He's ripped me to shreds.

[staringspace]

I posted here a couple days ago about suspicions of my ex moving on really quickly - well, I found out about 6 hours ago that my ex is seeing that one girl that I couldn't stand for him to be with, and it's honestly ripped me to shreds. I didn't want a reconciliation after all the stuff that's happened - just when he told me about him seeing her, taking her to Bournemouth 3 weeks in (it took him 2 years with me) and them sleeping in the same bed together, the same one we were in (he still has some of my covers)... well, I haven't slept since and I've felt so sick all night.

 

He was saying all this bull, that "he's hurting because I'm hurting" and he "never meant for this to happen" - but I can't believe a word of it. If he meant those words he wouldn't have started seeing her 2 weeks after we split, and my mind is in the worst place right now.

 

I need some comforting words right now, if they can be spared - I don't know where to go from here, what to say or what to do and I feel like I can't trust anyone after all this.

[betterdeal]

That's awful stuff to have to put up with. Not only is he being an arse, he's then trying to shirk responsibility for being an arse. He's hurting because he's an arse, although what a classic cliché to subtly try and put responsibility for that onto you.

 

Take a break from him. He sounds like a right bag of spanners.

[CaliBabe]

Wow that sounds really terrible. I say that ignorance is bliss. If you try to implement no contact you will not know any details of his current life and his new relationship. I know it's hard but its time for you to pick up the peices and move forward just for you.

 

All you need is yourself. Be strong and nuture yourself back to health. I suggest spending time and venting to some really good friends and family. They want to be there for you.

 

You can always post here when you are feeling weak.

[staringspace]

I can't even talk to my dad about it. My mum isn't around anymore, and it's really hurting that I can't even talk to my own family about it. My dad's happy in his new relationship with this woman he's seeing, and wouldn't even comfort me when he knows I haven't slept a wink over it and I'm hurt. This is why I just honestly feel at a loss. I can't even talk to my own father about my problems.

[Million.to.1]

i couldn't talk to my Dad either. oh well! ...i doubt his advise would be very helpful anyway.

 

no contact. It's the BEST way to move forward. It's like starving an addiction. Tough at first but ultimately liberating.

[Whisky1981]

Hey I am sorry you have to live trough this. I have been there and it hurts like hell. I still remember all the sleepless nights and pain I went trough.

 

First of all you have to initiate no contact with him. Dont search for him, dont try to bump into him, dont check his facebook page, dont call or message him...nothing!

 

For the sleeping try buying some natural pills to calm your nerves at night...they can help but dont overuse them.

 

Friends can help you but you have to meet those thet will support you and tell you what you want to hear.

 

Search the internet for articles or read posts of interest here on LS. And believe what you want to believe in this moment.

 

Let me make some points on your situation or if you want on the situation of your ex. He was hurting be sure about it but he bupmped into this girl and he took advantage of the situation. He is trying to get over you by finding you in someone else. This is a typical rebound relationship that be sure of it wont last long. He is searching for you in her and this will very quickly destroy the thing he is having right now. And when that happens he will hurt like hell, he will miss you and he will try to come back to you. In the meantime you have to focus on yourself, try doing what you enjoy (I know that right now there is nothing that you enjoy but you have to try). Go out for drinks with friends, family, whoever. When you will overcome this initial shock you will be in a much better position than he is right now. Maybe you will meet some amazing guy that will spark your interest and you will soon forget about him. Try talking with your dad, maybe he will understand and I am sure he will try to help because he loves you.

 

Remember this really hurts, we all went trough this. We have to live with this f*cked up situations life throws at us. Is just that when it happens to you it hurts like hell and you dont understand with what you deserved something like this. It is the way it is and this shouldn`t bring you down.

 

Be strong! It hurts now but it will be better soon I promise you!

[betterdeal]

You can buy Kalms in Boots, which can be quite good to help you sleep.

[BewitchedandBothered]

Hey I am sorry you have to live trough this. I have been there and it hurts like hell. I still remember all the sleepless nights and pain I went trough.

 

First of all you have to initiate no contact with him. Dont search for him, dont try to bump into him, dont check his facebook page, dont call or message him...nothing!

 

For the sleeping try buying some natural pills to calm your nerves at night...they can help but dont overuse them.

