Rimer Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 (edited) I ask this because if you look all around the internet about dating and stuff they all tell you that you have to be a jerk/player to get women. Tease them, flirt like crazy, not show your feelings right away etc etc. Is this true or is this just for the guys looking to hook up with a new girl every night? Is it really the only way to find girls to be a jerk? Basically they say your looks, financials etc don't matter if you can play your way into her heart. I for one think looks mean something to girls when they see a guy. Does the nice guy always finish last or does it just come down to confidence, loving yourself (aka being happy) etc not having to always play games before you can get a girl? Are these websites just trying to sell me/us books/mp3 with these statements? Why I ask? Every girlfriend I've had they have actually hit on me. Choose me. So i'm pushing 29 in the singles game again, depressed, no confidence. I'm thinking if I get those qualities back and win depression do I have to become a "jerk" to get girls? Seriously.. wtf.. Edited March 28, 2012 by Rimer
InJest Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 They're half right, half trying to sell books. I haven't actually investigated them, but I've seen enough nonsense on this forum from people, probably just like you, that actually buy into that bull****. Being a jerk works, but you have to have something that's attractive about you to begin with. And yes, nice guys do finish last.
ThaWholigan Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 You don't have to be a jerk or a player. Really analyze the behaviors of "jerks" (who sometimes are not really jerks, some guys just say they are) and players (ditto). There are attributes in there which are certainly valuable to men who aren't jerks and players. It is once you figure them out, then you will have your answer of what you have to do to attract the woman you want. And as for the products your being "pushed" to buy, you can just download them illegally, torrents don't cost nothing
mostlyclueless Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 It's a great way to get awful women. There are lots of awful women. You reap what you sow. If you want to find someone honest, warm, and kind, you have to be honest, warm, and kind. 4
Author Rimer Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 They're half right, half trying to sell books. I haven't actually investigated them, but I've seen enough nonsense on this forum from people, probably just like you, that actually buy into that bull****. Being a jerk works, but you have to have something that's attractive about you to begin with. And yes, nice guys do finish last. As I see it. People with low self esteem buy into that bs. Like me right now or otherwise I wouldn't be asking here. But what classifies as a nice guy? Guys that are not nice guys are jerks or is there a middle ground?
Author Rimer Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 You don't have to be a jerk or a player. Really analyze the behaviors of "jerks" (who sometimes are not really jerks, some guys just say they are) and players (ditto). There are attributes in there which are certainly valuable to men who aren't jerks and players. It is once you figure them out, then you will have your answer of what you have to do to attract the woman you want. And as for the products your being "pushed" to buy, you can just download them illegally, torrents don't cost nothing I'd never buy them that's for sure. Just thinking that even reading these would be hurtful. From what i've read from them between the lines not being a jerk but you have to make the girl have fun with you. Make it known you want to be more than just friendzoned and stuff like that. Don'¨t sound like jerk qualities to me.
Author Rimer Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 It's a great way to get awful women. There are lots of awful women. You reap what you sow. If you want to find someone honest, warm, and kind, you have to be honest, warm, and kind. Very good put. Solid advice. Sounds like a very good guideline to follow
InJest Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 'Nice guy' really means doormat. Some guy that will sacrifice himself, for the sake of some chick just because she will have sex with him, or even worse..because he hopes she will have sex with him. 2
poodle Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Absolutely not. You don't have to be a jerk/player to get women. But you shouldn't be overly nice and a pushover either. As long as you're confident, satisfied and have an active life outside of dating, you should have no problem attracting women regardless of your financial status or looks. 1
SJC2008 Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 It's a great question and if you look at some of the sights that give you "teasers" as to what's in their book it's bs I say. One had a small transcript of what to say in a certain situation. I read it and said well that's not me, I'm funny but not quick witted. The bottom line is is that you have to find someone who you are compatible with on multiple levels. I believe in mutual interest. If you have to trick a woman or are under pressure to keep her attracted it was doomed from the start. These games don't work in the long run. The last woman I dated played this too busy crap with me and was not too quick to return calls and had me walking on eggshells. Now I didn't help things out by calling her out on taking forever to get back to me but in the end I feel we really liked eachother but it got ****ed up because of her games and my calling her out.
ThaWholigan Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 I'd never buy them that's for sure. Just thinking that even reading these would be hurtful. From what i've read from them between the lines not being a jerk but you have to make the girl have fun with you. Make it known you want to be more than just friendzoned and stuff like that. Don'¨t sound like jerk qualities to me. Most of what is written about those products are largely exaggerated. As I have downloaded most of them and have read some of them, I can glean most of the positives from them. I wouldn't think reading them would be hurtful.
Oxy Moronovich Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 The thing that will definitely get you women is persistently pursuing women. If you sit alone and mope, it doesn't matter if yer a jerk, nice guy, doormat, whatever, you won't get women. I set a quota to approach 20 women per week, minimum. I get women by pursuing; not by being a jerk. 3
SJC2008 Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 The thing that will definitely get you women is persistently pursuing women. If you sit alone and mope, it doesn't matter if yer a jerk, nice guy, doormat, whatever, you won't get women. I set a quota to approach 20 women per week, minimum. I get women by pursuing; not by being a jerk. Oxy what percentage turn into dates?? I heard the women in Austin are great man. I've been there a couple times, I live in houston.
