TheSingleGuy Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I've read that women are pretty much swept off their feet by the guy who approaches in real life and asks for the number. One girl I dated, I asked her, if a guy asks for your number, is that a newsworthy event? I mean, do all your close friends end up hearing about it? She said yes. Because it doesn't happen that often. This girl was average looking, 27 years old. Not smoking hot, but certainly beautiful and definitely not ugly. One of my best friends, after I got divorced, he started seeing how much fun I was having dating women again. This guy, in real life, would never have the "game" to approach women. He was married but then he started doing the On Line Dating thing behind his wife's back. Next thing you know, he's sleeping with 3 women behind his wife's back. Then he divorced her. I just don't get it. I've always refused to do on line dating. It seems like, as a guy, it takes balls to approach a woman you don't know and express sexual interest. Ladies, you don't realize it, but that is NOT an easy thing to do. To say it's challenging is an understatement. About a year ago, I was on this restaurant patio and a really beautiful woman and I started talking. She was cold as ice. She explained that she had just put her profile up online earlier that day and within a matter of hours, she had over 50 e-mails from men who wanted to date her. Of course, my "cold approach" wasn't received well and I think this online dating thing had a lot to do with it. How could she possibly appreciate any guy who approaches her when she just got the ego boost of a lifetime from over 50 different guys??? Ladies, did it ever occur to you, the loser, coward guys doing online dating don't have the stones to approach real women in real life??? Is that really attractive to you??? They are literally sitting behind a keyboard, not taking any chances at all, trying to be sexy. I just don't see how a woman could find this behavior sexually attractive. From my perspective, OLD has ruined marriages that would have otherwise never been ruined. And OLD has made women way less appreciative of the men who have the stones to approach in real life and express interest. And it's also enabled guys with no game to multi-date, which is probably, really multi-sleeping in most cases. I just can't think of one positive thing to say about OLD. Call me old fashioned. 1
oaks Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Ladies, did it ever occur to you, the loser, coward guys doing online dating don't have the stones to approach real women in real life??? I'm sure some of them are like this. Some of us also approach women in real life. And it's also enabled guys with no game to multi-date, which is probably, really multi-sleeping in most cases. The guys with no game don't get many second dates and even fewer third dates, even if OLD gets them a first one. If all those women are getting some bedroom action that fast, and it's a concern for them, perhaps they should keep their legs closed a little longer until an exclusive committed relationship (in your old fashioned terms this may be called "boyfriend/girlfriend") is established. Why are you concerned that some people are having sex? I just can't think of one positive thing to say about OLD. Call me old fashioned. You're old fashioned, but it was a good rant. 1
Andy_K Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 You kind of sound like the RIAA throwing their toys out of the pram because their old fashioned model of doing things is rapidly being usurped by the internet. Move with the times. For my part, online dating allows me to meet people I'd otherwise never encounter, and know quite a lot about them before I even write a message. Given how difficult it can be to find someone who's on the right wavelength, I'm afraid I can only see that as a good thing.
serial muse Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 From my perspective, OLD has ruined marriages that would have otherwise never been ruined. And OLD has made women way less appreciative of the men who have the stones to approach in real life and express interest. And it's also enabled guys with no game to multi-date, which is probably, really multi-sleeping in most cases. I just can't think of one positive thing to say about OLD. Call me old fashioned. You make some interesting points...I hadn't thought about the idea that women could get inured to cold RL approaches by being inundated with cyber-hellos. Still seems a bit extreme to me, though...I don't personally know women who've done online dating who would then give a cold shoulder to RL men. I'm sure it happens, but I'm also sure there are people who just see it as one more way to meet people. So that might just be a matter of the woman's personality, in which case...important safety tip. I also don't agree that OLD has ruined marriages that would otherwise be intact. No way. People who want to cheat find a way - whether it's just by picking up people in bars, going into online chat rooms, or just hitting on someone at work. There's always a venue available to those who want it.
RedRobin Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I'm not a fan of OLD, but not for the reasons you mentioned. I do feel that OLD has taken away some of the need and desire for some people to meet more 'organically' IRL.. out and about doing things they enjoy and in broad daylight. Broad daylight, meaning, where there are likely bigger consequences for being a douche. And I think I spelled out what equals 'douche' to me in another thread... I really don't have the patience for OLD just for that very reason.... and I don't need the validation of 50 dates a day or whatever to make me feel like a valuable person. Will say though, OkC has been very helpful in sorting out where I may move next. The underlying demographic data is a gold mine and says alot about the dating 'climate' in my next chosen spot.
carhill Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I used and use OLD to meet ostensibly single women. I have/had no issues approaching women IRL but in my area the vast majority are married/LTR, so OLD held/holds out a greater chance of approaching a single woman. I've yet to meet a married woman online. All those, MW's included, have been IRL. YMMV.
