Dating for 2 months...rarely hear from him during the day.

[xpaperxcutx]

Thank you for the respectful response. I agree, I have been demanding a little too much attention, and can easily live my life without seeing him often or hearing from him. I'm just going to let him come to me from now on. This has really been a eye opener. Thank you! Do you think its too late to save it or do you think by me calming down I can save the relationship?

 

If you really want to be with him nothing can stop you, not even his condescending friends. Again pick your battles wisely. Last time I had a fight with my guy over texts I told him we're going to avoid serious talks over texts and just talk on the phone. I also apologized to him for being so hard on him and told him I'll be mlore understganding. Being in a relationship shouldn't be about pride or who initiates first. Its like simple messages like letting him know you miss him. That's it.

I'm the type of girl who always needed a guy to take the first step but since I started dating my guy I ve initiated my fair share of calls and texts. That's okay too. As long as he's receptive.

[livelife]

If you really want to be with him nothing can stop you, not even his condescending friends. Again pick your battles wisely. Last time I had a fight with my guy over texts I told him we're going to avoid serious talks over texts and just talk on the phone. I also apologized to him for being so hard on him and told him I'll be mlore understganding. Being in a relationship shouldn't be about pride or who initiates first. Its like simple messages like letting him know you miss him. That's it.

I'm the type of girl who always needed a guy to take the first step but since I started dating my guy I ve initiated my fair share of calls and texts. That's okay too. As long as he's receptive.

 

So do you think I should just send him a text apologizing for being so onto him and letting him know that i'm aware he is busy and i'm not his first priority basically?

[mickleb]

This guy i've been dating for 2 months. Everything was going great, but with me I can't get into something and trust someone right off. They have to earn my trust, and when people are constantly in my ear about things I start to question them, which I shouldnt do. But that happened to me. He is in a fraternity and one of his brothers was telling me what other people thought of him, and he seems too good to be true so I knew something had to be off.

Basically, He was intoxicated one night and told me that he loved me, and even the next morning when he was sober he told me drunken words are sober thoughts and that he meant it. This past week things have been rough because of this whole trust issue and he has been super busy with 2 jobs and school that I haven't seen him much, more or less Heard from him.

We used to text soo much during the day, and now its a rare case that he will text me first. When I get upset with him because I text him something like, "Imiss you" and I dont get a response, he gets upset with me and always claims his phone wasn't by him.

 

Last night I called him to figure things out and he ended up hearing what other people were saying about him and got superrr pissed. I drove over to his place and we talked and He just really seems stressed out with so much, But I think he should be able to make time/text me during the day just one text would be nice. Is that odd of me or is it normal? When I saw him I told him how upset i've been with this whole thing and He agreed that the week had been awful, he even started crying in front of me. He mentioned about how he didnt want to lose me, how he wanted me and him to be together and such. My problem is not hearing from him, how can I know that he cares if I don't even hear from him during the day? Or even so if I text him saying im thinking of him and I dont get a response until I get upset about it?

 

Are all guys like this or am I thinking too much into it?

 

Firstly, I think you've had a troll respond to you in this thread, so don't take every opinion as that of a rational mind!

 

Secondly, it sounds to me like it's your guy with the problem. His self-esteem seems to be a bit all over the place. It's very early to say 'I love you' and, if he really loved you, he wouldn't expect you to respond in any way other than that which is honest. He wouldn't get super-touchy and ignore you if you needed a little more time.

 

His friends sound like a mare. Were you implying that, in your talk, you informed him what they said about him? If so, that wasn't a great move, especially with how sensitive he's being right now.

 

I think you need to simply be straight with him and tell him that you're used to a higher level of communication with him and that this is one of the things you like about him. You can explain that you don't need constant reassurance from him but, if you've messaged him and he doesn't respond, he's ignoring you: of course that will make you feel insecure. Try to agree with him on what a 'reasonable amount of communication' is to you two.

 

Ultimately, it is early days and he's acting oddly. If he can't respond in a mature way to your questions, you two might not be right for each other. But try not to get paranoid about it, be rational: if he doesn't get where your coming from and continues to ignore you, why would you want to stay with him?

