SJC2008 Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 This one is geared toward the woman. Early on let's say through the 4th date and there has been no sex yet. How often would you expect contact from the man you are dating? Once to set up and a hey text here and there or do you like him calling for general convo? I'm meeting a new one and want this to go better (if I like her) and don't want to smother her or play it too cool. It seems hard to toe the line.
kiss_andmakeup Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 It's hard to say what I'd "expect" because it's never really been an issue. In my current relationship, I've heard from him at least once every day since our first date. Granted, early on, it was just a light-hearted text here, a quick phone call there...but I never went a full 24 hours without hearing from him in some capacity. It never seemed needy or clingy to me because it wasn't constant. Just a sporadic, "How's your day going?" or "I just heard this song ______, have you heard it?" type stuff. It made me happy! I'm not into game-playing. It might be noteworthy that I was really, really into this guy from the get-go, so that could be another factor in his contact not seeming "needy."
Author SJC2008 Posted March 29, 2012 Author Posted March 29, 2012 Thanks, great example. Yeah being into him sure helped. I don't know if I played it too cool or what. Her casualness didn't help either though. After our 3rd date she ignored a text and a call and I don't know if it was a test but if it was I failed becasue I told her to be honest and I wouln't call her anymore and she said she wasn't ignoring me. Then she flaked until I gave up. I'm just tired of feeling that every call or text will be the one to scare them away. It's the bad exps i've had I guess.
starla33 Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Thanks, great example. Yeah being into him sure helped. I don't know if I played it too cool or what. Her casualness didn't help either though. After our 3rd date she ignored a text and a call and I don't know if it was a test but if it was I failed becasue I told her to be honest and I wouln't call her anymore and she said she wasn't ignoring me. Then she flaked until I gave up. I'm just tired of feeling that every call or text will be the one to scare them away. It's the bad exps i've had I guess. I've considered ditching the guy I went on 3 dates with recently because he doesn't seem that interested. So maybe you didn't show enough interest early on?
realisticbound Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Thanks, great example. Yeah being into him sure helped. I don't know if I played it too cool or what. Her casualness didn't help either though. After our 3rd date she ignored a text and a call and I don't know if it was a test but if it was I failed becasue I told her to be honest and I wouln't call her anymore and she said she wasn't ignoring me. Then she flaked until I gave up. I'm just tired of feeling that every call or text will be the one to scare them away. It's the bad exps i've had I guess. I've seen your posts about that particular woman. You sound like a really nice guy and when you meet the one that you click with mutually you won't have to stress about if it's the exact right time to send a text or if it's the perfect thing to say, I think it will all just fall into place. Good luck with your next date.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 A light hearted text once a day or so. I would answer every text and call if I was interested though.
snug.bunny Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I've never "expected" a set amount of contact early on. But, I don't particularly place a lot of weight into phone calls and/or frequency. Does it indicate that the person is interested? Yes. But, unless you're spending time together in person and it's progressing, phone/text/email means very little as a stand-alone (IE: communicating by phone/text/email more versus spending time together in person). I don't always respond to a text right away and/or a call, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm not interested. Usually when I come home from work, I'm zoinked, and I like to decompress for a bit. But if I'm not interested in dating someone, we wouldn't be going out on dates, when I'm interested in someone I'll suggest meeting up or at least inquire. I've also made the first moves physically when I'm interested. Hope that helps.
Author SJC2008 Posted March 29, 2012 Author Posted March 29, 2012 I've considered ditching the guy I went on 3 dates with recently because he doesn't seem that interested. So maybe you didn't show enough interest early on? So what did he do or not do to make him seem uninterested?? I have a feeling she liked me but I was to shy to make a move and she thought I didn't like her.
Author SJC2008 Posted March 29, 2012 Author Posted March 29, 2012 (edited) I've seen your posts about that particular woman. You sound like a really nice guy and when you meet the one that you click with mutually you won't have to stress about if it's the exact right time to send a text or if it's the perfect thing to say, I think it will all just fall into place. Good luck with your next date. Thanks for the kind words. Not to get off topic but it's all dating so anyway. I'm not leting it stop me move on as I have 2 more dates set up. I still feel bad though because I don't "crush" too often, meaning I hardly ever meet a woman and start liking her to where I cant stop thinking about her. After our 3rd date I texted her the next day and told her I was thinking about her and then told her I may not get to go out for a couple of weeks due to school. Then I texted her 2 days later and made small talk and called her a few days later with no texts in between. She took the call and we talked and she said she was going out of town. I texted her a couple days later and she replied, then the next day and she never responded. I called her the next day and two days later she didn't respond and I (may have jumped the gun) texted her saying I didn't expect an immediate response but was wondering what's up and told her to be honest I won't be mad and wouldn't call anymore. She said she wasn't ignoring me and we agreed we'd like to see eachother again and she flaked till I gave up and then the last one happened where I unintentionally came accross as uninterested and she changed her mind. Edited March 29, 2012 by SJC2008 left something out
realisticbound Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Thanks for the kind words. Not to get off topic but it's all dating so anyway. I'm not leting it stop me move on as I have 2 more dates set up. I still feel bad though because I don't "crush" too often, meaning I hardly ever meet a woman and start liking her to where I cant stop thinking about her. After our 3rd date I texted her the next day and told her I was thinking about her and then told her I may not get to go out for a couple of weeks due to school. Then I texted her 2 days later and made small talk and called her a few days later with no texts in between. She took the call and we talked and she said she was going out of town. I texted her a couple days later and she replied, then the next day and she never responded. I called her the next day and two days later she didn't respond and I (may have jumped the gun) texted her saying I didn't expect an immediate response but was wondering what's up and told her to be honest I won't be mad and wouldn't call anymore. She said she wasn't ignoring me and we agreed we'd like to see eachother again and she flaked till I gave up and then the last one happened where I unintentionally came accross as uninterested and she changed her mind. If she never initiated any contact and you initiated everything, I honestly don't think she thought you weren't interested. If she was really really interested, none of what you stated would be enough for her to say that's it, I'm done with him. I understand that it's rare to have such an interest in getting to know someone that way but at least you know that it's possible that it will happen again.
Mr. Slim Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Just do what you do, there's no sense in using tactics when it will come out in the end. I've had women start rapid firing me texts like a 13 year old girl within minutes of exchanging numbers. While I found it annoying, I realized this is just how they are and I could deal with it or not.
ditzchic Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I say call her, text her, e-mail her whatever whenever you want to. Don't worry too much about playing the game and trying not to mess up or spoil things. When you overthink it is when you screw it up. I've dated guys that ranged from constant contact to a text once or twice weekly. Honestly, if I liked the guy, the frequency of contact didn't matter one bit. It was the quality of contact that mattered. If I could tell he was trying to force a conversation or holding back as to not come across too needy, it was a turn off. Just contact her when you feel the need and if she's into you, she will appreciate it. 1
waiting4u Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I agree with a lot of what Kiss said - a lighthearted text once or twice a day is fine. If you are really into someone, then of course you want to hear from them all the time. If she completely stops answering or doesn't agree to dates anymore, then you have your answer as to whether or not she is interested.
AriesBunny Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I am a guy and from my experiences where the woman will expressed herself to me. She will tell you how much contact she wants, that is if she likes you. She will also tell you by words or actions what she is comfortable with. She might like the daily phone calls or the good mornings texts. As time goes on there will be short contacts in between dates. If you feel you are over doing it, then you are. If you find out her response frequency has diminished, she is losing patience, if not interests.
Recommended Posts