break up or stay with it?

[kittymeow27]

Thisis a long story so I am sorry..if anyone can help I would be so happy and thankful!!! Typing on my phone so I apologize fortypos.

 

I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 6 months. I've only been in one serious relationship bedore this. It lasted 2 years. I'm 25. My bf is 31.

 

I'm just not entirely happy in the relationship, but I feel like I don't have any concrete grounds to end it.

 

My bf is honestly the nicest person I've ever met. He does so many things for me, listens to me, plans fun dates, and never gets angry, even if I lose my temper with him. We share some simipar interests.

 

Thing is, some things about him bother me. I'm from a really large city,and thepeople in thestateI'm currently in aren't the most worldly people you could say. My bfs lack of knowledge about other cultures annoys me a lot. He is also really pciky with food. I'm always up on new things, he follows the news but that's it. I'm always the one sharing somethibg new with him. I'm always the one introducing him to something new. I give him credit for trying new things, but his lack of knowledge about a lot of things annoys me. Even tje fact taut he's never seen a lot of movies..Indiana Jones, star wars, back to the future, etc really annoys me. I'm interested in a lot of nerdy things likeharry potter, the movies I mentioned, video games...hes not. I don't know why that bothers me, but it does. I think its just because he isn't interested in much except for sports and animals (which I like both)

 

I work in science, and I want to go back to school and work my way up the career ladder. He has a decent business job, but I don't even know of his goals or anything. O think he's content to stay here his whole life. I'm not.

 

The other thing is our sex life sucks. The firstfew timeswe madeout wereamazing.Forsomereaaon,things just went downhill. He is now horrible atkissing, especially Frenchkissing.It'ssuperficial too, but I'm justnot thatattracted to him. He isn'tugly, but heissuper hairy which honestly grosses me out (back hair!) And short. Superficial, bit I never feel likeI want to do anything sexual with him. We also barely make out. We live on opposite sides of the city and I work starting early and he works really late. We barely see each other during tje week.

 

It sounds likeI don'tlikehim,but hetreats me SO WELL and we do have some things in common. I like his friends and family. Part of me wonders if i wont break up with him because of how guilty id feel if I do. My friends say to stay with him for now, but I don't know what to do. I don't know how long to keep trying at this relationship. It's IMPOSSIBLE to find dates in this city. I had been single for almost 3 years before I met him. I'm afraid ill regret endinf the relationship and that ill make a mistake if I do. How do I know what to do? I'be been in love before, but I wonder if ill ever love my bf

[Ninjainpajamas]

It just doesn't sound like a compatible match with a lot of chemistry going on. He's treated you right it sounds like, that's good and I give him a lot of credit for that however It doesn't mean that's all there is to it, you don't just end up with the person that necessarily treats you the best...often times the most exciting relationships are the ones where you both have issues and conflicts but you work through them together and the passion/chemistry is there.

 

But either one is not necessarily "good" for you, there needs to be a balance. I know nice guys are going to be upset because this guy treats you so nice and then gets the shaft but this guy also brings nothing to the table in terms of excitement, passion and romance...It seems really dry and more like a friendship than a love affair. And to me that just means you're with the wrong person, some people value security and safety over unpredictability.

 

Ultimately however It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or says you have to do the right thing for yourself, and IF you know you don't love this guy and don't see a future with him then don't take the pussy way out and just linger in it and wait for something better to come along, at least do the right thing and do it for your own dignity and who you are and live by that.

 

You wouldn't want anyone else doing this to you right? stringing you along and wasting away your emotions? Then don't do it to someone else, because when you find yourself in his shoes I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate, even IF emotionally he doesn't want to leave anyway and just "try".

 

People want to make selfish decisions and then wonder why good things don't come their way...so you hold onto this guy and keep him on the back burner? then that means you should just pop out of this relationship and find "true love"? I mean...do you even deserve have have your hopes and emotions fulfilled when you so carelessly stayed with someone for your own good and ultimately made a decision that showed you didn't value theirs?

 

Yet you have to tell most people...which is true...is how when you are in a relationship it's pretty hard to find someone else. IT's easy to say "oh I wouldn't find someone else" when you in fact maybe in another parallel universe you would have...what If you broke up with him and met someone tomorrow? What If you didn't and you stayed with him then ditched for this new guy? at least you had the security and didn't have to be alone?

 

Honestly you're basically building a list to convince yourself how much you don't want to be with this guy, but that's you trying to convince yourself not other people, you already know how you feel. Why do you need to list all the bad things about a person instead of just leave them because they're not the right person for you? Is it that hard to do? Do you just feel like you'll be punished by leaving a nice guy and now deserve a jerk? It doesn't work that way.

 

Nice guys are going to tell you that you shouldn't leave a guy that treats you well...and maybe even some jaded women who just wish they could be.

 

Your friends will tell you to leave an ******* in a heartbeat thats mistreating you yet stay with a guy you don't love because he treats you well for self-preservation purposes.

 

But at the end of the day It's going to be you sitting there with this guy, not feeling the spark, or the romance and just tolerating the relationship for the sake of not being alone and not wanting to give that up. I guess some people are ok with coming to terms with that and others are not, but don't expected to be satisfied at the end of the day....there are consequences to every decision and we make the decisions ourselves.

[kassy]

Doesn't sound like you are happy or want to be with this man. Both good indicators that the relationship has run it's course. He's probably not happy either. Seems like a lot of work for something that isn't great now and also doesn't seem to have any future potential either... so what exactly is it giving you?

 

Time to break up and move on to someone who you are attracted to and who you have fun with. They are out there, you might have to try new approaches to meeting men. But being scared of being alone is not a good reason to be a in what is now a pretty crap sounding relationship.

[casanovadude81]

If you've lost that loving feeling and it isn't coming back you should leave him.

[Kuen]

While reading your story it sounds you don't want to regret the decision your going to make if you break up on him. I think the best thing you will do is have a serious talk on him...tell him every thing whats on your head, what bother's you. In this way you can only get a straight and right answer from him. After that you both can work it out.