leannesagoodman Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 So my ex and I split up a couple of months ago officially, then she fully broke it off halfway through last month. We went into a period of no contact for a while, at the beginning of which I sent her a letter explaining how I still felt for her and how I was here for her if she needed me at all. That letter was probably a mistake but I felt like she needed to know how I felt, even if really it wouldn't have made her think any differently of anything at all. After a couple of weeks of no contact she texted me so I could send something back of hers. There were a couple of short text sessions like this, including one where I decided to talk to her properly on skype which ended up with me telling her to leave me alone as it seemed that all she was there to do was to gloat about how much happier she was, which tells me she's not who she once was. She tried texting a few more times after that, to which I sent short replies as I didn't want her to start telling me about how much better she was feeling by not having me around - I hadn't healed enough to be able to hear it. (I was in quite a bad way after the break up; I was very self-destructive and I'm pleased I'm even here now if I'm honest. That feeling lasted for quite a while even though I'm starting to get better now.) After those she started sending anonymous messages to me on tumblr which haven't exactly been the nicest things to read. I haven't responded to them since I started figuring out that they were her. I think she sent an anonymous message to me last weekend, but after seeing that it was an anon I decided not to look at the actual message content because the other ones haven't been sent to me for the reasons I originally told her she could contact me for in the letter, like if she needed any help with anything. Last night though I checked my email and I had one from her. I haven't looked at it because I think it's unlikely that it will be anything that I want to read. I expect it to be something explaining everything I did wrong in the relationship - which I know already was a lot - and how bad I made her feel and how much better she feels now. I don't really want to read something like that now I'm just starting to get better because I don't see the point in testing the wound to see if the knife still fits, so to speak. But at the same time, I wonder if I should read it - she's put time into writing it, even if it does say something awful. And what if it's because she needs something else back from me? Surely in that case she'd dig out my phone number ... I don't know. I'm pretty confused. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? I'm not sure whether to read the email and respond or not.
january2011 Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Judging by your confusion, you're not in a stable enough emotional state to deal with her yet. You don't have an amicable break-up situation. Don't offer to 'be there' or to help her. She broke it off with you, not the other way round. Don't read the email. Do not respond. Delete it. Block her email address and phone numbers. Block everything from her. Disappear. Start a new Tumblr if you need to vent or find another channel. Stop posting to the online places she knows about. Stop letting her harass you with her 'needs'. You've already seen that she's in contact so that she can gloat and stick the knife in. 2
esteem-jam Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 I think this is quite unfair. There may be some drama in the email, there may be harrassment, or playing on your emotions. When she told about her great life... do you think she intentionally tried to hurt you? It may be something passive-aggressive, like, if you dont do this Ill kill myself. She has to sort her own mess, and it is unfair that she drags you in this. She may complain that you screwed her much, you could offer that you wont ever intrude into her life. Keep low-kee, let the tumblr stay, but dont update it. Anything you post might hit on her emotions and result is unpredictable, heavyweight harrassment. Stay low. The email will try to stir your emotion, are you ready for the cr*p? If you delete the email, next time she sends she will get an error and notification that delivery failed, similarly abandon your phone number, skype, let the tumblr stay ;p
Author leannesagoodman Posted March 29, 2012 Author Posted March 29, 2012 Thank you for the replies, january2011 and esteem-jam. I had all intentions of ignoring the email and not replying until I saw a text from her last night saying I should at least have the decency to reply to it after I'd stopped being pathetic. I know the wrong thing to do is to reply, and I have nothing new to say to her. I know it will be a mistake. I'll try to be civil and I won't write something awful to her whatever it ends up saying (I'm gearing myself up to look at it later on tonight), but I know it will be the wrong thing to do. When she told about her great life... do you think she intentionally tried to hurt you? I think that when she has done this before (and I'm expecting again in the email) it was to make me feel guilty, although I can't be sure at all about what she's thinking. I'm glad if she's happier, but if she really was then surely she wouldn't need to contact me to say how much better she was without me? As for the tumblr, I think that it is a good idea to stop posting on it - thanks for that suggestion. I'm going away soon for a couple of weeks anyway, and you're right - if she really is checking my tumblr still then anything I post is likely to aggravate her. I know this email's going to be horrible and she doesn't deserve a response to it if it's just going to be spiteful, and that this is a mistake. I'm not doing it out of curiousity - I have no desire at all to see what it says - but maybe I can get some closure out of this. I don't want any contact from her if it's going to carry on like this, and if I can get through reading this email later then hopefully it will stop. It's going to be a horrendous night. Thank you so much for your support; your messages have really helped me see more clearly even if I am going to make a mistake now. I have a lot more perspective now thanks to these messages.
darkmoon Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 "decency to reply" so who needs to be talked to like that? she sounded childish but as i looked at more of the thread i think that she, after dropping you, is holding on to you to attention-seek "decency to reply" i mean - who'd give a damn and stand to attention? "decency"... or off to the naughty-step with you ... is that it? move on, pronto i know this posting is a late entry, but then, i have no decency
Author leannesagoodman Posted March 29, 2012 Author Posted March 29, 2012 Thanks for the reply darkmoon - it's not too late as I haven't opened it yet. That's a good point, I suppose. I don't really know why I'm still letting her push me around. I think that an argument is what she wants, and that me giving her attention is what she's looking for. God, I'd give her all the attention she wanted if she just apologised but she's not going back to who she was and this is the wrong kind of attention that she wants. I know that if I reply it'll just be good for her ego, which isn't a good thing. I don't want to feel like I'm doing the wrong thing by not reading it though ... but is that her just making me think that it would be the wrong thing to not read it? Whatever I say won't change her mind about anything anyway. I expect any reply I gave her would make her angry or just laugh. You're right in that I need to move on. I was doing just that until she emailed. I don't really want another setback like that. I'll see what I end up doing. But as ever thank you so much for the advice because it really is helping right now. 1
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