don't ever allow anyone to manipulate you in that way again. There are a lot of nice, honest guys out there who don't play games and don't have a double standard attitude towards relationships.
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