ThaWholigan Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Meant to make this thread earlier but couldn't be bothered ...... I went to collect my dole today so I got dressed up, it was really hot and sunny today so lots of girls dressed up nicely . I decided to bring some books with me and read/write in the park in the morning. Saw a particularly good-looking girl sitting nearby reading and I started to get a little anxious, looking away and all that stuff. But then I thought about being more sociable and the strides I'd already made and I thought, well why not? I asked if I could sit by her, she said yes and smiled. I came to sit on the bench she was sitting on, she was really beautiful. Olive skin, jet black hair, really full lips and dark eyes that were kinda shiny. She looked Hispanic. She looked quite tall, although she was sitting down as her legs looked as long as mine . Red summer dress and a gold necklace. She was fantastic. She's the kinda girl where, if you're not careful, you'll start thinking about marriage if you're the fantasist type . I was really nervous at first about talking to her, but I started talking before I could talk myself out of it. We talked about the books we were reading and complimented our respective tastes, and then the conversation moved onto people in general, and I even injected some heavy flirting and some cheeky humor with a little innuendo thrown in. She responded with a lot of her own, which was surprising but nonetheless encouraging. I think I got a little bit too excited and basically went straight for the number, and whether she was available to meet up again. But basically I got less nervous as the conversation progressed and I started being very bold with some of my words which were responded to quite well. To which, she took my number and didn't give me hers . She said that she "was already seeing someone" and was content but that she had fun and really enjoyed the conversation, which I think lasted for nearly an hour. She said if anything changed she would probably call me. I joked that I wouldn't wait up, to which we both laughed, said our goodbyes and she left the park. It was a blow-off - I don't really expect her to call me, but just the fact that we both had a good time talking to each other and it was a positive experience made me greatly happy. I did think that while I was a little too forward as I had not been in that position many times so my naivety must have manifested itself, but that would be overanalyzing. But I didn't feel bad at all, in fact I've been in a fantastic mood all day . I think the stark realization I had about today was simply that the more you focus on giving in an interaction, the better you will feel and the better you will make the other person feel also. The interaction will flow smoothly. Too often, I think some guys put so much emphasis on the rejections and also because they are desperate for something positive, they go into interactions looking for something to gain or take from the encounter rather than what to give. The encounter I had was an extremely positive one, and who knows, maybe I might get a call from her but I'm not going to cling onto what is only a small possibility, I will only take that I can have more positive encounters like this and hopefully it will lead onto dates in the future. 6
Oxy Moronovich Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Good job of at least trying to put yourself out there. That's better than guys who don't put themselves out there then complain about being dateless. My advice: chat with a woman between 5-10 minutes before asking for her number. Anything longer and she loses interest. 1
SteveC80 Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Really doesnt say much about the state of women that she flirted and took your number while in a relationship Ive gotten many of those and i walked away in digsust,nothing is sacred anymore in relationships
AriesBunny Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 At a boy! This is great that you are putting yourself out there. The blow off is not really a blow off and you are right, you didn't burst into flames or crashed and burned. 1
verhrzn Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Sounds like a good experience. Kudos for your bravery. Me myself, I had to compete again in front of the cute guy from the other side of my company. I didn't burst into flames, but I might as well have for how red my face was. Ah well, at least I didn't fall over or say anything dumb (I forced myself not to say anything at all.) 1
somedude81 Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Sounds like you had a good experience. Good job of at least trying to put yourself out there. That's better than guys who don't put themselves out there then complain about being dateless. My advice: chat with a woman between 5-10 minutes before asking for her number. Anything longer and she loses interest. Really only that short?
somedude81 Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 ROFL! V and I posted at the exact same time and our first sentences were almost exact. 1
Cracker Jack Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Good stuff, bro. The more you do it, the more comfortable you'll get. Glad you made the approach. 1
gotye Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Really doesnt say much about the state of women that she flirted and took your number while in a relationship Ive gotten many of those and i walked away in digsust,nothing is sacred anymore in relationships yaaaa, actually, I have done it just to be nice and when they tell me; call me if anything changes i go; sure (but really i mean, eff you and respect my relationship, I am not gonna just call you up as soon as I get bored)
Oxy Moronovich Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Sounds like you had a good experience. Really only that short? Well, you can stretch it out to 15 mins. But guys who I knew were good with women gave me that time frame. They said women know a guy who approaches them is interested in them. So they expect it to come quickly. The longer you take them the wimpier you look. So keep it short to stop from looking wimpy.
