DisGai Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Hey all, My Ex broke up with me about 2 months ago after 2 years of dating (since senior year of high school), and we've stayed NC since. She left me bc she lost romantic feelings for me, and a guy who was chasing her had gotten her attention/attraction. I don't believe that they are "dating" yet, but who knows? I was home last week for spring break while she was still at school, and she suddenly called me at 4AM. I ignored it and went back to sleep. 15 minutes later, she called again. I ignored it and went back to sleep. Was it a butt-dial? Probably not. At first, this made me hopeful that she misses me and that the new guy was insufficient, but I realized it wasn't smart/healthy for me to garner false hope, possibly. Her calling me set me back a bit (made me start stalking again after two weeks of resisting), but I've been slowly picking myself up again. But yesterday, she texted me not once but three times throughout the day and tried to call me at the end of the day. I ignored all. One of her messages asked me how long I was going to ignore her for. She is currently on her spring break, so I'm guessing she's lonely and thinking about me more while at home (nobody else back at home has the same spring break as her). I totally saw it coming; I knew she'd try to contact me while she's home. I'm set on staying NC unless she makes it clear that she made a mistake by leaving me. But her trying to contact me is throwing me off. Ideally, I want to move on, but I feel like she will grow further apart eventually if I keep ignoring her. And something inside of me doesn't want to let go and lose the opportunity to get her back. What could she possibly have to say to me to be contacting me so adamantly? My friend suggests that I keep ignoring until she lays out a clear objective. Bc otherwise she's just leaving breadcrumbs. I agree. Any thoughts?
AriesBunny Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Let go! Ignore her! Do not respond! You two are young'ins in the dating world. Go out, explore, stop and smell the flowers, forget her. 1
veggirl Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Your friends are right. And I agree you two are very young, you have many other girls in your future. Your ex probably realized the new guy isn't as fabulous as she first thought and is now missing what she had. Too bad for her, isn't it? Keep NC!
Author DisGai Posted March 29, 2012 Author Posted March 29, 2012 Too bad for her indeed. But I have a feeling that we can work again. Just not now. I need time to be myself.
Senateguy Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Something happened with that guy. They got in a fight and she was probably drunk so she panicked and reached out for her security blanket. There was no epiphany that happened at 4 a.m. The dude she was screwing flaked or bailed on her.
Author DisGai Posted March 29, 2012 Author Posted March 29, 2012 (edited) Hahaha I really doubt that. She was probably doing homework late at night (art school) and was tired -> lonely -> vulnerable and wanted to "check up" on me slash relieve guilt. But why exactly am I ignoring her? I feel like I'm just following the "healthy steps for the dumpee" NC protocol without much thought. I'm starting to feel that I want to text her something like this: "I need you to stop trying to contact me, because I don't feel ready to interact with you. I want to move on with my life." This is going to sound conceited, but I know she knows what she's missing. My stupid mind's been trying to persuade me that she temporarily lost attraction for me, but she will come running back to me. Edited March 30, 2012 by DisGai
Author DisGai Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 (edited) Bump.. Do I just ignore her forever? What if her repeated attempts to contact me means something? The next time she tries to contact me, I really want to straight up ask "What exactly do you want out of talking to me?" and perhaps she'll respond by saying "I want to see how you're doing," to which I would just respond "fine." Then I'd know that she's just trying to relieve her guilt or get an ego boost. But perhaps it isn't just a breadcrumb text, you know? Is it absolutely "incorrect" according to the "NC protocol" that I confirm whether or not she has something else on her mind? I've been building up some (possibly and probably false) hope, and it's really not doing me any good. I'd rather get shut down right now so I can move on quicker. Thoughts? Comments? Edited March 31, 2012 by DisGai
Frank13 Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 Do I just ignore her forever? What if her repeated attempts to contact me means something? Unless she says she made a mistake and wants you back, everything else is just bread crumbs. There is no secret code that you have to break. If she wants you back she will say so. Don't go looking for hidden meanings or false hope that isn't there. The next time she tries to contact me, I really want to straight up ask "What exactly do you want out of talking to me?" and perhaps she'll respond by saying "I want to see how you're doing," to which I would just respond "fine." Then I'd know that she's just trying to relieve her guilt or get an ego boost. But perhaps it isn't just a breadcrumb text, you know? Is it absolutely "incorrect" according to the "NC protocol" that I confirm whether or not she has something else on her mind? I've been building up some (possibly and probably false) hope, and it's really not doing me any good. I'd rather get shut down right now so I can move on quicker. Thoughts? Comments? You should just stay NC because she is answering all your questions. She doesn't say she wants you back. If you want, you can ask her what she wants. Then when she doesn't tell you she wants you back, you go NC. But, don't ask her "What do you want out of talking to me"? You are just being a doormat to consider the possibility of talking to her if it meets some criteria of yours. If she doesn't want you, go NC.
Author DisGai Posted April 1, 2012 Author Posted April 1, 2012 Unless she says she made a mistake and wants you back, everything else is just bread crumbs. There is no secret code that you have to break. If she wants you back she will say so. Don't go looking for hidden meanings or false hope that isn't there. You should just stay NC because she is answering all your questions. She doesn't say she wants you back. If you want, you can ask her what she wants. Then when she doesn't tell you she wants you back, you go NC. But, don't ask her "What do you want out of talking to me"? You are just being a doormat to consider the possibility of talking to her if it meets some criteria of yours. If she doesn't want you, go NC. Yeah I don't want her messages to manipulate me into looking for hidden meanings or false hope. That's why I want/need to ask her what she wants. What about this the next time she tries contacting me? "Is this important? Because I'm not ready to talk to you."
Recommended Posts