louielove Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 (edited) This is my first post here, but this seems like a great community so I'm hoping I can get some good advice! Everyone seems like a big family here. Anyway, I've been attracted to a friend for a few years now, and I finally decided to ball up and ask her out. It went terrible, and now things have been really weird. I know it was probably a bad idea, but I just couldn't stand it anymore. I'm worried I lost the friendship. I've read some advice (online), but I can't help but wonder if it's mostly crap. Any thoughts? I can't be the only person who's dealt with this. My logical brain tells me I just need to sever, but I would really like to avoid that if possible. Edited March 29, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edited commercial link.
RainMann Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Listen to your logical Male brain and sever the ties. You know what they say, "if you love it, let it go and if it loves you, it will come back". Start detaching emotionally from this female. Also, don't let her back in to your life until you do. Tell her you need to be by your self for a wile to balance things out.
counterman Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 hi there And welcome to LS! First of all, don't beat yourself up over it. It wasn't really a 'bad idea' because now you're not wondering 'what if'. I've said this once before and it did get weird... in fact, our friendship pretty much ended soon afterwards. But the thing you have to consider is, is she really such a good friend if she doesn't want to be your friend after you said that? Talk to other girls! Ask other girls out as well. Give that a go and see what happens. As for her, keep things civil and try to talk to her normally. I wouldn't hang around her too much if it is really 'weird'. Plus I wouldn't recommend hanging around a girl you're interested in if she doesn't want to date you. Hope that helps.
Professor X Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I know it was probably a bad idea, but I just couldn't stand it anymore. I'm worried I lost the friendship. It was a good idea, you can't live in hopes she'd one day love you back, you just can't. You need to be able to move on with your life as soon as possible. Just take it as a harsh lesson, next time you fall for someone, don't wait so long, especially not years. And as for your friendship, it's best if you do lose it, cause you honestly need to move on. You sound young, so I get it that everything looks so extreme to you (like: I will never find someone as good as her) - but in reality, you will, the moment you forget about her.
TheFinalWord Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 This is my first post here, but this seems like a great community so I'm hoping I can get some good advice! Everyone seems like a big family here. Anyway, I've been attracted to a friend for a few years now, and I finally decided to ball up and ask her out. It went terrible, and now things have been really weird. I know it was probably a bad idea, but I just couldn't stand it anymore. I'm worried I lost the friendship. I've read some advice (online), but I can't help but wonder if it's mostly crap. Any thoughts? I can't be the only person who's dealt with this. My logical brain tells me I just need to sever, but I would really like to avoid that if possible. Others gave great advice. Most women have had this happen to them. They know the pain and it makes them feel bad they don't like you. To compensate they will just ignore you so they don't have to deal with thinking about the way they made you feel. It wasn't a bad idea. What were you going to do? Live in quite desperation for many more years? At the end of the day if you have romantic feelings for a woman, you can't really be just friends. The only way it's possible is if you lose your feelings for her and can hang around her with no hopes for anything more. For example, she is with another guy and you can hang out with her without the remotest sense of jealousy. That's not likely to happen anytime soon. Best to cut off all ties. Out of sight (including Fbook and the rest) out of mind!
grkBoy Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 This is my first post here, but this seems like a great community so I'm hoping I can get some good advice! Everyone seems like a big family here. Anyway, I've been attracted to a friend for a few years now, and I finally decided to ball up and ask her out. It went terrible, and now things have been really weird. I know it was probably a bad idea, but I just couldn't stand it anymore. I'm worried I lost the friendship. I've read some advice (online), but I can't help but wonder if it's mostly crap. Any thoughts? I can't be the only person who's dealt with this. My logical brain tells me I just need to sever, but I would really like to avoid that if possible. It's up to you. Do you still want to be her friend, knowing you have no shot? If the answer is "yes", then have a serious talk with her. Tell her you are perfectly fine with how things ended up and will hold no ill will on her. You think she's a beautiful woman, and thus wanted to take a chance. However, since you know she's not interested, you'll simply move on with that ideology, but would like to remain friends. Basically let her know you won't be trying for her again. That you're her friend and you'll send your romantic affections towards someone else when you meet her. You have to mean it though. That means if you see her hook up with some other guy (even if you think he's a swine), you have to let it go and not sit there jealous or anything. You have to be "just a friend" and not hope something more can happen. Now if you really wanted her for "more", and can't fathom doing "just friends", then move on and cut social ties. Be cordial and polite with her, but don't be her "buddy".
g450 Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 How would I handle it? Ignore her and persue somebody else. Pour a cold one...NEXT! Too many other women out there to deal with being friendzoned.
Desinova Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 Move on bro, find someone else. Don't talk to her, don't be rude, just avoid her.
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