Author ThaWholigan Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 Well, you can stretch it out to 15 mins. But guys who I knew were good with women gave me that time frame. They said women know a guy who approaches them is interested in them. So they expect it to come quickly. The longer you take them the wimpier you look. So keep it short to stop from looking wimpy. Have heard that a lot too. Honestly, I just enjoyed talking to her, I was more focused on enjoying the encounter, that's probably why it lasted a long time. If I had to give it a time, we were talking for around 45 mins. I think that was more important than getting the date/number. I'm still sighing at how gorgeous she was, a stunner. A tall one too, like 5 foot 10 she must have been when she stood up. I hear you on the quick approaches. Most guys I know who are good with girls tend to get in there within 10 minutes. That's when you get good though . I think that comes with simply knowing how to talk to them in such a way that you can get them attracted that quickly. I need more practice IMO, so the long convo was good for me. I hope the guys who are struggling are reading this, because if even I can do it, then you can get to a much higher level than this. -------------------------- Verzhn, for your situation, I can understand that. I remember one girl I liked so much I used to fall over my words frequently and feel stupid. And to be honest, I think she knew as well, but she was always cool regardless, if a little frosty at times but that was just her nature sometimes. Best thing you can do is not focus on how attracted you are, but just on giving him energy when you talk to him and having fun with your words.
Author ThaWholigan Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 Really doesnt say much about the state of women that she flirted and took your number while in a relationship Ive gotten many of those and i walked away in digsust,nothing is sacred anymore in relationships I didn't focus on that. Generally I wouldn't get involved in such a situation knowingly (I'm a straight line kinda guy, I don't do triangles ). But she was a nice girl, and she was hot so I talked to her and took the positives out of the experience rather than the negative. And like I said, I don't expect her to call. To be honest, I'm not worried about the "state" of women either, I'm confident that I will meet lots of women who are of considerable class, as I'm sure many are. yaaaa, actually, I have done it just to be nice and when they tell me; call me if anything changes i go; sure (but really i mean, eff you and respect my relationship, I am not gonna just call you up as soon as I get bored) Yeah, I hear that. I certainly wouldn't have gone further had I known she was seeing someone, but I don't really care at this point
verhrzn Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Verzhn, for your situation, I can understand that. I remember one girl I liked so much I used to fall over my words frequently and feel stupid. And to be honest, I think she knew as well, but she was always cool regardless, if a little frosty at times but that was just her nature sometimes. Best thing you can do is not focus on how attracted you are, but just on giving him energy when you talk to him and having fun with your words. Talk to him?! Hahahahaha.... no. No, no. I mean, he doesn't talk to me, but I have NEVER approached him, and my new mantra is to be as silent and invisible as possible. Much less chance of him thinking I'm stupid and ugly that way. Talk to him, hehe... aren't you precious.
Els Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Talk to him?! Hahahahaha.... no. No, no. I mean, he doesn't talk to me, but I have NEVER approached him, and my new mantra is to be as silent and invisible as possible. Much less chance of him thinking I'm stupid and ugly that way. Talk to him, hehe... aren't you precious. ......................................... 1
AriesBunny Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Yeah, I hear that. I certainly wouldn't have gone further had I known she was seeing someone, but I don't really care at this point Sometimes you just have to practice. She is seeing someone and to be honest you wouldn't know. She told you and you did not run away like a little school girl. You kept your cool and went with the flow. 1
fishtaco Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Once in a while you'll run into bitches that'll shut you down hard, but don't let that affect you. They're the one that's acting uncivilized. Shrug it off and keep moving. I'm surprised that some people are against cold approaches, but even if cold approach doesn't get you a relationship, it trains you to talk to women. Say later on you get a date with someone you know already. Well, if you can manage a cold approach, that should be a walk in the park. Don't ONLY do cold approaches, use every approach at your disposal. But cold approach is excellent for training even if it doesn't get you a date. Good job! Keep it up. 1
Jane2011 Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 I really like the "You won't burst into flames" part of your title....