RedRobin Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I suspect my attitude about OLD may change once I move to a different area... Where I live now is pretty much a company town and also near the state capital. Pretty blue-collar and state-worker-ish. Nothing wrong with that...but they don't tend to take well to overachieving tom boys. Will second Carhill's statement that I've never come across a married man online. It's more along the lines of guys with various addiction issues (past or present), rebounding from a divorce, or just gun shy about relationships in general and so the need to 'play' is a bit too strong for them at this point in their life to be a good match for me. I'm pretty far past my divorce so finding anyone OL or IRL where I'm at is pretty unlikely. Not like I'm waiting for the fish to jump into the boat. I'm just not holding my breath.
Author TheSingleGuy Posted March 29, 2012 Author Posted March 29, 2012 +++I also don't agree that OLD has ruined marriages that would otherwise be intact. No way. People who want to cheat find a way - whether it's just by picking up people in bars, going into online chat rooms, or just hitting on someone at work. There's always a venue available to those who want it.+++ I can tell you, without a doubt, no hesitation in making this statement, my friend of 20 years...there is absolutely no way in the world he would have been able to cheat on his wife without OLD. No way in hell. He's way too shy. It just wouldn't have happened. He admits himself, now that he's divorced, he's never gonna approach in real life. Why would he? He doesn't need to. He doesn't want to. Now, he's multi-sleeping with several women, thanks to OLD. He really thinks he's quite the "player". Before OLD, there was actually something admirable about the guy who was able to bed multiple women. Now, after seeing this, it's taken on a whole new disgusting aura in my eyes. Any guy can do that now. It used to be only the really desirable guys could do that and they were looked up to by other men. Not so much anymore. As for the women who say posting your pic online and having interest from 50 men in an hour or two..saying that doesn't effect the way you appreciate a man's real life approach. I call BULL****. There is NO WAY that doesn't effect a woman psychologically or subconsciously. Shame on these men (aka cowards) for contributing to this pathetic condition. 1
gotye Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 i am trying OLD cause the guys who approach me generally aren't my type... but after getting 3+ new messages a day from random guys... having 3 dates lined up within the first week of using it... I am done... dating shouldn't be this frickin fast and time consuming.... I will check my msg inbox once in a while and see if anyone looks attractive who messages me... but otherwise, it's too much too fast UGH
Ruby Slippers Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I love being approached out and about. In fact, it is my favorite way to meet new men. And I am ALWAYS nice to them, as long as they're not jerks making sexual comments or something. Even if I'm not interested, I will still be sweet because I think it's wonderful to see people flirting and going for it. I would never want to discourage a guy from doing that. I think the world would be a funner, better place if more guys approached and more women were kind to them in their approaches, no matter their interest level. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 i am trying OLD cause the guys who approach me generally aren't my type... but after getting 3+ new messages a day from random guys... having 3 dates lined up within the first week of using it... I am done... dating shouldn't be this frickin fast and time consuming.... I will check my msg inbox once in a while and see if anyone looks attractive who messages me... but otherwise, it's too much too fast UGH I'm about to try online dating for the first time, and I have two scary scenarios in mind: Nobody messages me. I get dozens of messages and date requests immediately, then have to figure out how to handle them all courteously. I have no idea which one it will be. lol
Author TheSingleGuy Posted March 29, 2012 Author Posted March 29, 2012 (edited) Ruby, you will get blasted with e-mails immediately. My friend, who is getting pretty good at getting first dates via OLD watches for new girls to show up. It's easier to get a first date with a new one. It really does make men, in general, look pathetic. Edited March 29, 2012 by TheSingleGuy
zengirl Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Ruby, You'll get tons of emails because, as I recall, you're pretty much a hottie. I've read that women are pretty much swept off their feet by the guy who approaches in real life and asks for the number. Really? I mean, like Ruby I was/am generally nice to men who approach me (didn't flirt if I wasn't interested and especially don't flirt now, that I'm married --- I have joint pain in my fingers and often cannot wear the wedding ring there when it flares up; I never wore any rings before, so it still does happen, though it doesn't get to the "number" part, of course), but I never found it THAT flattering and can honestly say it never "swept me off my feet." One girl I dated, I asked her, if a guy asks for your number, is that a newsworthy event? I mean, do all your close friends end up hearing about it? She said yes. Because it doesn't happen that often. I think this depends on where you are. I often got approached in social settings -- out in social groups, in the beer bar I frequented, at the comedy club I often went to, etc. -- when I was out and single. I wouldn't find that newsworthy. I also