justadream Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I've been dating my ex for a year. We were brought up in a diffrent cultural. I am a pure chinese and he is a mix (chinese + indian). We met each other on time where both our lifes is a at the lowest point ( we both just broke up with our exs). At that point of time and I just feel very comfortable talking to him as he is more of an extrovert person and i am more of an introvert person. After a month of knowing him, I confessed to him and letting him know how I feel about him. At the beggining of our relationship I feels that he is quite reserve as I always thinking to myself that if this relationship is more of a rebound? so I approach him and letting him know about how i feels. His explaination was " I consider this as my first serious relationship, therefore just give me sometime to adjust myself". After a month of dating, he started to introduce me to his family and friends which I feels very happy and things started going well and he asked to move in with him. Without hesitation, I just agreed and we starting living together. Everything seems fine and both our family is encouraging us to get married. Things started to falls apart after 8 months of living together. We realize that our character is not compatible in terms of character, habits and cultural. Both of us are quite hot tempered. We started arguing over some family related issue as well as other tiny little thing about our living lifestyle e.g: he wants me to accomodate to his way of living and I do have problem around his family as he expect me to be there for every family functions of his which i feels suffocating at time(even i know it's a good thing which he wants me to be part of his life).On the other hand, he can't seems to blend into my family though. There is a minor conflict / should i say misunderstanding both parties have (his parents and mine). Instead of being a fair judge in between. His statement was " no matter what my parents did if it's right or wrong, as their son, I'll always stand by them". This statement really hurts me deeply. I've tried to initiate a break up for several times but he always hold me back as he said we will try to find a solution to this, until recently things started to get rough. We started argue almost everyday and we have talk less to each other. Eventually he told me "i think it's a good idea that we just give each other sometime to re-consider about this relationship" i just felt that my heart just stop at that moment as I never expected to hear this from him. He told me that he couldn't take this presure anymore as it's heartbreaking. I keep crying, begging and trying my very best to convince him that I'll move out so that things will be better. He told me that just give him a month time to reconsider to see if it's a good idea to take this as last option. After we ended the discussion, he told me that it's best he move over to his sister's place to stay for a while (part of it is because his car is in the workshop and he needed his brother to fetch him to work and also a good appotunity to stay apart). For that whole week I was struggling to get past it as I am so used to us staying together and before this he had never leave me alone. We did not call each other unless it's necessary. I tried to stay silent until the 2nd week which i can't control my emotional anymore. I called him and keep crying again.. begging him not to leave me and i did explain to him that I've given him 2 weeks to think and I want a reply from him immediately. He got so angry with me and shouted saying that 2 weeks is insufficient and if this is gonna continue, the best solution is to break up. After an hour on the phone, he ask me to give me another 3 more day so that he can give me an answer and i agreed. During this 3 days, I keep searching information on internet of how to get my ex back and eventually I came to this forum and started to take control of my emotional. Instead of chasing after him, I text him telling him that I feels i shouldn't rush him to give me a decision. I shall wait till both are emotional ready before we start discussing. He called back and telling me that he is glad i said that. From his tone of voice i can feel the relief he had. So after 1 week, he called and offer to company me for my body check-up and he came over to pick me up. Everything seems fine we talk , we laugh and eventually he open up to me saying that he wants to discuss about our issue. he said at the moment he just feels tension. lots of things is in his mind relationship, work, financial issue as well as presure from his family. So he said he can't handle too many things at one time. His top priority will be given to focus on his work and financial. So he suggest we break off. So, I told him ok if that's what he want at the moment i will respect you. But i did request him not to contact me after the break up and explain to him ..not because i hate you, but it's just because i needed sometime for myself to cool down. He did not agree / diasagree. Since that night, we get into the NC rule. after 2nd week later, I told him I've finally found a place and moving out from the house and asking him to collect the key. He came over and everything seems normal. He offered to bring me for lunch and we started talking like normal. We never talk about the breakup. He seems happy when i told him that i taking up yoga class. He even asked me if i am free for a movie that night but i told him i will get back to him once i settle down in my new place but eventually i told i was too tired that night so we didn't manage to go out. That was the last time i saw him. On and off he'll MSN me online to see if everything is fine with my check up and i did respond him with short and brief message. During our conversation, he will still call me" dear" i am not sure if it's a habit or there is other meaning behind it. On and off he is giving me mixed signals. It has been a month now after the actual break up and I hear less from him now but i do offend hear from our common friends that he has been hanging out with them quite a lot so that makes me worry. Has he finally move on? If i still stay with the NC rules, will he contact me again or this will drift us apart. P/s: by the way he is an Aries Help Please!!!
Author justadream Posted March 30, 2012 Author Posted March 30, 2012 Hello? Anyone there? Hopefully someone can give me his/ her opinion.... Thank you
Philosoraptor Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 This guy has emotionally checked out and seems to have no intent on getting serious. He may or may not still try and sleep with you, but unless you can accept being a friend with benefit, you'd be best to avoid such advances. For now you just need to take care of yourself because this relationship is obviously over. Seems that you both kinda rebounded into this.
Author justadream Posted March 31, 2012 Author Posted March 31, 2012 well, at first probably we both took it as a rebound but after all had happen, we have grown to love each other which I believe it's sincere. After the break up we did see each other but he never once attempt have any sexual relationship.
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