 

Friends can help you but you have to meet those thet will support you and tell you what you want to hear.

 

Search the internet for articles or read posts of interest here on LS. And believe what you want to believe in this moment.

 

Let me make some points on your situation or if you want on the situation of your ex. He was hurting be sure about it but he bupmped into this girl and he took advantage of the situation. He is trying to get over you by finding you in someone else. This is a typical rebound relationship that be sure of it wont last long. He is searching for you in her and this will very quickly destroy the thing he is having right now. And when that happens he will hurt like hell, he will miss you and he will try to come back to you. In the meantime you have to focus on yourself, try doing what you enjoy (I know that right now there is nothing that you enjoy but you have to try). Go out for drinks with friends, family, whoever. When you will overcome this initial shock you will be in a much better position than he is right now. Maybe you will meet some amazing guy that will spark your interest and you will soon forget about him. Try talking with your dad, maybe he will understand and I am sure he will try to help because he loves you.

 

Remember this really hurts, we all went trough this. We have to live with this f*cked up situations life throws at us. Is just that when it happens to you it hurts like hell and you dont understand with what you deserved something like this. It is the way it is and this shouldn`t bring you down.

 

Be strong! It hurts now but it will be better soon I promise you!

 

This makes sense. My ex put his dating sites up while still with me--i found out towards the end. His profile read "looking for my soulmate"---he said I was his soulmate. EVERYTYHING he was looking for was all me. All of it. My personality. His profile should have said "looking for BewitchedandBothered", LOL.

 

And from what I have heard about his new g/f, she is a lot like me personality wise and beliefs, but she has a career, title and a lot of money. But personality she could be me. They stay with us while they are getting over us, and try to find us in the newbie. They are trying to look for us, but with no flaws, I guess.

 

Not sure if they come back after it doesn't work out, but from where I stand, I don't think it will work out for my ex or yours. They seem to rebound; someone else is going to get hurt and the ex will walk on as if nothing happened.

[nature]

First off, have you removed him from your Facebook yet? If not, then go there right now and remove him. Do it. You are torturing yourself by still keeping him on there. He is not trying to spare your feelings by allowing the new girl to post and tag him in photos all over it. Remove him immediately.

 

Secondly, you must stop contact with him. You say you don't want him back but if you really had no feelings for him in this way, it wouldn't bother you that he's with someone new. So perhaps you need to get in touch with your feelings and face up to exactly what you are really feeling. YOu broke up initially back in October. Was it a mutual breakup? It sounded like it from your post. Unfortunately we cannot control what another person does after we break up. I have been where you are. Having an ex move on very fast, and it hurts like heck. However, I didn't want the breakup. My ex initiated it by acting like a dumb ****. But it seems you and your ex were agreeable on the breakup?

 

You need to look inside yourself and really feel what you are feeling. Because if you really had no desire to get back with him and were okay with the breakup, I don't think it would bother you this much that he is with someone new. Even the girl you didn't want him to be with. So perhaps deep inside yourself you've been holding on in hopes of a reconciliation. Hoping he would come to you and tell you he couldn't live without you? There is nothing wrong with having hoped that. Now your dreams are crushed seeing him move on with someone else. So it is like breaking up all over again.

 

So for yourself, you need to gather up that pride inside yourself, remove him from your Facebook, stop contacting him or accepting contact from him, and allow yourself to grieve the end of the relationship, and then move forward. You cannot move forward while you are still clinging to some hope inside yourself. You say you have no desire to get back with him, but are you sure about this? Because I really don't think you'd be as torn to shreds if you weren't feeling this. Most people on this board are feeling this. Hurt and betrayed. I think that's what you are feeling.

 

So face what you are feeling. Grieve the end of the relationship. Allow yourself to cry. Don't live in denial. Face all of it. Go for long walks, get exercise, get busy, even if you don't want to. This will help you sleep at night by wearing yourself out physically, you won't be able to help but sleep. Force yourself out of the house. Get angry. Be mad at him. Stop with the BS of wanting to stay friends. You cannot stay friends right now. You need to heal first, and then if you want to come back and be friends at some point, great. But first you need to face all of this and heal.

 

Sending you a hug.