often got approached at the gym or grocery store and still do sometimes (I don't work out in a gym per se but I go to various athletic classes regularly -- right now, it's yoga and paddleboarding). Guys seem to fixate on those two places, so maybe working out or buying food are good times to pick someone up, I don't know. I think it also matters where you live. Some places, it's bound to happen much less frequently. And the fact that I generally look approachable and was usually willing to talk to strangers probably impacted that. Most of the approaches I found newsworthy were so because they were inappropriate -- the guy said something rude or approached me in a blatantly inappropriate setting. I just don't get it. I've always refused to do on line dating. It seems like, as a guy, it takes balls to approach a woman you don't know and express sexual interest. Ladies, you don't realize it, but that is NOT an easy thing to do. To say it's challenging is an understatement. It depends on the person HOW challenging it is, but of course it's nerve-wracking. I've approached oodles of men throughout the years too. The more you do it, the easier it is. It's easier to approach online, yes, because you have more of an idea of what you're going for and aren't standing right there in person. I don't think that makes approaching IRL inherently "better." I think many guys, as oaks said, do both. But yes, like Ruby, I think it's important to recognize (as long as the person isn't rude in some way) that someone approaching you had to work up the nerve to do it and be reasonably kind to them. About a year ago, I was on this restaurant patio and a really beautiful woman and I started talking. She was cold as ice. She explained that she had just put her profile up online earlier that day and within a matter of hours, she had over 50 e-mails from men who wanted to date her. Of course, my "cold approach" wasn't received well and I think this online dating thing had a lot to do with it. How could she possibly appreciate any guy who approaches her when she just got the ego boost of a lifetime from over 50 different guys??? That seems a weird REASON to be cold. I know many women who are cold to "cold approaches" but it's usually not about OLD. Ladies, did it ever occur to you, the loser, coward guys doing online dating don't have the stones to approach real women in real life??? Is that really attractive to you??? They are literally sitting behind a keyboard, not taking any chances at all, trying to be sexy. I just don't see how a woman could find this behavior sexually attractive. Hell, I approached my hubby (in this case, it was online, though I've approached many men IRL). Did it ever occur to you that not all women find it a big factor in attraction whether or not a guy feels comfortable cold-approaching her? Generalizing, I can say for sure that the men who constantly cold-approached me were not the type of guy I wanted to date and very few dates with men who did so went well (of those who I could even consider dating). Perhaps not ALL women are attracted to that quality. I found that most of the guys approaching me were more materialistic, beauty-focused, workout-focused, aggressive, more cynical, and less intellectual, warm, and empathetic than the men I chose to date and the man I chose to marry. Note: This is not to say it's true of ALL men who approach (I don't actually think that) but I do often think that certain appearances draw certain things. What my appearance drew, in cold-approaches, was very much not for me. And OLD has made women way less appreciative of the men who have the stones to approach in real life and express interest. And it's also enabled guys with no game to multi-date, which is probably, really multi-sleeping in most cases. I just can't think of one positive thing to say about OLD. Call me old fashioned. OLD enabled my marriage to occur, so I can say that's one positive thing for it. It's also allowed people to feel comfortable approaching others when they otherwise wouldn't (it's the ONLY way some women I know will approach men). It probably allows more introverted people a new avenue for socialization, and it allows you to see and meet people you'd otherwise never find out. I think the best strategy is a combination of both OLD and IRL dating and looking for love wherever you find it. I'm sorry if you feel like OLD is a bane on your life, but I don't necessarily think the "men who have the stones" type arguments are compelling. The truth is, not all women base the value of a man on how aggressive he is.
FitChick Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Men I've dated generally date in real life and online. It depends on changing circumstances, i.e living in London surrounded by people, then moving to an isolated country cottage in Cumbria.
paloma22 Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I have an account on OkCupid, filled it out a bit with movie interests/ details about my life and what I'm doing. But I have no picture up, just my height, no other physical details other than my age. So, I only email guys I'm interested in, and I sometimes receive random emails from guys, but nothing exciting. I have one date lined up, and after that, I may post a pic to see what happens (isn't OLD funny?) and ya, like someone said, it could be interesting to see the differences post- picture. But heres the thing... I HATE the idea of having people i know see me on this site. There is a guy i know that is on the site, so i can only imagine there are others. Does anyone not feel the slightest bit, erm, embarrassed about being on it? For reference, I'm 24. I think if I did put up a pic, I would take down a few details about myself.