SJC2008 Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 I think nice guy is a euphanism for a door mat. I wan't a strong woman and need to be a strong man to get one. I don't want some insecure woman questioning my every move. Most woman don't want a door mat IMO. You can be very nice to a woman and not be a door mat, there's a difference.
singlelife Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 The thing that will definitely get you women is persistently pursuing women. If you sit alone and mope, it doesn't matter if yer a jerk, nice guy, doormat, whatever, you won't get women. I set a quota to approach 20 women per week, minimum. I get women by pursuing; not by being a jerk. sounds like a plan.
Oxy Moronovich Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Oxy what percentage turn into dates?? I heard the women in Austin are great man. I've been there a couple times, I live in houston. The highest I've ever gotten was around 60%. No joke. But usually it is around 7 outta 20 women. That's not bad. The best thing is, yes, the women in Austin are indeed great. They are real approachable. In fact, I've gotten a woman's phone number while taking out the trash. Austin women don't have a huge entitlement complex and are real easygoing. They take men approaching them as a compliment rather than for granted. sounds like a plan. It's a good plan that more guys need to act upon.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I grew up in Texas and went to college in Austin. I miss Austin guys. The thing that will definitely get you women is persistently pursuing women. If you sit alone and mope, it doesn't matter if yer a jerk, nice guy, doormat, whatever, you won't get women. I set a quota to approach 20 women per week, minimum. I get women by pursuing; not by being a jerk. If I were a guy, I think I would chat up women all the time. Flirting is fun. I am starting to flirt more with random guys now, and they pretty much always love it. And it is fun. Puts a spring in everybody's step. 2
USCGAviator Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Being confident and having a good sense of humor is all you need. When I go on a first date I don't worry about the outcome. I just have a good time share lots of laughs. I get a goodnight kiss and second date every time.
Kuen Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 As far as I could remember during my first date all i do is just "be me" I don't have to pretend so catch the attention of the person. Just be your self, talk laugh and enjoy the date. For sure your going to have a second date.
betterdeal Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Tease them, flirt like crazy, not show your feelings right away etc etc. Interesting that you see this as being a jerk. Do you think it sinful to tease and flirt? How else do you see a sexual relationship developing without a bit of sex in the language, subtext, intent? 2
thatone Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Interesting that you see this as being a jerk. Do you think it sinful to tease and flirt? How else do you see a sexual relationship developing without a bit of sex in the language, subtext, intent? i blame these men growing up in our society full of religious zealotry and/or being stuck watching oprah and lifetime with their single mother parent all those years.
RainMann Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Jerks/Bad boys get all the chicks.....nice/kind guys get the hand....known fact..you can Google it... Palpatine behind it all!
betterdeal Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 i blame these men growing up in our society full of religious zealotry and/or being stuck watching oprah and lifetime with their single mother parent all those years. I think people are just scared of being scared, so they opt for rules and frameworks that avoid them being vulnerable. Seeing flirting as wrong prevents vulnerability. It also prevents connection. It depends on the intent of the action too, as that will guide the direction of the relationship. If you want to use someone, hoodwink them into something they have the impression may be something else, delude or deceive, it'd be something that doesn't rest well with decent guys. But if you do it because you like the other person and you feel amorous, or attracted to them, and want to display that in a way that's enjoyable and doesn't pressure them too much, and are willing to accept they have the choice to decline your advances, and respect their decision either way, it isn't deceptive or nasty, and by opening your self up to the other person, you open the door for a connection to be made. You can be a decent guy and get girls. Generally, you'll get a girl who's like you, so if you're decent, respectful, have a hint of naughty and a twinkle in your eye, that's the kind of girl you'll be attracted to and will attract.
Emilia Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Tease them, flirt like crazy, not show your feelings right away etc etc. Is this true or is this just for the guys looking to hook up with a new girl every night? Is it really the only way to find girls to be a jerk? Basically they say your looks, financials etc don't matter if you can play your way into her heart. I for one think looks mean something to girls when they see a guy. Does the nice guy always finish last or does it just come down to confidence, loving yourself (aka being happy) etc not having to always play games before you can get a girl? Are these websites just trying to sell me/us books/mp3 with these statements? Why I ask? Every girlfriend I've had they have actually hit on me. Choose me. So i'm pushing 29 in the singles game again, depressed, no confidence. I'm thinking if I get those qualities back and win depression do I have to become a "jerk" to get girls? Seriously.. wtf.. You are only a jerk or a player if you promise relationships to women and/or you know they are vulnerable and you dump them after sex. Going after women rather than passively wait for them to approach is highly adviseable otherwise yes. It's much better to date people you want a relationship with than just go along with what someone else wants.
Imported Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Jerks/Bad boys get all the chicks.....nice/kind guys get the hand....known fact..you can Google it... Palpatine behind it all! They're only "jerks" because you're jealous of them. They're only "nice guys" because you can ID with they're lack of success. What's more likely, all nice guys fail at getting women or all guys that fail at getting women think they're nice? I don't think they are nice. I think they are fakes.
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