hellodearest Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 In order to make your ex wonder more about you, would you block them on facebook, or let them see your profile and your recent activity? I'm not talking about fabricating stories or trying to make them jealous. I know I think about my ex more when I see things pop up on her wall, and I constantly check her profile, but for her, as the dumper, when she sees things on my wall does it satiate her curiousity of what I'm up to, or does it make her wonder more? I know I check her wall constantly, and it's almost like an OCD thing. But I'm checking her wall because I'm wondering about her. When I don't see any recent activity, I wonder more about her, and when I do see activity, I feel better because I know that she's sitting at home/work on facebook, giving me a sense of knowing what she's up to. 1
immitable Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I blocked mine and it is lot easier than pining constantly. It gave me more room to concentrate on myself. The first two weeks mine started showing off, with pics of her with other guys skydiving etc and that's when I blocked her. Unblocked her 6 months down the road, fb deleted her from my friend list automatically. I feel that if there is anything to be discussed, it is better to be done in person than through fb.
Million.to.1 Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 you can play all sorts of FB games... you could put her on a list so that she won't see activity you don't want her to see. You could unfriend her and then check friends walls for activity... it just goes on and on. if you are checking constantly.. then i would block her... not to make her wonder, but to help yourself with this unhealthy online stalking. it's not helping you move forward. Take away the temptation. 3
KeepMeInMind Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I say leave it be. You have the choice to not go to her wall. She has the same choice. Maybe it helps her in some way to check on you. Or maybe she doesn't check on you at all. I think you should leave the choice open. Everyone copes differently, and being the dumper is no exception. JMO
heatherfeather Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I just went through this same situation this past week. After me breaking down and asking my ex for help towing my car, he came, helped and we were supposed to grill out. However that day didn't work out and the following didn't as well. I had to work all weekend and he was out of town visiting his sister. Anyways, I decided that it was prob best for me to clear my head after feeling a tad let down that we weren't able to grill out together. So I just temporary deactivated my Facebook account so I didn't have the temptation to look at his profile. Also it has made him wonder what I have been up to since I just received a text last night that said "Good Night!!" I didn't respond till I got up and I said "Good Morning!!" The ball is in his court and I am done with trying or chasing. I actually have a lunch date with another man today, he has even asked me to go on a trip with him this weekend to another state. However, I have to work so no trip for me My advice is get off Facebook for awhile
Philosoraptor Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Why worry what is going on in their heads? They are out of your life and all you can do at this point is start to take care of yourself. Any focus you put on someone who is not with you anymore is wasted time because all it will lead to is questions and pain. 2
AriesBunny Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 When you ex dumps you and then proceeds to block you on Facebook, do you really think they care about you? Come on, this is their defense mechanism. 3
Author hellodearest Posted March 29, 2012 Author Posted March 29, 2012 Ok, lemme rephrase the question because no one has actually answered it yet. As a dumper, would you think more or less about your ex if you could see their facebook? I know she's checking my facebook, I guess what I really want to do is maximize her time thinking about me haha. Shameless, I know. I also know I shouldn't care, but so it goes.
AriesBunny Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 As a dumper, would you think more or less about your ex if you could see their facebook? I know she's checking my facebook, I guess what I really want to do is maximize her time thinking about me haha. Shameless, I know. I also know I shouldn't care, but so it goes. As a dumper, I could care less about seeing my ex. The only time I care is when the dumpee craps all over my wall.
gibson Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I'm older than most of the people here and never had a Facebook but... Listening to the stories of my friends, family, co-workers... why on earth would you want one? Many of a my really good friends who are rock solid guys that are married or in relationships have had to deal "temptations" from exes and other women. Heck, even one my good friend's wife, ended up cheating and leaving him over someone she met on FB. Even without the "temptations"... the drama, stress, strain, discussions and arguments I have heard about because of using FB in friendships, relationships and marriages is reason alone not to deal with it. I know what all you FB defenders are going to say... It's not FB, it's the person. Sure... but it's also rare that you hear of a story of someone who went in a bar, started having lunch with a co-worker, etc. where they intended to cheat. It usually starts off as "innocent" and escalates from there. Look at all the posts about FB in the divorce, cheating and marriage forums... Good God! I have yet to date or be involved with a women that wished I used FB. In fact, they were thanking their lucky stars after telling me all their and their friends horror stories about. Still have to love the whole "double standard" thing though, all but a few still used it themselves. Guess they like the drama is all I can figure.
RickFox Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 She dumped you! Why are you wasting your time with all this. I can gaurantee you that she is thinking far less about you than you have been about her. Allowing her access to your FB doesn't make her think of you more or less, it just allows her to keep tabs on you when and if she chooses. All this time and energy you are wasting on wondering whether she still thinks about you could be spent doing better things, pursuing other partners, whatever. In the end, it doesn't matter whether she thinks of you, the relationship is over. You really want her to wonder, become a ghost, leave her life and move on, when you are past her, when you've moved on, when she has no way to see what you've done, that's when she'll wonder about you, but by that time, you won't care anymore. 4
thewanderer Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Well I unfriended my ex and then he blocked me. I wish I had unfriended and blocked him because it feels kind of like he has the power now as he can block or unblock me any time he wants. Well, I should be able to block the bastard too!
Stilnaught Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 Social Media are a powerful weapon for companies when it comes to PR and branding. And in the end, what you want to do is the same: look awesome and got-to-have. Post things which indicate activity, style, ... but which don't say the entire story (for instance, if you go to Paris: publish some awesome photos you took. She'll know you were in Paris if suddenly an album named "Paris 2012" pops up with your head in front of the Eiffel Tower. But with who? Why? How? So many unanswered questions ... ) But in the end, you won't be able to pretend a different life. Unless you change it for real, and for the better, of course.
KeepMeInMind Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I'm older than most of the people here and never had a Facebook but... Listening to the stories of my friends, family, co-workers... why on earth would you want one? Many of a my really good friends who are rock solid guys that are married or in relationships have had to deal "temptations" from exes and other women. Heck, even one my good friend's wife, ended up cheating and leaving him over someone she met on FB. Even without the "temptations"... the drama, stress, strain, discussions and arguments I have heard about because of using FB in friendships, relationships and marriages is reason alone not to deal with it. I know what all you FB defenders are going to say... It's not FB, it's the person. Sure... but it's also rare that you hear of a story of someone who went in a bar, started having lunch with a co-worker, etc. where they intended to cheat. It usually starts off as "innocent" and escalates from there. Look at all the posts about FB in the divorce, cheating and marriage forums... Good God! I have yet to date or be involved with a women that wished I used FB. In fact, they were thanking their lucky stars after telling me all their and their friends horror stories about. Still have to love the whole "double standard" thing though, all but a few still used it themselves. Guess they like the drama is all I can figure. I'm a good looking woman, well known, etc, and have had little to no temptation presented to me via facebook. I don't think facebook, in and of itself, is as evil and harmful to relationship as people think. I do think it might enable, though. My MM (we literally just split with a chance of him coming back so I don't call him xMM yet) told me that he once heard a seminar about how harmful texting and Facebook are to couples. NOT for the reason you are thinking. Because it allows you contact all day. You have a thought or funny story? You text it or Facebook it. When you get home in the evenings, you have little to talk about because of it.
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