[livelife]

Firstly, I think you've had a troll respond to you in this thread, so don't take every opinion as that of a rational mind!

 

Secondly, it sounds to me like it's your guy with the problem. His self-esteem seems to be a bit all over the place. It's very early to say 'I love you' and, if he really loved you, he wouldn't expect you to respond in any way other than that which is honest. He wouldn't get super-touchy and ignore you if you needed a little more time.

 

His friends sound like a mare. Were you implying that, in your talk, you informed him what they said about him? If so, that wasn't a great move, especially with how sensitive he's being right now.

 

I think you need to simply be straight with him and tell him that you're used to a higher level of communication with him and that this is one of the things you like about him. You can explain that you don't need constant reassurance from him but, if you've messaged him and he doesn't respond, he's ignoring you: of course that will make you feel insecure. Try to agree with him on what a 'reasonable amount of communication' is to you two.

 

Ultimately, it is early days and he's acting oddly. If he can't respond in a mature way to your questions, you two might not be right for each other. But try not to get paranoid about it, be rational: if he doesn't get where your coming from and continues to ignore you, why would you want to stay with him?

 

I've had some rude responses on here! "attention whore" really? But I agree I actually just contacted him and told him that I was aware he is busy and I apologized for being so needy from him and that I was going to respect his priorities. I think I just need to be less of an attention seeker and let him come to me. If it continues to be a problem that I don't hear from him, I will say something and most likely end it. It's becoming too much stress. When we met up in person I mentioned multiple times that he has been ignoring me and thats where the trust issue comes into play, because I get weirded out when he doesnt respond. I'm just going to give him some breathing room and see where that takes me. He kept telling me how he has only ever wanted to be happy, and I gave him that happiness and how he didn't want to lose that. (This was on Monday) I completely understand having someone on your back all the time about not getting a response from you can be frustrating and able to push someone away... So fingers crossed everything works out.

[xpaperxcutx]

So do you think I should just send him a text apologizing for being so onto him and letting him know that i'm aware he is busy and i'm not his first priority basically?

Send him a texr to apologize but don't say you're not a priority that's lije saying either his job or you and telling him to pick one. Just write ' baby I'm sry about the other I kniw u are trying and I'm going to be understanding too. I hope you have a good day and maybe we'll. Talk tonight? " if u want ro leave the ball in his court this will help you.

[livelife]

Send him a texr to apologize but don't say you're not a priority that's lije saying either his job or you and telling him to pick one. Just write ' baby I'm sry about the other I kniw u are trying and I'm going to be understanding too. I hope you have a good day and maybe we'll. Talk tonight? " if u want ro leave the ball in his court this will help you.

 

What I said was, Hey I just wanted to apologize for how i've been acting lately. I'm sorry ive been so hard and needy from you. I understand you have priorities and from now on i'm going to respect that. You don't have to respond I just wanted you to know."

Maybe saying you don't have to respond wasn't the best, but I'm trying to let him see that I'm not needy waiting for a response from him. Regardless, I believe that the ball is completely in his court now. I doubt I'll hear from him but if I don't hear from him by tomorrow, I will be weirded out and will end things, like i've said. Theres no way you can possibly date someone and not talk to them at all during the day. Its not going to work if thats the case.

[livelife]

I thought that text I sent might be a mature way of me showing him that I'm going to respect him, but like I said if he can't play his part then hes going to be saying bye to me.

[livelife]

You don't love him yet demand that he treats you like you do. You show him no love just needy, selfish. dark female self of yours. I would brake up with YOU! I bet you got cold sores and suck in bed.

 

Go burn in hell, please.

[livelife]

Something a true Christ like Christian would say....you are not only an attention whore, you are dumb too....just wonderful....I bet when you wipe your ass, there is still some crap left over, because you are too much of an entitled princes, to do it all your self.

 

This crap adds up hun...

 

really? I'm a Christian and you're talking to me like that? By the way, its spelled *BREAK not Brake. Dumbass.

[mickleb]

Go burn in hell, please.

