RainMann Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 They string you along just to flake and disappear when you want to meet, but fine chatting you up for days and weeks. How can i tell that these chicks are just there for en ego boost and not to date?
Pasttense Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Insist on a date. Quit chatting if they don't go out on one. 1
Lobouspo Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 When I did OLD, I would propose meeting after no more than a few exchanged messages. If you get the run around after this, just move on to the next one. When you think about it, it really should not be a big deal meeting someone for coffee or lunch 2
starla33 Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 They string you along just to flake and disappear when you want to meet, but fine chatting you up for days and weeks. How can i tell that these chicks are just there for en ego boost and not to date? You would be surprised how many guys do this as well. I've had tons go omg you are so hot blah blah lets go out. Then when I try to make plans they magically disappear. 1
veggirl Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 don't LET them chat you up for weeks. A couple emails, then ask for the # or a coffee meet. If they say no, move onto the next. Easy peasy 1
AriesBunny Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Ask for a meeting, and when they skip the question and continue chatting; you found your attention whore. 1
FitChick Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 This isn't always possible if someone lives far away. I don't expect someone to book a flight after one phone call, though some have wanted to.
LexiB Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Outside of extenuating circumstances, the first date should be within a few days to a week, tops, after starting to talk. Any longer than that = someone looking for a pen pal, not a real life connection. 2
Mantis Toboggan Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 This isn't always possible if someone lives far away. I don't expect someone to book a flight after one phone call, though some have wanted to. That's interesting. Why are you talking to people who are a flight away from where you live? I envision months of talking followed up by an in-person meetup that doesn't live up to the hype.
Sith Apprentice Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Here's a system that has always worked for me. When it comes to OLD I simply dump them at the first hint of flakiness. I always ask for a phone number within 2-3 back and forth messages. If a woman isn't willing to give up her number after 3 messages then I delete/block/close match. You'll also run into situations where women will give you their number, but they never answer their phone or call you back when you leave a message. I follow the 2 strike rule with these situations. If I call a woman twice and she doesn't return my messages I delete her number out of my phone and cease all online contact. If I get her on the phone I will ask her for a simple drink date within 1-2 phone conversations. If she cancels on me without an extremely good excuse I delete her number out of my phone. 3
FitChick Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 That's interesting. Why are you talking to people who are a flight away from where you live? I envision months of talking followed up by an in-person meetup that doesn't live up to the hype. I am looking for someone special to marry so I don't let geography limit me. The distance helps separate the wheat from the chaff, the serious from the silly. Years ago I even got engaged to someone who lived in another country. Plenty of people do these days. It's called globalization! You might want to read that thread I posted about successful online dating. 1
Mantis Toboggan Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I am looking for someone special to marry so I don't let geography limit me. The distance helps separate the wheat from the chaff, the serious from the silly. Years ago I even got engaged to someone who lived in another country. Plenty of people do these days. It's called globalization! You might want to read that thread I posted about successful online dating. Wow. That's intense.
ponsettia Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 That's interesting. Why are you talking to people who are a flight away from where you live? I live in a small rural area that was devastated by The Famine, many of the people around here are related to each other (2nd cousins and so on) it's hard to find a fella around here who isn't an 80y/o bachelor, his married brother, or their nephew who's not interested in me. OLD gives me the chance to meet men outside of my social strata. I am very wary of a man who demands my phone number, or a meet up, in the first few messages exchanged. What's the damn rush?
PlumPrincess Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I live in a small rural area that was devastated by The Famine, many of the people around here are related to each other (2nd cousins and so on) it's hard to find a fella around here who isn't an 80y/o bachelor, his married brother, or their nephew who's not interested in me. OLD gives me the chance to meet men outside of my social strata. I am very wary of a man who demands my phone number, or a meet up, in the first few messages exchanged. What's the damn rush? I've met quite a couple of people from the internet (not only dating sites) in my life and the best thing to do is to meet as soon as possible. People can be so different from their pictures. And intellectual and emotional compatibility is all fine, but I want physical attraction as well. Sometimes I get turned off just by hearing someone's voice. If you want to have a relationship with a real person, you have to meet them. Besides, what's so horrible about meeting people from the internet? If you're at a party, you also talk to others in order to get to know them. What's so different about a person you met online?
RedRobin Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 (edited) To the OP, you could have a few chats then ask them what their style is. You could say that it is important for you to see them in person sooner rather than later and see what they say. If you are at a distance, you could try Skype or something like that. I have a question for the people who need to seal the deal ASAP. What exactly are planning to do once you see them? If the date goes well? From what I've read on other threads, alot of you are multidating, multisexing with people after you've met. I would prefer not opening myself up in person to people who are doing lots of multidating. The best way I can do that is to get to know them a bit before we meet... learn more about their relationship goals, work schedule, and overall lifestyle. Because if those things don't line up, to be honest, it doesn't matter if they are a Calvin Klein supermodel IRL. It ain't going anywhere with me. When I agree to meet a man within the first couple of exchanges, it is almost always the case they are pressing for non-exclusive sex ASAP. And, I have to believe, they are doing that with all or most of the other ladies they are meeting as well. I'm not doing this as an indictment of men. Just saying that it is perfectly reasonable that someone want to spend some time getting to know you in other ways before meeting. Someone else's comment about meeting at parties and things like that... usually there is some other frame of reference there. They are a friend of a friend, it is a gathering of mutual interests... something. That 'something' holds alot of information about who that person is that you DON'T get from any random person in OLD. It isn't the same. The article that Fitchick mentioned makes alot of sense. To the extent that OLD can replicate the patterns and flow of dating IRL is what will make it more or less successful. The need for instant gratification and constant date/channel surfing is what wears alot of people down in OLD. Edited March 31, 2012 by RedRobin
ponsettia Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Besides, what's so horrible about meeting people from the internet? If you're at a party, you also talk to others in order to get to know them. What's so different about a person you met online? There's nothing horrible about meeting people online, I've met some of my best friends via the internet. It doesn't matter if I meet a guy online or at a party, if he's pushy and demanding I give him my phone number when we've barely been introduced, or pushing for more than just a date, then I don't like it. Why should I like having men forcing me to 'perform on cue'? There are plenty of men out there who think any woman who's online/at a party/in a pub/socialising are fair game, they can't seem to get their heads around the fact that you can be online/at a party/in a pub/socialising and not be looking for a quick shag. Just my own personal life experiences
carhill Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 They string you along just to flake and disappear when you want to meet, but fine chatting you up for days and weeks. How can i tell that these chicks are just there for en ego boost and not to date? Someone who expresses apparent interest but doesn't move to an IRL meeting in a short period of time, like a week or two, excepting long-distance situations where travel arrangements must be made. IIRC, my longest distance 'date' was after about two months of correspondence and involved travel of about 6000 statute miles each way.
phineas Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Here's a system that has always worked for me. When it comes to OLD I simply dump them at the first hint of flakiness. I always ask for a phone number within 2-3 back and forth messages. If a woman isn't willing to give up her number after 3 messages then I delete/block/close match. You'll also run into situations where women will give you their number, but they never answer their phone or call you back when you leave a message. I follow the 2 strike rule with these situations. If I call a woman twice and she doesn't return my messages I delete her number out of my phone and cease all online contact. If I get her on the phone I will ask her for a simple drink date within 1-2 phone conversations. If she cancels on me without an extremely good excuse I delete her number out of my phone. I usually follow this with all women OLD, blind dates, or women I met & got numbers from. I usually allow a week or 2 of talking but no more because MY schedule is the limited one with kids & just because people my age just have more going on.
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