ariadne999 Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Ladies, you don't realize it, but that is NOT an easy thing to do. To say it's challenging is an understatement. some of us HAVE asked men out. AND been rejected. So yes, we do know. It's even harder for us then you, since we come across as desperate or slutty to ask a man out. Yet if we don't then we're labled "Selfish entitled princesses" lose lose. He was married but then he started doing the On Line Dating thing behind his wife's back. Next thing you know, he's sleeping with 3 women behind his wife's back. Then he divorced her. yup. Ive met (and ****ed) many married men I met OLD. Most of them, I didn't find out they were married until AFTER sex. Others were hot enough I didn't care. Call me old fashioned. why? I'd rather call you many other names that fit almost all of your gender. Idiot is one of the first that comes to mind.
ascendotum Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 i am trying OLD cause the guys who approach me generally aren't my type... but after getting 3+ new messages a day from random guys... having 3 dates lined up within the first week of using it... I am done... dating shouldn't be this frickin fast and time consuming.... I will check my msg inbox once in a while and see if anyone looks attractive who messages me... but otherwise, it's too much too fast UGH Huh, you're complaining becuase its giving you too many options. (I wonder how many other women are like this) 30 odd messages a week is not exactly 'gang busters' given some of the experiences I have heard from women I know or female journos testing out OLD for an article, but its pretty damn great as far as the average guy is concerned. You are writing it off after just one week, thats crazy. Its kind of like the women I know who have gone on one OLD date, and the guy has been a little creepy or pushed for sex too quick, they freak out and write OLD off altogether because of 1 bad experience. Most guys would love to have 'the drama' of flicking through 30 women's profiles each week, that had contacted them & were keen to meet them, even if they yielded only 10% that were appealing. You are in the drivers seat...just pick 1 guy for 1 date a week...there's going to be a bunch more msgs there the following week for you to choose 1 guy from for another date that weekend.
Cypress25 Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I've read that women are pretty much swept off their feet by the guy who approaches in real life and asks for the number. It depends on the guy. If I like the guy who approaches me in real life and asks for my number, of course I'll happily give it to him. But if I don't like the guy, his approach won't sweep me off my feet. I just don't get it. I've always refused to do on line dating. It seems like, as a guy, it takes balls to approach a woman you don't know and express sexual interest. Ladies, you don't realize it, but that is NOT an easy thing to do. To say it's challenging is an understatement. We do realize how hard it is to approach women and express romantic interest. I can appreciate the amount of effort and courage it takes to do that. About a year ago, I was on this restaurant patio and a really beautiful woman and I started talking. She was cold as ice. She explained that she had just put her profile up online earlier that day and within a matter of hours, she had over 50 e-mails from men who wanted to date her. Of course, my "cold approach" wasn't received well and I think this online dating thing had a lot to do with it. How could she possibly appreciate any guy who approaches her when she just got the ego boost of a lifetime from over 50 different guys??? She wasn't cold because of all the attention she was getting from guys online. She was cold because she wasn't interested in you. She probably wasn't even interested in the 50 guys who emailed her. Believe it or not, it's not an ego boost to get inundated with generic copy & paste messages from guys who are too lazy to even read your profile. As a woman, I'd rather get one email from a guy who interests me than 50 emails from 50 immature losers who don't interest me at all. Ladies, did it ever occur to you, the loser, coward guys doing online dating don't have the stones to approach real women in real life??? Is that really attractive to you??? They are literally sitting behind a keyboard, not taking any chances at all, trying to be sexy. I just don't see how a woman could find this behavior sexually attractive. Most guys who do OLD are also approaching women in real life. It's not like you have to choose one or the other, you can do both. They're just using OLD to increase their chances of meeting someone, they're not relying on it exclusively. They do OLD in addition to real-life approaches, not instead of real-life approaches. The guys I met from OLD were not losers or cowards; they were just normal guys. OLD has made women way less appreciative of the men who have the stones to approach in real life and express interest. That's not true. OLD has nothing to do with how I feel about the guys who approach me in real life. If I like the guy, I'll appreciate his approach, whether it's online or in real life. If I don't like the guy, I won't appreciate his approach, whether it's online or in real life. And it's also enabled guys with no game to multi-date, which is probably, really multi-sleeping in most cases. That's not true either. If the guy has no social skills and no talent with women, that will become apparent on the first date, and he won't get a second date. Women don't sleep with every guy they date, you know. And women don't date every guy who emails them on a dating site.