 

Don't sink to their level, hon. Go to their member profile, use the drop down arrow and place them on 'ignore'. Much more satisfying!

 

And try to talk to your guy, in person, ideally, before making any firm decisions. He may need a little time to absorb what you're saying, too, so don't act too quickly.

[livelife]

Don't sink to their level, hon. Go to their member profile, use the drop down arrow and place them on 'ignore'. Much more satisfying!

 

And try to talk to your guy, in person, ideally, before making any firm decisions. He may need a little time to absorb what you're saying, too, so don't act too quickly.

 

Thank you. I was wondering how I could do that, I was constantly just alerting LoveShack about them. Thanks! And when you say don't act too quickly, do you mean about dropping things with him?

[mickleb]

Thank you. I was wondering how I could do that, I was constantly just alerting LoveShack about them. Thanks! And when you say don't act too quickly, do you mean about dropping things with him?

 

Yes, love. Dumping someone is a big decision. He does seem to really like you, just isn't sure how to behave around you. Talk with him and try to agree on what's okay for you two, and what isn't. If you can't, you may have to break it off but if you can agree, give him a little time to act on it - a week, maybe.

 

The ignore option is one of the 'User lists' you can add people to.

 

Good luck.

[livelife]

Yes, love. Dumping someone is a big decision. He does seem to really like you, just isn't sure how to behave around you. Talk with him and try to agree on what's okay for you two, and what isn't. If you can't, you may have to break it off but if you can agree, give him a little time to act on it - a week, maybe.

 

The ignore option is one of the 'User lists' you can add people to.

 

Good luck.

 

I'll definitely see how this weekend goes, because tomorrow his fraternity is having a big party that me and him were going to go to. If he doesn't mention the party to me at all tomorrow, then thats strike one. Then friday he had mentioned going fishing with him, just a small comment, but I remembered. Again, If I don't hear from him, I think that might be it. Thats two days of him initiating something with me, Thats good, right?

[xpaperxcutx]

Yes, love. Dumping someone is a big decision. He does seem to really like you, just isn't sure how to behave around you. Talk with him and try to agree on what's okay for you two, and what isn't. If you can't, you may have to break it off but if you can agree, give him a little time to act on it - a week, maybe.

 

The ignore option is one of the 'User lists' you can add people to.

 

Good luck.

 

 

Exactly. I did the exact same thing to my guy and demanded way too much from him- acting like a girlfriend before I was even his girlfriend. We fought constantly about communication even though he really was trying.

OP, talk to him and find a medium that you are both satisfied with.

[livelife]

Exactly. I did the exact same thing to my guy and demanded way too much from him- acting like a girlfriend before I was even his girlfriend. We fought constantly about communication even though he really was trying.

OP, talk to him and find a medium that you are both satisfied with.

 

I don't want to be overbearing today on the texts, so I sent that one apologizing for seeming needy and said that I would respect his priorities, telling him that he didnt have to respond I was just wanting him to know. Of course, I don't have a response yet, but I'm going to let him come to me next. I'm about to start treating him the way hes treating me, which seems like an option.

[livelife]

Exactly. I did the exact same thing to my guy and demanded way too much from him- acting like a girlfriend before I was even his girlfriend. We fought constantly about communication even though he really was trying.

OP, talk to him and find a medium that you are both satisfied with.

 

What happened with your relationship? Did it work out? Did you talk to him about it and he finally understood?

[xpaperxcutx]

What happened with your relationship? Did it work out? Did you talk to him about it and he finally understood?

 

My relationship was dramatic from the beginning, we constantly fought because of misunderstandings through text. As I've said, he's a very busy person, he works 7 days a week so it made extremely hard for me to see him. Also I expected too much from him- I wanted him to reply to my texts sooner and call everyday, but in a way it made me feel insecure because i felt like he didn't feel the same way I did.

 

We're still together though, it took alot of texts and phone calls to resolve whatever conflict we had and I'm trying to be patient with him ( he's ending his second job soon). The only problem we have now is seeing each other more, but we try to make the most count. He has told me continuously how much he wanted to make this work and I can see that he's willing to make the effort but i need to be patient.