Author ThaWholigan Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 Once in a while you'll run into bitches that'll shut you down hard, but don't let that affect you. They're the one that's acting uncivilized. Shrug it off and keep moving. I'm surprised that some people are against cold approaches, but even if cold approach doesn't get you a relationship, it trains you to talk to women. Say later on you get a date with someone you know already. Well, if you can manage a cold approach, that should be a walk in the park. Don't ONLY do cold approaches, use every approach at your disposal. But cold approach is excellent for training even if it doesn't get you a date. Good job! Keep it up. Agree. I intend to keep it up. I'm not really fussed about the hard shut downs to be honest, I've had a couple before but I have always brushed it off well. I try not to dwell about things. Honestly, what I got out of this interaction is that the more positive energy I give, the more I get back. Also that I'm getting better at talking to girls and soon enough, I will start dating properly . 2
Author ThaWholigan Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 Did you get anything out of that interaction OP? See above What's the point in talking to women who will have a 99% chance of rejecting you, to feed their already huge, bloated ego (so bloated it probably needs hourly insulin injections)? What's the point in not talking to them? Unless you want to be homosexual of course.....I'm not interested in that, I'll take my chances "feeding a woman's ego" How about instead of men doing that, we all organize to ignore women and bring them back down to earth? Cold approaches work for only the best of the best looking, or men in the Forbes top 100 richest in the world. This is a fact almost any man can attest to, even if we try to fight in a pathetic attempt to grasp the dying and ever fleeting light. Good luck getting men all over the world to agree to that. Cold approaches work for the ugliest, poorest guys I know, especially the short ones . That last sentence was just overly-dramatic to a fault. You get an A for effort though. The systems broken. In a world where everyone's anonymous, women win the lotto on virtue of their damn pussy. I do not know what you mean when you say system. There are some cracks in the system for sure, and only very few of them favor women. They may be significant in some cases, but not enough for me to adhere to what you just wrote. Instead of complimenting and chattering with bitches about stupid ****, call them fat. It's not going to get you anything personally in the short term, but the next guy will have an easier time as her self-esteem will be low. Continue this cycle and sooner or later you will benefit from it too. Of course, why didn't I think of that? I bet even the PUAs would be proud of that one. Seriously. Life isn't that bad, mate. Even I know that
zengirl Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 TW, Awesome job! It's great that you can also enjoy the experience for itself. That's really key to being happy in life -- enjoying what you're doing while you're doing it. Sounds like a good experience. Kudos for your bravery. Me myself, I had to compete again in front of the cute guy from the other side of my company. I didn't burst into flames, but I might as well have for how red my face was. Ah well, at least I didn't fall over or say anything dumb (I forced myself not to say anything at all.) FWIW, talking to strangers who are attractive is 1000x easier than approaching someone you've developed a full-blown crush on IME. As TW kind of notes in his reply.
Feelsgoodman Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Good for you for putting yourself out there. But here's a piece of advice. Don't become "emotionally invested" in random women you meet (i.e. the part of your post where you mentioned fantasizing about marrying her). That's not healthy. Also, talking to a chick you just met for an hour is excessive...unless the two of you are stuck on a train or something and have nothing better to do. Also - and this is absolutely critical - do not focus on trying to get phone numbers. Interact with women for the sake of interaction. Asking her for a phone be almost an afterthought. In fact, from my experience, you don't even have to ask a girl for a phone number. If she's into you, she will make sure you have it before you leave (unless she's shy, but you can kind of gauge it through interaction). 1
Author ThaWholigan Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 Good for you for putting yourself out there. But here's a piece of advice. Don't become "emotionally invested" in random women you meet (i.e. the part of your post where you mentioned fantasizing about marrying her). That's not healthy. I know that . If I was emotionally invested in her, this post would have turned out WAY different . I thought it would have been obvious that I did not actually think about marrying her. Also, talking to a chick you just met for an hour is excessive...unless the two of you are stuck on a train or something and have nothing better to do. I didn't have anything better to do at the time. I was sitting in the park reading, it was hot and sunny, and I was sitting next to a hot girl for the duration so I talked to her . Also - and this is absolutely critical - do not focus on trying to get phone numbers. Interact with women for the sake of interaction. Asking her for a phone be almost an afterthought. In fact, from my experience, you don't even have to ask a girl for a phone number. If she's into you, she will make sure you have it before you leave (unless she's shy, but you can kind of gauge it through interaction). This is true, I agree. I did not think about the number during the interaction, as the post outlines, it was the interaction itself that was positive and why I was happy. So asking was indeed an afterthought. I enjoyed the interaction thoroughly regardless. Nonetheless, thanks for the kudos
AD1980 Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Im parlayzed by fear..i know its not logical but its not something i can just snap my fingers or turn off either.. Plus when approaching that girl who acted like how dare i approach her i feel like im annoying women and wasting their time by hitting on them.. I dont like to bother people
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