NeoSkepsi Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I'm not big on forums, but I don't know how to approach my situation or get completely comfortable with it. I'm a freshman in college, and my boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 months. He's transferring to a different college that's an hour and a half away. He's made it clear that he in no way wants to break up, and asked me if I'd like to come with him (he knew my answer would be no; that college isn't a good fit for me). I honestly think he made this decision rashly, but that's besides the point. He thinks it'd be better for him there, and I hope that that's true and that he'll be happy, but it still scares me. I would be completely fine if he were gone for a semester or a year, but this will be for three years, until we both graduate. He's unsure of his major and what he'll do after that, which just adds to my uneasiness. With the background info out, I know that an hour and a half isn't that far, and he's promised to try to come see me every other weekend, it's just I don't see any of this going remotely smoothly. I'll be in a dorm for the first year we're away from each other, and while he plans to visit for the weekend, it'll just be strenuous because situation 1 goes as follows: we'll get no sleep trying to fit on my twin bed while my roommate is uncomfortable (she doesn't like being around couples), and my roommate will either stalk off, feeling kicked out of her own room, or we'll leave and hang out somewhere less comfortable. Now, my roommate and boyfriend are friends, and she'd understand to an extent, but she's a very high maintenance person in the fact that she's uptight and can get wound up easily. Either way, we'll have no privacy. Situation 2: he stays over in his friend's dorm (he might have a spare bed which would be fortunate but not counted on) which isn't likely. If there is no bed, he's just sleeping on the floor (time to invest in a sleeping bag), and will be continuously unhappy from lack of sleep. Neither situation is particularly fun, and we don't get privacy. We have sex rather often, so it'll definitely affect that part of our lives. I'll also miss him a ton, which I would get over easier, if I didn't see three years of this ahead of me. We've talked about how we want to be long term, and that's evidenced in how he doesn't want to break up but work through the three years until we can really be together. And he says that he knows how he feels about me, and that's how he knows we'll work, but my biggest problem is this: He's not really good with talking. And we're going to grow and change so much in the years to come, I'm so afraid the we'll end up growing apart because although we'll call and Skype and write letters, there'll be a communication gap. I'm afraid that when we do Skype and call, there won't be much said just because I won't know where I left off or he won't know what to say. I suppose what I'm looking for is thoughts, insights, experience.. I've brought this up to him before, and he's dismissed it, but I'm going to sit him down and do it properly, I just wanted some thoughts.
wildgeese Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 After reading all of this, I have to go with my gut instinct that this may not be the relationship for the two of you. I say that even as a person in a LDR and a happy one at that. My reasons for saying this: - You've only been together 5 months. That's hardly enough time to determine whether you have what it takes to make it long term, though it may seem like it. 5 months is still so, so early in a relationship. - I know I may seem like a jerk for saying it, but you're both young and most likely only 18-19. You're going to do a hell of a lot of personal growth until you graduate from college and it won't be easy to grow together. - It seems like he is a rather emotional person, as in making rash decisions and not knowing what he's going to do. Though that is not at all uncommon for someone in their first year of university and I can hardly blame him. - A long distance relationship is completely and totally built on communication. If you two don't communicate well now then why would you when you never see each other? - How would you make the every other weekend situation work? That's still gas and money you need to have, there will still be homework and projects due, some weekends you'd rather hang out with friends or go to a party, etc. If you talk it all through and you two decide to indeed go for it, you need to make sure your expectations and goals are known.
Author NeoSkepsi Posted March 29, 2012 Author Posted March 29, 2012 (edited) Thanks for your thoughts. Those were all things I've thought about, and I feel those exact things, but he remains optimistic. I'm really not going to break up with him beforehand because that'll just lead me to wonder what if I had stayed with him. And if we regretfully end up breaking up, it'll be devastating, but at least I gave it a chance. Any other thoughts would be much appreciated. Edited March 29, 2012 by NeoSkepsi
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