 

Yes, there were times that I really wanted to end things, not because I didn't want to be with him, but merely out of frustration.

 

So I took the good and I weigh it against the bad. He has amazing traits and he treats me extremely well- his only fault is that he works too much. Again, he's not the only one at fault. I have to be more patient and he always does get back to me when he's free, so that make up for the lack of immediate contact. He has his phone but he's not attached to his phone and he also has responsibilities. At the same, I'm not a workaholic so my time is more free.

 

Instead of constantly expecting your bf to talk to you, preoccupy your time with other things. If he does decide to go more than 2-3 days without contacting you, then that is a problem.

[livelife]

My relationship was dramatic from the beginning, we constantly fought because of misunderstandings through text. As I've said, he's a very busy person, he works 7 days a week so it made extremely hard for me to see him. Also I expected too much from him- I wanted him to reply to my texts sooner and call everyday, but in a way it made me feel insecure because i felt like he didn't feel the same way I did.

 

We're still together though, it took alot of texts and phone calls to resolve whatever conflict we had and I'm trying to be patient with him ( he's ending his second job soon). The only problem we have now is seeing each other more, but we try to make the most count. He has told me continuously how much he wanted to make this work and I can see that he's willing to make the effort but i need to be patient.

 

Yes, there were times that I really wanted to end things, not because I didn't want to be with him, but merely out of frustration.

 

So I took the good and I weigh it against the bad. He has amazing traits and he treats me extremely well- his only fault is that he works too much. Again, he's not the only one at fault. I have to be more patient and he always does get back to me when he's free, so that make up for the lack of immediate contact. He has his phone but he's not attached to his phone and he also has responsibilities. At the same, I'm not a workaholic so my time is more free.

 

Instead of constantly expecting your bf to talk to you, preoccupy your time with other things. If he does decide to go more than 2-3 days without contacting you, then that is a problem.

 

I appreciate this response, a lot. Very informative and helpful! He isn't my boyfriend, but close to it. And I'm the same way, I want to be with him, but I want to end things out of frustration. Like I said, I texted him this morning, and i'm going to wait it out and see when he texts me. If its 2-3 days then yes that is very odd, however I see him tomorrow in class around 3 ish, so hopefully that would be his excuse for talking to me.

[livelife]

I appreciate this response, a lot. Very informative and helpful! He isn't my boyfriend, but close to it. And I'm the same way, I want to be with him, but I want to end things out of frustration. Like I said, I texted him this morning, and i'm going to wait it out and see when he texts me. If its 2-3 days then yes that is very odd, however I see him tomorrow in class around 3 ish, so hopefully that would be his excuse for talking to me.

 

I meant hopefully it won't be his excuse to talk to me.

Also, should I let it upset me if I don't hear from him tonight?

Edited March 28, 2012 by livelife

[xpaperxcutx]

I appreciate this response, a lot. Very informative and helpful! He isn't my boyfriend, but close to it. And I'm the same way, I want to be with him, but I want to end things out of frustration. Like I said, I texted him this morning, and i'm going to wait it out and see when he texts me. If its 2-3 days then yes that is very odd, however I see him tomorrow in class around 3 ish, so hopefully that would be his excuse for talking to me.

 

What a coincidence! My guy and I don't have a title either. He has asked me to be his girl but i declined because I think it's too soon.

 

I meant hopefully it won't be his excuse to talk to me.

Also, should I let it upset me if I don't hear from him tonight?

 

Don't jump to conclusions if he does not call. Again, it's not the be all/end all of things. If you guys see each other in class all the better, chat him up but don't let him get to you.

 

You're lucky you have class with him, I barely see my guy once a week.

[livelife]

What a coincidence! My guy and I don't have a title either. He has asked me to be his girl but i declined because I think it's too soon.

 

 

 

Don't jump to conclusions if he does not call. Again, it's not the be all/end all of things. If you guys see each other in class all the better, chat him up but don't let him get to you.

 

You're lucky you have class with him, I barely see my guy once a week.

 

It just hit me today, I mean how can you be dating someone that you don't even talk to during the day? He has time for social networking. How can he not have time for me.