PhillyDude Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 It depends on the guy. If I like the guy who approaches me in real life and asks for my number, of course I'll happily give it to him. But if I don't like the guy, his approach won't sweep me off my feet. We do realize how hard it is to approach women and express romantic interest. I can appreciate the amount of effort and courage it takes to do that. She wasn't cold because of all the attention she was getting from guys online. She was cold because she wasn't interested in you. She probably wasn't even interested in the 50 guys who emailed her. Believe it or not, it's not an ego boost to get inundated with generic copy & paste messages from guys who are too lazy to even read your profile. As a woman, I'd rather get one email from a guy who interests me than 50 emails from 50 immature losers who don't interest me at all. Most guys who do OLD are also approaching women in real life. It's not like you have to choose one or the other, you can do both. They're just using OLD to increase their chances of meeting someone, they're not relying on it exclusively. They do OLD in addition to real-life approaches, not instead of real-life approaches. The guys I met from OLD were not losers or cowards; they were just normal guys. That's not true. OLD has nothing to do with how I feel about the guys who approach me in real life. If I like the guy, I'll appreciate his approach, whether it's online or in real life. If I don't like the guy, I won't appreciate his approach, whether it's online or in real life. That's not true either. If the guy has no social skills and no talent with women, that will become apparent on the first date, and he won't get a second date. Women don't sleep with every guy they date, you know. And women don't date every guy who emails them on a dating site. Sounds like dating sites will always be around because of your posts. lol
Feelsgoodman Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Ladies, did it ever occur to you, the loser, coward guys doing online dating don't have the stones to approach real women in real life??? Is that really attractive to you??? They are literally sitting behind a keyboard, not taking any chances at all, trying to be sexy. I just don't see how a woman could find this behavior sexually attractive. From my perspective, OLD has ruined marriages that would have otherwise never been ruined. And OLD has made women way less appreciative of the men who have the stones to approach in real life and express interest. And it's also enabled guys with no game to multi-date, which is probably, really multi-sleeping in most cases. I just can't think of one positive thing to say about OLD. Call me old fashioned. You sound like a bit of a loser yourself. Butt-hurt over the fact that some married guy is banging three chicks he met online while you are jerking off every night because women are not receptive to your cold approaches despite your supposedly huge "stones". Here's a fact of life. If you are a high value male, you don't have chase women. They will basically be chasing after you. All you need to do is play along. But if you're a loser, you are going to get shut down both on and off-line. 1
Feelsgoodman Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 some of us HAVE asked men out. AND been rejected. So yes, we do know. It's even harder for us then you, since we come across as desperate or slutty to ask a man out. Only in your own twisted mind.
starla33 Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 You sound like a bit of a loser yourself. Butt-hurt over the fact that some married guy is banging three chicks he met online while you are jerking off every night because women are not receptive to your cold approaches despite your supposedly huge "stones". Here's a fact of life. If you are a high value male, you don't have chase women. They will basically be chasing after you. All you need to do is play along. But if you're a loser, you are going to get shut down both on and off-line. To be honest I agree that online dating has kind of ruined relationships and marriages(cheating websites). It is MUCH easier for a man to go and cheat on his wife these days with a click of a button. I'm ALL for guys approaching and real life. I respect that so much and it shows confidence. The guys I have met online have told me flat out they never approach guys at bars....maybe this is why my online dating experiences never work out? Something is just off.
Feelsgoodman Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 I'm ALL for guys approaching and real life. I respect that so much and it shows confidence. The guys I have met online have told me flat out they never approach guys at bars....maybe this is why my online dating experiences never work out? Something is just off. You like the ego boost you get from being hit on in real life, I get it. But from the guy's standpoint, there's little pleasure in being your ego booster, epecially when it does not lead to a positive outcome. Thanks to online fating, guys don't have to put themselves out there as much. Messaging someone online is less stressful than approaching a stranger in person. And less stress is a good thing, IMO. But if you like real life approaches so much, you are more then welcome to start approaching men yourself.
starla33 Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 You like the ego boost you get from being hit on in real life, I get it. But from the guy's standpoint, there's little pleasure in being your ego booster, epecially when it does not lead to a positive outcome. Thanks to online fating, guys don't have to put themselves out there as much. Messaging someone online is less stressful than approaching a stranger in person. And less stress is a good thing, IMO. But if you like real life approaches so much, you are more then welcome to start approaching men yourself. I respect in person approaches because I worked with coaches that taught guys how to do that. I saw how hard it was for them. It's not about my ego at all. It just makes me respect the non douchey ones that put themselves out there like that.
Feelsgoodman Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 I respect in person approaches because I worked with coaches that taught guys how to do that. I saw how hard it was for them. It's not about my ego at all. It just makes me respect the non douchey ones that put themselves out there like that. But why turn dating into such an unpleasant experience that you have to hire a coach and force yourself to do something you normally wouldn't do? Isn't dating supposed to be fun??
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