trockeralou Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Hi there. First time posting and utterly lost. My husband and I have been together for over 10 years, married 9. I love my husband and would do anything for him and have. This would be my husbands first marriage, my second. About 2 months ago I asked why he was acting odd and if he was done with our marriage/relationship. He said he didn't know and broke down. My husband and I have been best friends since our first date. He has helped me through some really hard times. I lost two brothers in the span of four months. I cannot express how much he means to me. I left recently, because it was too much for me to deal with. I went on a vacation (if you want to call it that) and let him have his space. Unfortunately, I came home and all I want to do is talk about our situation. He works a lot, long hours. As a woman, that just sends my intuition in to a crazy mode. BTW, I went alone on my trip (this was after I had been home caring for our two pets that were sick with cancer. I realize this may sound odd to a lot of people, but they were our children). I came home thinking, that maybe my husband or our situation would have been better. Alas, this is not the case. I am sad to say, I have started snooping, going through his paperwork, have tried to look at his/our phone bills accounts. I just feel so lost. Maybe he is being honest and wants nothing else to do with me, but, this was the man that told me six months ago and from the beginning of our relationship that he loved me with all of his heart. Is it a mid-life crisis? Is he cheating on me? I realize I need to stop snooping, because it is driving me mad. There is other stuff, no cheating. Atleast, not on my part. Does any one here have any experience with bi-polarism? I am asking because I fear maybe that is what may be driving him away. I am being brutally honest about myself and I cannot do that with any of my friends or family. Sorry for the long inquiry. Best, Bette
Author trockeralou Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 As far as I know I am not bi-polar. This is something I thought about and now its bugging me. Add OCD to my list.
elfman Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 (edited) Sorry to hear you're going through this... I would recommend counseling... it helps IF and only IF both parties are interested in saving the relationship. You said your pets had cancer (and I can guess how much they mean/meant to you both), can he be grieving for them? What is his age? We men get MLC from 40 to 50 and beyond. As to bipolar disorder, I can tell you that it is VERY difficult to diagnose, especially since it requires the person suffering from it to willingly ask for psychiatric help. Most times people with bipolar disorder do not get diagnosed because they do not feel there is anything wrong with them, and they attribute their mood-swings and all other symptoms to outside sources, like work-related stress, marital stress, etc. I would not go down the road to try to peg him as bipolar unless instructed to do so in marriage counseling, it'll be a dead end and will drive you further apart. Also, you could try giving him a vacation (you said he works long hours), or even better, going with him on a weekend escapade of sex and relaxation... pamper him, we men LOVE being pampered. I hope it gets better for you. You're right about snooping, if he's not doing anything bad he'll take it as lack of trust, and that will degrade the situation further... Ask him to go to counseling with you, trust me, it's money well spent. Edited March 28, 2012 by elfman missing info
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