[Leigh 87]

Hey,

 

I would just tone it down, and wait until he contacts you:) After all, he is busy, and also does not sound like he has the most supportive friends:eek:

 

Seriously, it is TWO MONTHS. Yes, I felt strongly for my b/f after 2 months, BUT, if your guy is super busy, u need to just let him go about his business, and offer your support when you can.

Do not be overbearing and expect too much of him. SOME guys are full on and give a lot to the girls they see, where as a lot of guys, MOST guys, wait until things are serious before they start giving their girl more time in their busy schedule.

 

Things could be fine, or things could end. Most relationships end at your age, so just be more cool about it! Enjoy the time you have WITh him, when he is not busy, and let HIM make the move to contact you more often, and DO NOT be pissy or upset if he does not text you often.

As I said, a lot of men wait until things are serious, before they give up their busy schedule to need to talk to their girlfriends.

 

Take it easy, realize your young and it will likely end any ways, and enjoy things day by day; enjoy each day you hang out with him, and do not look to the future. DO NOT put much stock in it, until it is very serious.

Do not make the same mistake many girls make, by being overbearing; instead, take each day as it comes. You should strive to be a quality girl, who believes that a great guy will want you, if not this guy.

[livelife]

Hey,

 

I would just tone it down, and wait until he contacts you:) After all, he is busy, and also does not sound like he has the most supportive friends:eek:

 

Seriously, it is TWO MONTHS. Yes, I felt strongly for my b/f after 2 months, BUT, if your guy is super busy, u need to just let him go about his business, and offer your support when you can.

Do not be overbearing and expect too much of him. SOME guys are full on and give a lot to the girls they see, where as a lot of guys, MOST guys, wait until things are serious before they start giving their girl more time in their busy schedule.

 

Things could be fine, or things could end. Most relationships end at your age, so just be more cool about it! Enjoy the time you have WITh him, when he is not busy, and let HIM make the move to contact you more often, and DO NOT be pissy or upset if he does not text you often.

As I said, a lot of men wait until things are serious, before they give up their busy schedule to need to talk to their girlfriends.

 

Take it easy, realize your young and it will likely end any ways, and enjoy things day by day; enjoy each day you hang out with him, and do not look to the future. DO NOT put much stock in it, until it is very serious.

Do not make the same mistake many girls make, by being overbearing; instead, take each day as it comes. You should strive to be a quality girl, who believes that a great guy will want you, if not this guy.

 

Best, most real response yet. It is all so true! he texted me just a couple minutes ago saying "please tell me you didnt text me today?" and he said that his mom hadnt paid the bill and so he just got his phone turned on, I told him that I had texted him this morning but that it was nothing. I really have come to realize that I do need to calm down, not take things quite so seriously. Thanks so much!!

[Leigh 87]

haha, papercuts spent a lot of time trying to help you so don't forget her good advice:)

 

Don't sweat it, your a girl! We tend to be more emotional. Rarely, are girls super confident and able to be in charge of their emotions! The cool, collected women, who are super independant.... MOSt girls, especially college/school aged girls, tend to be ruled by their emotions.

I, for one, was just like you. I learnt, as you are, that it is best to tone it down with a guy, until things are serious. Ultimately, if they are into you, things will work out. They will show an interest.

 

Please, try to learn from my mistakes:

 

- your young. To be honest, it most likely will not work out anyway, so why invest too much energy into it? Sure, it is a lovely feeling having a guy to be close with! It really is an awesome feeling and thing to look forward to, not to mention a great distraction from studying!

 

- Take it day by day. LITERALLY - Only let yourself lament and think about the actual day you spend with him. If you have a good time, great. If not, think of where u went wrong, and try to have a better time next time together. Honestly, DO NOT put much stock into a school age relationship, ok?

That is not to say they do not work out!! BUT, because it is unlikely, it is better to assume it wont work out at your age, and enjoy your time together; you DO learn a LOT about your early relationships!!!! Whatever happens, you will have had some great times together, and you will come out of any relationship that fails with a WHOLE lot of knowledge, and you will be FAR MORe likely to succeed in your next relaitonship, if u know what works and what does not work for you.

 

- Make sure to have your own life, and make your boyfriend be a GREAT bonus:) I am sure you already know that, but it is HARD to practice it, especially when your a girl, who has a whole lot of emotions and feelings about guys!

At your age, it is soooo easy to get swept up over guys!! It is so fun!! BUT, think LOGICALLY: yes, it is natural to be caught up in it all too much, but realize your YOUNG, it prob will not last, so go have fun in your daily liofe, and when he texts u GREAT; if not, keep yourself BUSY. Work out! Go for a walk.

 

 

Do me a favour.. when you think of him too much, over texts he has or has NOT sent... when you can SEE that your spending too much time thinking about a guy, instead of just enjoying your time together..

.. Go for a walk. Even jog some of the way. Having your own life, and looking after your fitness, makes u feel soo confident. Who doesn't like to look good and feel sexy?

 

Wait until he texts u. Of course, if u feel things are going well, it IS cool to send him a text, saying something like " hey, had a great time, thinking of u sexy" . Guys LOVE it when a girl shows they arer into them! Just do not be over bearing, and DO NOT expect him to text as often as you do. MOST guy do not do the whole text thing as much as the girl does.

[livelife]

haha, papercuts spent a lot of time trying to help you so don't forget her good advice:)

 

Don't sweat it, your a girl! We tend to be more emotional. Rarely, are girls super confident and able to be in charge of their emotions! The cool, collected women, who are super independant.... MOSt girls, especially college/school aged girls, tend to be ruled by their emotions.

I, for one, was just like you. I learnt, as you are, that it is best to tone it down with a guy, until things are serious. Ultimately, if they are into you, things will work out. They will show an interest.

 

Please, try to learn from my mistakes:

 

- your young. To be honest, it most likely will not work out anyway, so why invest too much energy into it? Sure, it is a lovely feeling having a guy to be close with! It really is an awesome feeling and thing to look forward to, not to mention a great distraction from studying!

 

- Take it day by day. LITERALLY - Only let yourself lament and think about the actual day you spend with him. If you have a good time, great. If not, think of where u went wrong, and try to have a better time next time together. Honestly, DO NOT put much stock into a school age relationship, ok?

That is not to say they do not work out!! BUT, because it is unlikely, it is better to assume it wont work out at your age, and enjoy your time together; you DO learn a LOT about your early relationships!!!! Whatever happens, you will have had some great times together, and you will come out of any relationship that fails with a WHOLE lot of knowledge, and you will be FAR MORe likely to succeed in your next relaitonship, if u know what works and what does not work for you.

 

- Make sure to have your own life, and make your boyfriend be a GREAT bonus:) I am sure you already know that, but it is HARD to practice it, especially when your a girl, who has a whole lot of emotions and feelings about guys!

At your age, it is soooo easy to get swept up over guys!! It is so fun!! BUT, think LOGICALLY: yes, it is natural to be caught up in it all too much, but realize your YOUNG, it prob will not last, so go have fun in your daily liofe, and when he texts u GREAT; if not, keep yourself BUSY. Work out! Go for a walk.

 

 

Do me a favour.. when you think of him too much, over texts he has or has NOT sent... when you can SEE that your spending too much time thinking about a guy, instead of just enjoying your time together..

.. Go for a walk. Even jog some of the way. Having your own life, and looking after your fitness, makes u feel soo confident. Who doesn't like to look good and feel sexy?

 

Wait until he texts u. Of course, if u feel things are going well, it IS cool to send him a text, saying something like " hey, had a great time, thinking of u sexy" . Guys LOVE it when a girl shows they arer into them! Just do not be over bearing, and DO NOT expect him to text as often as you do. MOST guy do not do the whole text thing as much as the girl does.

 

Oh of course! everyone on here is so helpful and I appreciate every response I can get I will definitely follow your advice, and not get so ahead of myself with this. From what youve read, does he sound like a guy worth investing time in? A guy worth getting to know? Or is it something that I shouldn't even think about?